Runaway bride blames lack of sex, appears on toast

BOLTING bride Jennifer Wilbanks was chased away by her fiance’s insistence on abstinence, friends of the sex-deprived couple claim.

“She told people the fact that she and (husband-to-be John Mason) were not having sex was upsetting,” a friend of Wilbanks said.
Friends said Mr Mason was once a “wild” guy who “dated a lot”, but became a Christian and “born-again virgin” five years ago.

In Ms Wilbanks’ home town of Gainsville, girlfriends told The New York Post the 32-year-old woman had once enjoyed a very active social life, regularly dating men from a local gym as well as firemen.

Ms Wilbanks, who had breast implants before meeting Mason, “had lots of boyfriends,” a friend said.

Some of her pals said she grew increasingly anxious as her wedding approached, complaining that the plans were “frustrating”.

Ms Wilbanks, whom authorities said planned her getaway in advance by buying a bus ticket and cutting her hair, added: “In my mind, it was never about the timing, however unfortunate. I was simply running from myself and from certain fears controlling my life.”

Pastor Tom Smiley said Ms Wilbanks was undergoing “professional therapy” and has postponed the wedding.

It was also revealed yesterday she claimed to have been raped during her “kidnapping”.

“She made accusations she had been sexually assaulted during the course of her abduction,” Albuquerque Police Sgt Trish Ahrensfield said.

Ms Wilbanks reportedly submitted to a rape exam and later recanted both the rape and kidnapping claims. link

After a great deal of soul-searching, I decided that I could not in good conscience participate in the conspiracy to keep BooMan Tribune the only blog without a Runaway Bride Thread.

Especially now that she has appeared on a piece of toast.

Current bid:  US $16,100.00  

Time left:  20 hours 7 mins
7-day listing, Ends May-08-05 07:42:02 PDT
Start time:  May-01-05 07:42:02 PDT
History: 116 bids   (US $1.00 starting bid)
High bidder:  puterbargain ( 26)

Jennifer Wilbanks found on my morning breakfast toast. I still think her fiance did it !!! This is the one and only Toast Depicting The Scam Artict of the year Jennifer Wilbanks. Look at the eyes its her. Dont be fooled by others. Sold to high bidder shipping priority$3.85 Ebay tossed me off but im back!!! Just like Jen. link

Author: DuctapeFatwa

an error ocurred while trying to process this directive