Not quite as well done as “God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule” which originally ran in The Onion shortly after 9/11, but I got a chuckle out of this and thought that some of you would too.

God Annoyed at Having to “Sort ’em Out”
By Michael Coyne

Heaven – An annoyed God expressed his frustration today at the site of a recent massacre. “What the hell?” muttered the omnipotent one as he sorted through the bodies.

“They’re all dead already,” explained God to visiting representatives of various faiths. “I was sitting around and figured I’d come down from heaven in all my glory and do a little divine visitation. I arrive, and I’m saddled with this. Thanks.”

“Aw, geez,” God added, as he poked further through the mess of bodies. “They’re all mixed together and stuff,” he complained loudly. “Now I’ve got to sort them out. Gross.”

God expressed disappointment at the lack of understanding among the faithful. “It’s easy for you guys down here to just say “Kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out”, but you don’t realize just how much work it generates. I can’t even tell how many bodies are here, for starters. I’ve got to pick my way through them all before I even know if we’ve met quota this month… and don’t even get me started on the paperwork this entails!”

The Supreme Being picked an arm out of the pile in obvious annoyance. “And then look at this, an arm. Does that guy count as dead? Or just maimed? Where the hell is the rest of him? Is it somewhere in this pile or a different one? Or is there some guy wandering around wondering where his arm is?”

Read the rest here:
http://www.bbspot.com/News/2005/06/let_god_sort_them_out.html

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