It’s amazing how many fun things I miss because I’m obsessed with politics. For instance, this Expo completely escaped my notice.

Sex tech, titillating toys and porn stars featured in a seedy carnival of carnal pleasures across the street from Madison Square Garden on Saturday at New York’s first Erotic Expo.

Who can resist a “seedy carnival of carnal pleasures”? I wonder what goes on at such carnivals? Do they have these things in Kansas?

Tera Patrick, Britney Rears and Tiffany Mynx were among the popular porno queens posing for pictures with fans in the two-day event that ended Saturday, while product innovators flogged everything from patented condoms to art object dildos, and an exercise program devised to make a man’s private parts bigger.

More on this exercise program below. Perhaps, Senator Schumer can have Medicare supply sex offenders with the DVD when he takes away their Viagra.

:::flip:::

A crowd of mainly young- to middle-aged men shuffled by the stations to ogle hard-core movie stars and sex accessories.

Mynx, showing off her features in a scanty costume, flexed her muscular derriere and encouraged a woman who asked to pose for a picture with her to “go ahead, grab it, squeeze it.”

On the counter were copies of her films including “Tales from the Crack,” and “Weapons of Ass Destruction.”

Classy. I see she has a specialty.

Across from Kassman was The Bungee Sexperience, an award-winning design that puts a sex partner in a harness suspended by a bungee cord to “put the bounce back in your sex life.”

Miss Fyre, a big-busted spokesmodel for the bungee, said it was fun seeing people walk up to a demonstration and see their eyes light up with the possibilities after watching a move she called, “the corkscrew.”

This contraption may, or may not, have been featured in an episode of ‘Sex in the City’. Without having seen the ‘corkscrew’ performed first hand, I still advise stretching before attempting it.

Ah, yes, the DVD.

Another of the new products is called “Matters of Size,” an explicit DVD exercise program designed to add inches to a penis.

The five-phase program demonstrates an elaborate series of stretches, twists and rotations in painstaking order, and how many “sets” of each drill is required over the months to achieve the proper end.

It sounds painstaking. I think I’ll pass.

While the Erotic Expo sounds pretty interesting to me, not everyone was impressed.

One higher-end exhibitor was disappointed.

“This expo is very low end,” complained Shiri Zinn, a conceptual designer who offers a line of exquisite glass and silver dildos with fox fur tail attached that cost about $1,600 and are numbered like art objects and mounted on silver stands.

“I believe that sexuality and fashion go hand in hand,” said Finn. “Women want style, women like expensive materials. They don’t want trash.”

I’m not a woman, so I couldn’t say. All I know is that this Reuters reporter drew quite an assignment.

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