Well, yesterday I spent the afternoon with a military social worker doing a family assessment. My husband was to have returned to Iraq this January for his second tour. My son had a very serious surgery though in August of 2004. It is called titanium rib, and it is used in children who have severe scoliosis. It saved his life.
Tricare made me fight for it though for a solid year because it hadn’t quite gotten FDA approval. It was FDA approved the same month that my son had his done and I can sleep at night now. Even though Tricare had approved seven other children for the surgery before my son they still made me fight tooth and nail for it.
I didn’t get much sleep from April of 2003 through August of 2004. My husband was in Iraq and our three year old son’s scoliosis was at 90 degrees and paralysis was going to begin to set in. I was fighting with an insurance company and four different doctor’s opinions……just pick your opinion, any opinion and fight. Put your gloves on and fight. I prayed that both of the men in our family could fight out the year and live full happy lives. I awoke from a nightmare one night in which the only thing left in the house was female….all of our men in the family had passed on.
My husband made it home bodily safe. They did my son’s surgery in August 2004 and we were sent to Fort Rucker in October 2004. My son was still healing but we had 30 days to get here, my husband had asked for a compassionate duty. His wife was fried alive. Like I’m telling you all anything that you don’t already know if you read my first diary.
We have been “here” now for eight months and sometimes the military wants to do evals on families in our position, wish that I hadn’t gone along with it. First off, just let me say that when they call they at first attempt to not treat you as a civilian. They attempt to make family members feel militarized along with the parent or spouse, which I don’t buy. My husband is a soldier not me, so don’t call me and attempt to put on that authoritative voice with me that the military requires me to do something because they have the legal right to require JACK from me. All I signed was a marriage license.
I find it necessary though to play nice so I agreed to have an assessment done, and once again I ask myself why I approach this system in this fashion at this time in our history. The military isn’t a sane institution at this moment. After all was said and done I was told that last years stressors won’t be factored into the current assessment but they will put an extra paragraph in describing what the family has endured after I was literally beating the table with my fist.
I had the current situations and challenges that my son and the family face daily so minimized you would think that my son had only sprained his ankle. Why oh why do I put myself through this shit with these people? They are being pressured someplace by someone about making every soldier look deployable on paper.
We haven’t pushed the PTSD issue. We have allowed them to say that my husband has his anxiety disorder and hope that he can just finish his career out as is. If they diagnose PTSD my husband won’t be able to fly and I don’t know if he could hope to finish his career out at all. He went to a private facility a couple of weeks ago and will go back again in about six months…..they are addressing the PTSD and have an excellent track record in dealing with it. He has returned home much calmer and collected, he seems even happy at times. We paid for it ourselves and I really don’t care at this point so long as my husband is able to function and be happy and have a healthy life.
A bunch of houses went up for sale here last month. Houses usually turn over slowly here, I was surprised that so many were up for sale. I thought that maybe a bunch of flight school teachers and trainers had gotten their go to Iraq papers, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Looks like Fort Rucker is only going to be a two year stop though while Iraq is on. At least it felt that way yesterday!
The really depressing part of everything though was when I discussed how glad I was that my husband was home because the twice yearly extension surgeries done on my son’s back are something that I don’t think I could do alone, and I was told that in their opinion I could. I mentioned that this was a compassionate duty for him and I was told that he is going to be going back into the hopper soon they think. I mentioned special deferments and they tried to act like such things don’t exist. Why lie to me? I already know they do and was given all the pointers I would ever need to get it done by a retired Lt. Colonel who ran the family advocacy program at the Air Force Academy! I hate nothing worse than to sit across from these people while they perform the mission on me. I’m a D personality……I’m one of the assholes who usually jockeys for position so I can give the mission, so go fuck yourselves!
I’ll be the first here.
Fuck them and their minimization of your experiences, emotions and self. (said it a bit more elequently the first time, sorry, it’s been a long day(s))
You are one of my heroines and I hope that no matter what happens “virtually”, we will stay in touch!
(aka dithot)
All that damn pie stuff just got on my nerves and I was miffed, but I guess since my dad was a construction contractor I tune stupid boys out a bit, just a bit. This afternoon though it was so quiet and just flat dull on Kos and I started wondering what the heck was up. When I figured it out I started chewing out a little, what’s the use though. I really need my sisters right now too in my life and I need their voice and their energy. Because so many don’t feel welcome there now I feel really really ticked off! First they told me that what I needed didn’t matter as much as what they wanted, and then they ran off everybody whose gathered voice empowers me. What a bunch of idiots!
Yeah, look at me…glad you can’t right now! I’m out on my back deck in nothing but my underwear (just the bottoms) saying a great big FUCK YOU to all of the guys who got to run around with their shirts off when I was a kid….
Silly I know, but these past two days have just worn me out!
I noticed in your intro. post you said you “just turned 40” — are you by any chance a Pisces??
Turned 39 in March myself, right around the time I registred at dkos…
May 28th. Two personalities! Hilarious that you are guying out today…….do you live in the country? I’m jealous!
That would have been my second guess!
Nah, I live pretty well inside the Austin city limits — we just have fences…damn them anyway! 😉
YOU DOG!! You live in the Mecca of Sanity in the South!
Heh. It may be so — I like what Kinky says:
“Austin: not so much IN Texas as surrounded by it.”
Now why anyone wouldn’t want to have this man as governor, I do not know! 😉
with my husband was on 6th Street – how romantic I know! I loved Austin in the late 90s, now whenever I visit it is so massive it hurts. We lived in San Marcos for almost a year when we were first married, even though it’s a college town it’s more my speed – small but with kick! Now I live near El Paso, which is Blue but missing the kick.
you know, I have live in Austin 8 yeaars now, and have been down to 6th street maybe 10 times all told.
I miss Liberty Lunch, ti was one of my favorite places in the whole world — I have a couple of pieces of it (one signed by Bob Mould — he played the last show there before they shut it down) in my living room! 😉
We mostly only go out when we have visitors…
I’ve only been to El Paso once, but I loved the vibe of the city!
Kingdom of Heaven
Once upon a time in the kingdom of heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael, looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God. “And I’ve put Life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”
“Balance,” inquired Michael. “What is balance?”
God explained pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh, while southern is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. “I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The archangel impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land mass and said, “What’s that one?”
“Ah, that’s Texas. — the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests. The people from Texas are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the idiots I put in Austin.”
You know the idiots being referred to – not YOU. I’m in Dallas now, but previously from California. Austin as a community is the closest thing to California within driving distance of here. However, the things that get done (and not done) there every 2 years are astounding.
I wondered where you went! I’m glad I found you all. I’ve seen catnip and lorraine over here also. You are such a brave person and an inspiration to all of us. I hope we can bring you some support and comfort as well.
This morning I saw a story on a young girl who had suffered from a related syndrome and how she had just received treatment (replacement of a badly bent portion of her spine with a jacket made from ceramic and titanium mesh). Though I had relatives who contracted a much less severe form of the disease, seeing that poor child and what she had gone through gave me a much better sense of the horrid effects that this illness can cause in its most severe form.
I hope your son is recovering, and that this surgery is the only one he’ll ever need.
Why is it that everyone I have EVER thought was cool at dKos is here?? Why, oh why didn’t I come here before — all the cool people, none of the crazy makers!
You still have your job don’t you, your diaries on geolology and coal mining and…were just so awesome!
Thanks, brinnaine. I just found my way here (chiefly though the helpful trail of crumbs left by Jerome).
I do still have my day job. The only people that seemed to note the big “waving a red flag in front of the bull” diary were the handful of fellow liberals at my work, and they all kept their mouths shut. So I lived to work another day.
Heck, we’re even undergoing a changing of the guard, with the old CEO (and Bush Pioneer) retiring, and some new folks taking over the PR department. I’m hopeful that this new crew (which has more of an engineering background and less of a financial origin) might take a more reasonable stand on some issues and realize that we can actually make a win out of tighter environmental controls. Doubtful, I know, but then, I’m a Democrat. I always hope for the best.
Now I have to decide whether it would be a violation of my “I ain’t posting no more diaries on dkos, no sir,” pledge if I posted diaries here. Because, darn it, really great news and opinion pieces keep coming up that set my diary nerves all a jingle.
I second the welcome, DT. You won’t know me, but I’m a fan.
You offer insight into a topic near and dear to many of us, from a perspective we don’t often have access to.
If you have the time, of course — the changes at work sound like a hopeful sign! Should be interesting, anyway! 😉
Do you get back to WVA much?? I lived in Blacksbug (VA) for 8 1/2 years and just LOVE that part of the country…geographically anyway, some of the people, well, not so much! Good goddess, but how I miss the mountains!!
I’m actually from Western Kentucky, but I visit the mines in WV with some regularity. I was out there around the first of the year and was astonished to see the number of Kerry signs still posted in yards and on cars. The Bush people had pulled in their horns, but the Kerry supporters just weren’t going to go away.
I also saw more “Christian Democrat” bumper stickers there in a day than I’ve seen anywhere else.
Made me think that the WV Dems are not going to go quietly.
You’re way too valuable a contributor to retire just to follow a pledge.
Good to see you writing again. I gotta spend more time over here.
Read your diary on strip mining, very good diary! My son is doing better right now than I dared to expect. There is a lot of torque on his ribcage right now and one of the rods is growing through a bone. When it gets to the other side they will reattach it. The incisions for the extensions are about two inches long and it seems like a lot of times to open an area, but they have had good results for the past 10 years with it. Because of his scoliosis his ribcage was growing deformed and his lungs were becoming compacted. If they used one of the old growth rods on him they could have probably gotten his spine to straighten enough that his spinal cord wouldn’t have been injured but his lungs would have continued to be compressed and not able to fully inflate. I have learned that our lungs do most of their development from 0-8 years old, and fully inflating the lungs is part of that development. When they straightened his ribcage his bones were still more flexible than some of the older children that they do this on, so they flexed the heck out him and his ribcage is growing in the new configuration. He had dead spots in his lungs already that rejuvenated due to his age once the lungs were free. Without this particular sugery he would have probably died from cardio pulmonary problems at around 30. He has an extremely high I.Q. and is able to walk and run a bit. His verbal skills at 4 yrs old tested at 6 yrs old, so he is a very talented little guy if I can just not let his body betray him too badly. They really have some amazing things that they are able to do right now, such as the little girl you mention.
in 1991?
but after two years put in his packet for Warrant Officer Candidate School and onto flying, which was always his dream….flying helicopters. He was finishing flight school during the “Storm”. I can still remember him complaining about not getting to go…..the stupidity of youth!! Now he has been, and it isn’t anything glorifying or cool and he’s the first one to say so.
…not bloody likely but oh, well.
The reason I asked, is because I was wondering if he has ever been exposed to DU — this is one of the things (of oh, so many to choose from) that the whole “support our troops” crowd just doesn’t seem to get. In the long run. I think DU will turn out to be much, much worse for all involved than agent Orange ever was, and people don’t seem to give a flying fuck (always wanted to try that too!).
So many horrors, so little time.
Your son sounds like an amazing little person (you alreasy know what I think about his mom!)
exposed and not know since it creates hotspots that live on. God, then you have sand storms over there. All I can say is that he doesn’t seem to show symptoms and he was usually in the air during military operations.
Thanks for that little story.
My brother (career navy flier) was in the reserves during Desert Storm and was about 2 weeks away from being deployed before it was all over. He complained then, too, about not being able to go. He’s a fervent winger now; believes Saddam’s WMD are hidden in Syria. I often wonder if he’d think a little differently if he had actually experienced war.
Geez Tracy, take a FUCKIN BOW for your heart and soul.
Shycat
Hey Tracy, glad you pursued the PTSD issue with your husband, and I’m very happy to hear he’s doing better. How incredibly despicable of the military to threaten to take away his flight privileges if he insists on an accurate diagnosis, and ensures his right to get care through the VA in the future on our dime.
I can’t even imagine what you must have gone through last year with your son. Every time I learn more about you I admire you more. And I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear that your son is doing well.
Hang in there. Life sometimes tests us, showing us just how much shit we can put up with. It gets better. And you come out of it wiser, more confident and more humble, and aware that no matter how bad it gets, you can get through it.
Best wishes and profound admiration.
and do much better. Kind of getting the vibe though that the military would like to put my husband back in play. Nice thing about him going to a private facility is that their record and diagnosis exist out there. I can’t imagine him back in Iraq, particularly after going to that facility…..they do so much nurturing work with people for PTSD that I doubt that my husband could kill anything anymore. He takes spiders outdoors now when they come in the house. There was a big snake outside that the dogs had cornered last week and I don’t know my snakes around here yet. I was afraid that it might be a copperhead because it kind of looked like one. It was trying to strike at the dogs too. He was able to kill it only because I was so scared of it. Afterwards though we found out it was a red ratsnake, it had no fangs and we found its photo online. It was apparently so afraid of the dogs it was only trying to look dangerous. He had a very hard time though killing it.
“I doubt that my husband could kill anything anymore.”
There is so much power in that one sentence, I can’t even begin to articulate my reaction to it. Please let you husband know that there are people out here that have the greatest respect for him and his family.
It sounds like you are smart enough and persistant enough to get the job done for both your son and your husband. Although I know it must be exhausting.
Hope you get some rest. Hope some ranting and conversation here helps to counter those nasty eval folks. I’m so glad to hear that your son was able to get the surgery he needs, and that he’s doing well. I’ll be thinking positive thoughts in the direction of your husband (I already was, since I’ve read your diaries before.) Read your comment over on lorraine’s diary about anger, so here’s a sisterly, virtual hug.
for me. I saw a diary that SusanHu wrote about more torture evidence concerning a U.N. report and I sat at the computer crying. It has been rough making all the changes that a military family makes to meet the requirements of the job. Our military though was so respected the world over, and there was a certain feeling out there that if insanity happened “The Americans Will Come”. That feeling and belief out there in the big world got this military family through more than a couple of tough sacrifices. It’s all gone though now. People fear us and no longer are we admired and looked up to for serving a higher good and protecting human rights to the best of our abilities. It was a crushing blow. When I wrote that I was crying Susan commented back that maybe writing about it would help. It did and it has and my strong overwhelming feelings and deep sadness have healed thanks to this community.
Tracy, always liked your passionate posts over at kos. I never knew until now the difficulties faced by you and your family. My heart goes out to you! I was going to say I wish there was something I could do, but I do know what I can do. Slowly but surely I am turning my family into activists. Bringing your story to light to others around me is one thing I can do. Peace.
What is healing and strengthening is being able to let others know what is going on within “the military family” and telling my story and hearing the group voice and feeling the group energy.
Please accept my condolences for your son. I hope he makes it through OK.
But I am beginning to see sexism for what it is, and this is a prime example. The people were basically saying that your concerns didn’t matter because you were a woman — all without saying a sexist word.
Just a quick possible lead for Militarytracy and anyone else who has a loved one with PTSD or is dealing with it themselves.
I read an article (forget where) about a new-ish treatment called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) that’s supposed to be very helpful. Maybe it’s not as hot as the article sounded, but could be it’s worth finding out more.
Bearpaw,
So many on here very savvy about many subjects. The paperwork that they sent home with my husband suggests EMDR therapy once he gets a bit more settled. He will go back again for one more go around and then I guess certain triggers that may show up can be addressed using the EMDR. This is a very very state of the art place too! Thank you for your post!