Okay, I’ll admit it- I am happy to move between here and next door. This is kind of a first, since I’ve spent most of my time on DKos relatively exclusively (I’m not interested in places like Redstate, and my own blog languishes). Still, as a newbie here (but not a newbie to the game) I thought I’d write a bit about why I got here without making it some horrible Horowitzian ego-stroke.
So,
(deep breath)
I am a Nice Guy.
Oh sure, there are a few people out in the world who would disagree with that, and yes, they are women, but I say they’re wrong, and you’ll just have to believe me, because I am a Nice Guy in the blandest, most general meaning of that phrase. Oh, but I hate macho crap, and like being where the smart uppity women are.
I was raised by a feminist mother and (for a little while) a feminist father, with later help from a feminist aunt & uncle, grandparents, and stepfather. I am shy and hate violence, but for some reason still like to play rock & roll. I have only ever been in jobs where my supervisors were women (of any preference), except the first job, where my boss was a gay man. So, that’s growing up without macho crap and working in environments without macho crap.
I don’t buy the Fight Club logic of “I’m wondering whether another woman is what we really need”. Granted, a psychopath spoke that line, and it was funny in context, but I don’t agree with it. I resent it when people say superficial things like “be a man, dammit” in situations where it so totally does not apply. I have many male friends (my brother is still my best friend, as are my bandmates) but have many more female friends, who have always been easier to talk to for some reason.
The girls I’ve dated have always seemed to like me a little less than their moms do, and when they dump me, have invariably been asked “but why? He was such a Nice Guy”. Except my current girlfriend, apparently. She’s put up with my Nice Guy crap for 7 years. I’ve tried to be a Jerky Guy, but my gigolo days were a terrible failure of a joke. I’m much better being the dude who hates even calling for a pizza. It’s bugging someone, you know? This has also made job interviews and booking gigs more challenging than they should be.
Anyway, I guess the point is that I jumped over here cause as a white straight male I don’t understand macho crap, or the need to behave that way. I just don’t get it. I’m not done with DKos, though (I do like the orange, you know) because some heavy hitters are still there and hey, it’s an addiction I’m living with. I don’t like the policing of language as far as what is or isn’t sexist behavior but usually people do it for the right reasons in these contexts so IMO it’s ok to err that way.
Since this has rapidly become All About Me I’ll stop. I figured if KO can write about video games (kind of) then there will be some tolerance for totally unrelated self-absorption. I’m not necessarily happy about being a Nice Guy. It definitely hampers me in many endeavors. Still, I figured I could get away with some navel-gazing for my first diary here.
Okay. The last few years were pop albums. This is Rock. Thanks for listening.
are the guys smart non self distructive women end up with in the long run.
You have no idea how many of us look back and wish we had the sense in HS to have dated that nice guy who was our good friend.
So I think I have to vote for nice guys end up winning.
Well, we won’t rub it in. We are nice guys after all. Hopefully we don’t turn into maniacs now that we get all kinds of female attention.
Oh I thought you said where are the nice Finnish guys, cause here I am 😉
Wishing you very safe, enjoyable travels, Mr. Nice Guy!
Hi anom – would you believe I am in the cabin of a stationary cruise ship just half an hour from meeting Elvis half-bro…..and what it takes take get an internet connection – phew!
Now I have to shower and put on some dude-threads 😉
Sven – I’d believe anything about your whereabouts at any given time. And each day, your sig mocks me ;-). Enjoy!
First in my book. You are not alone out there, I have been lucky enough to know several nice guys during my life. I wish we could clone all of you, but then those who really enjoy fighting and arguing would have to be rewired. It’s hard work.
It’s nice to welcome a nice guy here. There are a bunch of nice guys that show up here regularly, so make yourself at home.
I think I’d actually despise the clone of myself. Being all better-looking and smarter and smug about it all, and posting about it on a website.
According to Leo “the Lip” Duroucher…last. And, unfortunately, the Democrats are too nice. They need to be tougher…can they do it? Dean is trying to toughen them up, though he is getting much flack for trying (especially from the tough guy Republicans…who can say all kinds of nasty stuff, but never get called on it, but we utter anything and it is an attack). Is it possible to be tough but diplomatic too?
I believe that it just might be possible to have some values and say that you do. It’s the waffling that drives me crazy.
I think it’s ok to say “Here is my position on that subject. This is why I take that position. If you have any information that you think I don’t have, please supply it, and I’ll consider it.”
Let’s all hold hands and sing songs of brotherhood?
The opposition has different ideas. You don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.
The Untouchables (1987)
Oh, I didn’t mean that.
We must all walk tall and kick ass sometimes. Now more than ever, of course.
Last. Been there, live this. All the smart, beautiful women you adore and appreciate throwing themselves at macho jerks, while telling you “But Larry, you’re a friend, not a man.” After all, since in comtemporarty women’s culture a man is a stupid, selfish, immature jerk, then if you aren’t those things, then ipso facto you aren’t a man. And then after years of being alone, the gnawing loneliness opens you up to the predator that ends up a few years later with all your assets, while barely leaving you your own ass.
Yup, nice guys finish last. Eventually we get smart enough to realize that we’re better off not even thinking about relationships.
I hear you; I’m a very average looking small guy and quite shy in groups, not culturally hip, so I’m typically invisible in bars and other commercial gathering scenes.
The way to date these women is after they’ve dated jerks. I married one 23 years ago who’d divorced her jerk. She tells me I should play my accordion louder and more often. Need I say more?
You’ll have to sort through a few because some of them are consistently attracted in that direction. But in plenty of cases, a bad relationship was an honest mistake or some other one-time circumstance, and you’ll find an open door.
“Dancing” Larry? My wife and I met doing ethnic folk dancing. Folk and ballroom dancing seem to draw more women than men, brighter women than stupid–and sensual women at that.
The other common advice is to date where you play. Every relationship of mine came from a shared activity or work rather than bars or ordinary social encounters.
So many of the nicest guys I know have had similar experiences to yours (yukky divorce), and then when someone good comes along, they’ve shut themselves off from even thinking about relationships (can you tell I’ve been the one shut out before?).
I like Gooserock’s advice, BTW.
I hope that didn’t some across the wrong way.
Glad you do 😉 This old lady gets to rockin’, too, some late nights. Heals my soul.
And nice guys. I finally have one in my life, and it is fabulous! You are rare gems, and I salute you!
That’s just what my mom would say!
Hey, wait a minute…
After years and years of dating complete jerks and being certain that ALL men were complete jerks – I entered therapy.
Well – isn’t that interesting? I am picking the same man over and over again. Hmmmm…
After much navel gazing (and grieving over various issues I am not comfortable revealing) I emerged on the other side. Wiser.
Now I was able to notice and BE ATTRACTED TO men who are not jerks. Interesting. The were there all along, you see, I just couldn’t SEE them – dig?
Now I am married to the nicest nice guy EVER!
Here.