Ann Coulter’s opening snark:
It’s been a tough year for the secularist crowd. There was Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ,” the moral values election, the Christian hostage subduing her kidnapper by reading from “The Purpose-Driven Life,” and the Christian effort to save Terri Schiavo. Not only that, but earlier this year Dr. James Dobson insulted the Democrats’ mascot, SpongeBob SquarePants, with impunity.
Ann gets down to business:
…I wanted to return to a story from a few weeks ago that passed from the headlines far too quickly.
Nichols’ murderous rampage began when he took the gun from a 5-foot-tall grandmother who was his sole guard at the Fulton County Courthouse. It ended when an otherwise unremarkable 26-year-old woman appealed to the Christian conscience of this same violent killer holding her hostage.
At 2 a.m. one Saturday night, Ashley Smith went out for cigarettes while unpacking her new apartment, yet another victory for tobacco pleasure. Returning from the store, Smith was grabbed by a man at her front door, who put a gun in her side and told her not to scream. He asked if she knew who he was. When he removed his baseball cap, she saw it was Nichols, the dangerous fugitive all over television who had escaped custody during his rape trial and had killed four people in the previous 48 hours…
…In short order, Smith was reading aloud to Nichols from the Christian book “The Purpose-Driven Life” – in direct violation of his constitutional right to never hear any reference to God, in public or private, for any purpose, ever, ever, ever! For more on this right, go to the “People for the American Way” website.
Ann is correct. All liberals want the word ‘God’ to be banned from use in private homes. We just don’t ordinarily admit it. I’m glad Ann has the balls to set the record straight.
:::Read More:::
After reading the first paragraph of Chapter 33 aloud, about serving God by serving others, Nichols – the man pundits were calling an “animal” – asked her to read it again.
Nichols listened to the passage again and responded by telling Smith he was already dead, saying, “Look at my eyes.” But Smith looked and told him God had a purpose for him, perhaps to minister to other lost souls in prison. Smith read to Nichols some more, both from the “Purpose” book and from another popular book that’s been dropped from all news accounts of this incident: the New Testament. (In the Hollywood version, Smith will be reading from the Quran.)
That’s right. We progressives are adamantly in favor of changing all public references to the New Testament into references to the Quran. Thank you, Ann. You know us so well.
Smith knew all about Nichols’ violent depredations from television. Yet she saw him not as a monster, but as one of God’s creatures. Most Christians – most people – have trouble seeing the humanity of people who take our parking spots. Smith could see God’s hand in a multiple murderer holding her hostage. By showing him genuine Christian love, Smith turned Nichols from a beast to a brother in Christ. This phenomenon, utterly unknown to liberals, is what’s known as a “miracle.” Top that, Paul Krugman!
I think Ann has a point about Paul Krugman. Isn’t Krugman Jewish? I think he might be Jewish! I guess there is no point in trying to turn him from a monster into a brother in Christ. Best to continue reviling him.
Nichols told Smith she was “an angel sent from God,” calling her “his sister” and himself her “brother in Christ.” Nichols said he had come to Smith’s home for a reason, in Smith’s words, that “he was lost and God led him right to me to tell him that he had hurt a lot of people.”
This trampling of our Constitution – I mean this conversation – lasted long into the night. They watched Nichols’ shooting people on television. Nichols said he couldn’t believe he was that man. In the morning, Smith made Nichols eggs and pancakes for breakfast. Then she walked out of the apartment to pick up her daughter and to call 911. The last thing Nichols said as Smith was leaving was to say hello to her daughter for him. When the police arrived, Nichols surrendered without incident, an utterly transformed human being.
I’m sure that’s true. He was a rapist and a murderer, but a few hours with Ms. Smith utterly transformed him. I assume Ann will be at the forefront of people denouncing his execution.
Heaven help the average liberal if this ever happens to him! What would an urban secularist do? Come sit down and let me read to you from Michael Moore’s “Stupid White Men.” Or maybe he could put a SpongeBob video in the VCR. WE ARE FAM-I-LEEEEE! At least before he killed again, the dangerous fugitive would have warm feelings toward homosexuals.
Does anyone understand this reference to homosexuals? I know Ann is a genius, but sometimes she forgets how stupid we liberals are. I can’t figure out how homosexuals figure in to this ‘miracle’ at all.
Right. Now everything is clear to me. I must kill feminists…especially the loony types.
Boo, have you ever heard the remarks made about her on Air America by various hosts? I’d really rather not repeat most of it here but, if any of it is true, I hope — I mean this sincerely — she gets help.
As for her writing, that’s a different matter. I just posted this comment over at kos, and will paste it here: The local paper carries her column for “balance,” along with Cal Thomas, against the columns of Molly Ivin and Maureen Dowd. At first, I set out to write a letter of protest to the paper, then it dawned on me: If anyone who reads her drivel actually agrees with her, they’re hopeless anyway. And it’s better the paper publish a poorly composed column than one by a better conservative writer and thinker.*
…..
*Actually, I’m not sure that that’s the proper attitude. If the paper published Pat Buchanan, for example, the rightwingers would at least be reading someone who has tremendous knowledge and background and who shares conservatives’ grave worries about the war, free trade, etc.
I don’t listen to much Air America. I’m barely ever in my car anymore. And my radio is for funk.
Having read the column, there’s no other way to say this: I realize that Ann is completely, totally correct. She really does understand how a true Christian would be able to defuse such a dangerous situation, while we liberals would not. Thus, I suggest that every murderer and rapist head over to Ann’s house, pronto.
I’ll be honest, I only read the first paragraph and then all of Booman’s comments. I can’t stand her and if I read the whole thing I’d end up ripping out my hair.
How I wish the pie guys hadn’t misssed.
the shit in that article is so ripe you can smell the stench down the block at dKos.
It is truly breathtaking in its cynicism.
Okay, I read it. If you’ll exuse me, I have to go buy some Rogain.
Blitzer must have been this article before his BS comment to Begala. And what the hell was “yet another victory for tabacco pleasure” all about?
I meant Blitzer must have been reading this article before his BS comment to Begala.
that if we ignore her, she’ll go away. You know, if we stop paying attention to just how fucking stupid she is, she’ll shrivel up and die. Of course, we could just throw water on her–worked for Dorothy. Anyway. She isn’t going away. But I’m not sure how you engage someone who is so clearly out-to-lunch in anything that looks like a dialogue.
I need to read some poetry. Get the taste of her shit out of my mouth
Ann Coulter, or is she only limerick worthy?
Perhaps a koan.
oooh a challenge. this might be fun.
Aryan princess
the face of banal evil
hate personified
skinny idiot,
intellectualism
is not your domain
There once was a writer named Krugman
Whose jottings were mostly pedestrian
He slammed Condoleezza
Without even a bless ya’
Which proves all liberals are cavemen.
limericks are hard. this is good. the woman gives me hives.
There was once a skinny blond stick
Who sucked reason out like a tick.
The bile of Ann Coulter
Serves as a revolter
And makes honest thinking folk sick.
There once was a girl pro Fox news
Lord knows what she did in the pews
Anne Coulter’s her name
So join in the game
Be blessed and it won’t cause your blues
I just want to make sure I have this right: we should go spread the word of Christian love in the Middle East and all will be well? Kill ’em with kindness? Catch more flies with honey? Is this what she’s proposing? The woman who wrote books labeling liberals as treasonous and slanderous?
She might take her own advice.
Oh, I’m sorry. If she did take her own advice, she would cease being a hypocrite and she’d have to turn in her Republican membership card. Can’t have that.
The whole feminism thing has thrown me for a loop–the sheer breathtaking lunacy of her rhetoric is something else.
But I guess what I really want to know is this: if she hates feminism so much, and would obviously not consider herself to be one, why doesn’t she get married, remove her Jimmy Choos, set about to scrubbing her kitchen floors, and start popping out babies like Pez? I mean. Feminism made Ann Coulter possible. I guess this is another thing you can blame feminism for.
Her assigned function is to piss off the left and say all the things the more legitimate journalists(and I use both of those words about as loosely as Jenna Jameson’s tampon fits) can’t. The vilest sort of statements then become part of the dialogue, and the left can’t say “Conservatives did this” because it’s only Ann Coulter and not even conservatives take her statements seriously.
She just helps add to the general feel of hatred and mistrust of liberals using the same dishonest dialouge as her less prominent counterparts on the left.
Coulter actually gets paid money for writing like this?
I’m dumbstruck. Luckily a friend of mine – in an honest accident of timing – sent me this little story that somehow answers the question:
Brit and Ann were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Brit suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Ann promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Brit out.
When the Director of Nursing became aware of Ann’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Ann the news she said, “Ann, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Brit, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Ann replied “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home”?
Can’t believe they really let her out.
I wanted to write something snarky and funny about Orphin Annie but can’t seem to get out what I’m thinking when the subject of Coulter comes up. Just seeing her name sends my brain into a Vomit Alert mode.
I always get sidetracked wondering how any decent-remember the children- paper has the nerve to publish her columns period. Blonde Venomous Bilge seems to sell.