Yesterday on my Tell Us About You diary the subject of home births came up and I thought it might be a good idea to continue the discussion in a separate diary.
I had two home births, one at age 37 and the last at age 39. Having 3 previous births in the hospital I was absolutely determined to have these two at home. I had tried to have a home birth for my third child and couldn’t locate a midwife, so I reluctantly went to the hospital. That turned out to be my worst delivery ever, my husband was shut out of the delivery room by a Nurse Cratchett type, but I was told he did not want to be there. He was told I did not want him there. He was so angry and couldn’t understand why I shut him out, that he left the hospital and waited in the parking lot, not returning until long after I had given birth.
For my part, I felt very let down that he was not at the birth and then even more so that he was not there after. You want to talk about being depressed. When we finally got together and compared stories I was plenty mad at the hospital and the nurse and raised a stink. But it was too late for us to have those beautiful memories, that we really wanted.
We were even among the first groups to go to natural childbirth classes and were fully prepared to both participate.
Problem was the staff of the hospital had not caught up with the trend of the times (70’s) and just didn’t like men in the birthing room. That is something I could never understand. Hey we made the baby together, we should be together when it was born, to give just one of the many reasons.
So when I became pregnant with my fourth child, you can imagine there would be no way I would take a chance on my husband not being there and luckily I found a midwife who then delivered by 5th child as well.
I am sure that you all have your stories as well, so lets talk about this and us older folks can share the path we tread so that you younger ones could have things we did not, such as men in the delivery room. The establishment was very much against such a thing, but women prevailed…..
So, what’s your story…
Also there are many issues to discuss around this subject, such as what is the status of home birthing in states. I think it is harder now to have a home birth in California, anyone have info on that?
Hope you will come to this diary and talk about home births, and other ladies on the site also.
If you like you can tell us your stories of hostpital births, I’m sure we all have some good ones.
Here’s to life, death and infinity!!!!!
Cheers, to all women who forever endure the agonies of giving birth.
[Sneaking in to leave this.] Here ya go Diane: Licensed Midwives:
Licensed midwives differ from certified nurse midwives, who are licensed by the Board of Registered Nursing. Those individuals are registered nurses who have received additional training in obstetrics and are certified by the American College of Nurse-Midwives. They work in hospitals and birthing centers licensed by the state, always with physician supervision. Currently, there are more than 1,000 certified nurse midwives in California.
I lol at your comment””[Sneaking in to leave this.] Here ya go Diane”.
Are men afraid of this diary or are you being quietly respectful of us women folk.
Thanks for the info about Cal.
BTW none of my children so far has had a home birth much to my chagrin, but I grinned and bore it (no pun intended, well maybe!!)as I always have tried to do.
My midwife was a lay midwife and with my second child to be delivered by her she was investigated and jailed for practicing medicine without a license as a poor latino women had come to her door in the last stages of delivery and she had to call the paramedics for assistant and transport.
Of course the establishment cannot abide women taking care of themselves in this fashion and do all they can to stamp it out. All of her clients went to bat for her to raise money and secure her release, which we did. She trained lay midwives and was very skilled in her work. She loved children and the last I heard from her she was on the 11th child.
quietly respectful
My grandmother had her children at home assisted by a midwife. My mom is 80 now, and she still remembers the woman across the street in the 20’s that lost her life from a botched abortion attempt (self-administered). When she had us it was the age “doctors as god” – epidural, episiotomies, and seven days bedrest. Pain meds upon request. When our kids were born, I was there in the delivery room (’70’s), and friends elected home birth. [Way cool doc, low light, warm water post-delivery for the baby].
A one-hundred year circle comes back around.
I had four completely disparate hospital birthing experiences….all in my 20’s. If I could do it again (God, I am fighting the urge to have just one more )I would definitely do it at home.
My first labor was managed (badly) the whole way and I was left bruised and battered for weeks after. I didn’t have insurance and went to a clinic for low income women where they treat you like a lab rat. Apparently my labor wasn’t going fast enough for them so they had me on a pitocin drip and talked me into getting a spinal block and then had to use forceps when I couldn’t feel my lower half and couldn’t push. Owen came out looking like he’d been beat up and I couldn’t sit up or sneeze without crying for the better part of 2 weeks.
Two other births were induced because of hypertension, and I received epidurals which proved ineffective. I had been told that they were a godsend but I felt everything…and the last one in 1990 almost killed me somehow. Immediately after my son was born my blood pressure bottomed out and they rushed the crash cart over just in case. Talk about scary.
In between I had a completely natural hospital birth simply because I was at home watching Farrah Fawcett in “The Burning Bed” while convincing myself that my contractions weren’t that close together…surely I had time to see her actually incinerate her abusive husband while he slept…didn’t I?
By the time the movie was over and I got the hospital it was too late to have medication so my daughter was born peacefully after less than an hour. I got to reach down and pull her out of me and up to my chest. It was beautiful. My recovery time was almost nothing and she was the most serene baby….for the first few days until she discovered that she was destined to be a little hellion.
I will encourage my daughter to try home birth if everything seems to be going smoothly with her pregnancy…and she better let me be right there with her!
Hi Second, yur story brought up some memories for me. Good and bad ones, but I will focus on the good ones. During my first home birth, without medication, I was laying there with my eyes closed, hoping this would all soon be over when my midwife said, “diane reach down and pull out your baby”,(he was almost fully born at that time, in a face up position) and I opened my eyes, leaned forward and looked down, there was my beautiful new son with his brilliant blue eyes just beaming into my eyes and I was so happy that the first site he would see on this earth was me. It was a moment I will always treasure, and repeat the story many times to my son to which he always looks at me with a shy smile on his face. I know he remembers!!!!Somewhere deep inside of him, he remembers.
I have to add that my home birthed children have been the mellowest of all. I think they feel secure and protected from the very beginning, not carried away from their mother by a nurse to who knows what.
Diane, what a great moment to remember!
Part of the reason that I had the boys at home was that I was working in a hospital, and I thought the maternity nurses were sleazy and nasty (sorry to anyone who’s a nurse, it was just this group, I swear!) and wouldn’t dream of letting strangers near my baby.
Hi Second Nature (were you known as Dixie in a former life?)! Sounds like you’ve experienced the whole range of birth experiences; I’m glad everyone was okay!
My mom was there when both my kids were born at home. With the first one, she was there to make sure that she could take over if anyone was in danger (she thought the homebirth idea was a little crazy, and the mom instinct never goes away, doess it?). For that one, I got to reach down and pull him out and up onto my chest too (BTW, you’re the first other person I’ve met that’s done that!). What an incredible thing to experience!
When Mom trotted off to the office later that morning after my son was born, she was telling everyone she worked with that she would have had her babies that way if she had known you could! I was glad to have her there, and I think it’s also made a difference in her relationship with the guys, because she’s known them from moment one.
I do believe I may have been known as Dixie in a former life. Ironic really when considering it was preceded by getmeoutof.
Nice to see you here!
Wow three women who have had the experience of pulling out their babies. I guess that might sound strange to some, it’s not like we have to yank them out, they are just sliding out at that point,(God willing)and it really is a moment of contact that cannot be forgotten.
I do feel sad for all the mothers who have never experienced the tranquility of a home birth, tranquil all except for the mother, until it’s over and done with and then we can enjoy the moment.
Here is to the mothers of life, let no one tell you that you are not the stronger of our species. I watched and participated in the birth of all three of my children. Each one was a life changing event and I will never let anyone disparage a woman by calling someone else that P word. Women in my humble opinion are the strongest element that holds our society together. They are the bringers of life, the protectors of life and the nurturers of life. I have learned more about what it means to be a man from my wife than I could have ever learned anywhere else. Her Father was a Man’s Man, he loved and respected his wife and children, offered them discipline with love and showered his wife with respect and dignity. He was Italian/Mexican/Yaqui Apache and lived his life as I choose to live mine today. At each of my childrens birth, I cried at that Miracle that was bestowed upon me and the awesome responsibility that I chose to accept. Ladies, you have my greatest admiration for your courage, your tolerance and your desire to improve the quality of the human race.
Just over from dKos….
Some people would never understand how political this diary is!
Missed it myself. Agreed in advance to quit at 3 kids–and got stuck with a placenta previa for much of that pregnancy. Cleared up ahead of time, but the midwives at the Albuquerque birthing center wouldn’t have me back. Hubby was the first to hold her–before even the doc. The look on his face was priceless.
This is a highly political diary and many people may not understand what you meant. Or, forgive me, what I think you meant.
57 years ago, when I was born, it was customary for middle class and higher women to have “pain-free” deliveries. Often, they didn’t even see their babies until a week later. By then, the baby was adjusted to formula in bottles and the drugs that dried up the mother’s milk had taken effect. It took them 1000’s of years but men had finally succeeded in controlling and subverting the essence of womanhood, at least in most of the USA. They took away the power inherent in the acts of birth and feeding to further reduce women to helpless passivity.
Reclaiming power over our own bodies — and rites of passage — is a political act in a patriarchal society. Certainly women have more freedom than they did 40 years ago. But, that’s a spit in the big brassy spittoon of history, a momentary anomaly unless we fight to hold ground. This is serious shit and anyone who thinks otherwise is not paying attention to what is really important. If you don’t have control over your own body, all other rights melt away. Women’s rights are human’s rights.
No, you were totally on with my intent.
I just flipped over to a personal ad lib with the second paragraph. My babies were born ’72, ’74, & ’77. Which may explain why I didn’t think to explain the personal-as-political any further than I did.
Both of my children were born in hospital, not that I would have preferred it that way. My son came in 1974 and midwives were illegal at the time. But, I found an OB who was enthusiastic about natural child-birth and I thought the hospital would be a room like any other.
Boy, was I wrong! The nurses absolutely terrorized me, telling me that I was endangering my baby by not allowing them to do a spinal or give me any drugs. They had my husband escorted from the hospital by security guards. He was out in the parking lot calling the police when the OB arrived and ushered him back in by my side.
Good Lord, the OB had a fit and ordered all the nurses out of the delivery room. (Later, they were fired!) I was in the roller-coaster phase just before delivery and thought I was having some kind of acid flashback. All the tension and anger and fear in the room was overwhelming. But, then… but, then, the room was suddenly quiet with just me, my husband, the OB and my heavy breathing.
The OB said, “Look down, don’t miss it!” I pushed myself upright and there was my baby, just his head — I swear he had a smile on his face — and the rest of him slid free and I took him up in my arms. I whispered his name and he opened his eyes and looked up into mine. Why would any woman want to be drugged and miss that?!
Afterwards, a nurse came to take him from me and I raged, “Are you kidding?! Get the fuck away from me!” My husband helped me get dressed and we left with people screaming at us.
Four years later, I had my daughter — at the same hospital — and it was like night and day. There was a Birthing Center and the room had a four-poster bed. My mother and mother-in-law were there along with my husband. All of the staff were supportive and mainly stayed out of the way while I worked. That time, instead of being on an operating table with my feet in stirrups, I squatted on the bed and basically delivered my baby myself while my husband held my shoulders and the mothers sobbed at the joy and wonder of it all.
My daughter-in-law lives in a better world, for sure. She has delivered both of her sons at home and that’s the way it should be. Labor and birthing aren’t medical emergencies; they are joyous family events.
I want to put in a “fascinating book” (I don’t mean to harp, but that little one sentence paragraph has been stuck in craw for about 48 hours now…)
i’ll be back later to share my stories, can’t type worth a damn right now!
Do come back, these stories are interesting!
It’s great to hear all of these stories! I had my son in a “women’s center” (although it wasn’t too far gone from a hospital) just a year ago next Tuesday. It was not the greatest experience. My OB couldn’t be there b/c it was her son’s birthday party and she apparently did not pass on any info about my wishes to the OB who did end up delivering my son. Had my water broken without permission, lots of pitocin, an episiotomy without being asked (although it ended up being an emergency situation). My son had a knot in his cord and was in much danger – I avoided forceps and a c-section by pushing so hard…well, you can imagine.
I would love to have a home birth if I ever have any more children, but would have to overcome my fear of pain first – and that’s pretty tough. I had an epidural with my son (after about 14 hours of pretty hard labor).
I think the home birth option is fantastic, and have also heard of wonderful hospital experiences. Mine just wasn’t one of them 😉