Are you tired of being verbal cannon-fodder for Karl Rove? Would you like to learn defensive skills from a virtual Jedi Master?
The master is Suzette Haden Elgin and the Force is called The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense. The concepts and framework are hers; the commentary is mine.
To begin:
Four principles, Five modes, and one defensive Rule.
Four Principles:
1) Know that you are under attack.
(It took us awhile, but I think most of us have finally figured it out.)
- Know what kind of attack you are facing. (Weapons used, strength of opponent, skill level of opponent.)
- Know how to fit your defense to the attack. (Don’t over-respond or under-respond. Use the right weapons. Use exactly enough force to be effective.)
- Once you have decided to respond, know how to follow through.
Elgin is writing for family and work situations–where you want to defuse and deflect an attack, but NOT maim the attacker. Her work needs a bit of retuning to match the current political attacks–but the frame and the engine are sound.
Looking back at the past few years, we have seen how long it took Dems to wake up to the fact that they were under attack. Then, it took even longer to understand the kind of attack. (Think Kerry vs Swift-Boat Liars). Later, during the debates, we all noticed times when we felt that Kerry answered fire with toothpaste. At last, we are finally seeing Reid, Conyers, Boxer and Dean score points as they finally master the follow-through.
Five Modes:
Elgin calls these the “Satir modes”, named for the therapist who identified these 5 common behavior patterns. Here they are, with a sample phrase to help you recognize the first three:
- The Placater: “I don’t care; whatever you’d like.”
- The Blamer: “You never consider my needs.”
- The Computer: “There is undoubtedly a simple solution to this.”
- The Distracter: panicky, random channel-flipping among the first three.
- Leveling: Straight-forward Truth — or bare-faced Lie.
Elgin compares these five modes to the stance of the gladiator. They are a way of positioning oneself in the verbal sparring contest. Different people will feel different degrees of comfort in the various modes.
We need to be aware that these modes also indicate something to your partners in the dance.
The Placater is a self-identified doormat.
The Blamer is the bully stepping on that doormat.
These two have a well-defined dance.
The Computer is emotionally neutral. For that reason, its defensive and offensive potential is often underestimated. It tends to use technical terms and complicated phrasing. It avoids direct personal remarks in favor of broad generalizations. Learn it well, Young Jedi.
The Distracter cannot attack alone, but can often blind an intended victim to a real attack coming from a different direction. Distracting is rarely part of an effective defense.
Honest Leveling is never an attack. It can be confused with an attack, however. The honest leveler is very reality based, and will not hesitate to bring up problems.
Unfortunately, Leveling mode can also be used to deliver lies. This is one of the dirtiest possible kinds of offense.
Your assignment until the next diary: Hone your awareness and practice identifying the 5 modes.
Post comments that illustrate the themes in this diary, and post questions when you are not sure what you have seen.
And for your own protection, rule 1:
If you feel under verbal attack and don’t know what to do, SWITCH TO COMPUTER MODE AND STAY THERE.
