[Crossposted at CultureKitchen.]
I have a date tonight, first one in about eight months. I’m a little nervous, for both the regular reasons (Will I like him? Will he like me? Will we both sit there suffering in silence?) and another reason that feels even more prominent at the moment. He owns a business that has experienced tremendous growth in the past year. I’m a temp who beat the poverty-care line by $20 for an emergency room visit this winter (I did have insurance, though). There’s a bit of a class difference here, and that’s incredibly discomforting for me.
In part, that discomfort comes from what we can’t do. To be honest, at this moment in life, I can’t even afford to go out for a decent dinner, something I really, really enjoy. Right from the start, I have to place limits on what we’re able to do.
He could, of course, pay for dinner if that’s what we chose to do. But that, too, leaves me feeling uncomfortable. It’s not that I don’t like being treated, it’s that I can’t pay for dinner. The difference in ability to pay flows from disparate control over resources. In other words, he’s got more power than I do.
But the power differential is only part of it. It’s a subjective thing as well. A couple friends of mine are talking about buying houses. I’m wondering if I’ll have enough to cover deposit on an apartment later this summer. Some of the daily concerns in our lives are very different. Buying a house is the furthest thing from my mind, indeed I doubt I’ll ever be able to do it as I’m relying very heavily on loans to pay for my graduate education. I’ve got a mortgage worth and it scares the hell out of me.
It’s this feeling of uncertainty (not yet desperation) that’s so disquieting. Not having control over your life, not being able to do the things friends take for granted, worrying daily about whether or not to buy that extra soda…it can wear on you. There’s a line in Michael Franti’s song “Rock the Nation”:
but do you feel me when I say I feel pain everyday
when I see the way my friends gotta slave
and never get ahead of bills they gotta pay
no way no way!
Franti’s overall song describes a situation much more desperate than the one I find myself in. I’ll get by, and I’ve got a future career (committee willing) that will allow me to do some of those things I so enjoy and can no longer afford to do. Others are far from that lucky. I feel weird writing about being poor, since I do teach college…I am a professional and I’ve got it a lot better than a lot of other people. I have worked as a Professor and have made a fairly decent living. Right now, I’m not. However, there are also a lot of folks in situations similar to mine, eking out a living, managing to tread water, keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs, to survive. That work can be tiring; treading water is exhausting. Do it long enough and your legs can give out, your head sink below the surface, and your lungs fill with water. It’s easy to drown if no life preserver is ever thrown out.
I still remember the first (and only) time I flew business class (they’d forgotten to give me a seat assignment, so I got this one as the plane was boarding). I didn’t know how to act. I didn’t know the drinks were free when I was boarding (I did figure it out by dinner time), and that’s why I refused them (who wants to pay for overpriced airline drinks?) It was great! I actually had enough leg room. And at the beginning, it was incredibly uncomfortable. I’m not “of” the people who usually sit up there, and I’m always aware of that.
More than anything, this post is about the little ways that this can enter our subjectivity. My feelings of not quite being able to pull ahead; of, yes, intimidation and inferiority with a potential date of means; the fact that I spent my elementary school years living in a trailer and cringe when I hear “trailer trash”; all these things are related. They flow, in part, from my own class-based experiences and they shape the ways I interact with people.
I’m not sure where this is going, to be honest. I’m just trying to play with this, to figure out the discomfort, to figure out what to do about it. And I hope it doesn’t fuck up the date.
Just go have fun. I can relate to the dating and money side. I’ve dated millionares and blue collar men- Money is not and never has been a priority for me. I didn’t even care for the money men and how they would try to impress- Either you’ll click or you won’t and if he has a ‘money’ issue he ain’t worth it period.
And blue collar men are much sexier and better in bed:-)
Oh rosee, you said it true. Having money has less to do with anything important than anything I can think of. Yes, it is nice to not have to worry about every penny or if you will be able to eat, or if you have a place to live that you can afford. Beyond that, who cares.
Let your sense of worth come from within. It is who and what you are as a person that matters, and all that matters. Take people as they are and expect the same from them. If he is a worthwhile person, money shouldn’t have anything to do with it.
Just have fun. Be yourself. And laugh a lot.
I was going to include some stuff on this, but it felt like it complicated things too much. But, I’m wondering if this sense of discomfort, of hating the feeling of dependence, of the dis-ease in the power disparity flows from being a guy. I haven’t thought through it too deeply, but it feels like it’s in here somewhere.
People comment about it not being an issue for him. The bigger point is that it is an issue for me. That disparity in power, the feelings of dependence…I don’t like those. AFOG (Another Fucking Opportunity for Growth.)
I can relate to this comment:
“this sense of discomfort, of hating the feeling of dependence”
As a woman that came from a blue collar background I always presumed that I would work. During my first marriage (when I only worked part-time) and some heated arguments in my current marriage, money and dependence was an issue. In some ways it still is…because my independence is critical to me.
Who dictates how I spend my money?
Who makes the final decisions on major purchases?
Do I have my own checking account – with no questions asked as to how I spend it?
As a result of the issues of dependence, I have always worked and maintained a separate account. It is interesting since I now make as much money as my partner. Verbally he says my income level doesn’t matter. When I made substantially more then him though it was subtle but real that he resented my salary.
Advice…enjoy the date…worry about the money later.
If the relationship progresses then talk and work out the dependence / money issues before it gets to far. Hold your ground on your independence and the partner in your life will respect you…or it’s time for a new partner.
It does seem that being a woman in our culture means that bringing home the bacon can be optional. My son goes to school this fall and I have just discovered that it will be an all day kindergarten. Because my son has disabilities I have not worked since his birth, but now things are changing and a job is possible again. I have been out of the job market for five years and feeling inferior right now too. Try not to sweat it and have some fun on your date!
I will remember that one, for I am so often in need of it.
For the pre-date jitters aspect of this diary, I have only the most cliched advice to offer, but I really believe it is true: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Be secure in the choices that have led to this impoverished stage of your life, and be confident that you are where and who you need to be right now, including the student loans, the slave wages, AND the wealthy date tonight. It’s all good. If nothing else, it is very interesting.
People seek in romance a partner who can offer them something they need. IME this is rarely money or the things it can buy. The guy you are meeting tonight may be looking for someone who isn’t absorbed in business as he has been of late. What does he seem to offer you? Focus on just being together as people, and chances are good the money stuff will be a non-issue, at least in the early days — and the early days is all you’ve got at this point, baby, so don’t borrow trouble!
Good luck. We’ll expect a full report tomorrow. J/K!
Me too — LOL!
I wish I had something interesting to say, but just this:
I HEAR you on the “mortgage worth” of debt. I have a husband and two kids and I often feel that I have mortgaged THEIR future for my education and often I have HUGE amounts of paralyzing guilt about it — I am about 6 months away from finishing my Ph.D. (like you, committee willing) but I don’t see ANY job I get paying off that debt before my kids are grown — I’m scared too.
I hope you had a wonderful time!
And it’s not like writing books that three people will read will go a long way toward paying them off…i joke about wanting a sugar daddy, but I couldn’t handle that.
Got AFOG from my sister…it was a thing she and the other hospital chaplains were working with used to describe some of the situations they faced…i like it.
Part of the discomfort you feel may be due to a fear of being on the short end of the relationship in terms of an unequal divide of power. You’re already feeling somewhat powerless because of your economic situation, and this relationship has the potential to rub salt in the wound.
On the other hand, you have no reason to suspect a priori that this person is going to abuse this situation, rub your face in it, etc., so I would really try to go on the date avoiding the expectation of problems. Going into something expecting problems due to some lack on your part has a colloquial name: “having a chip on your shoulder.” There’s no need for you to assume that stance with someone you don’t know, who may turn out to be a wonderful person if given a chance.
Many people have faced and overcome the problem of a potentially unequal relationship. It’s not about how much money he has, it’s about who he is, what he does, how he thinks.
My wife (of 23 years this October) came from a much better financial background than I did. Ironically, she was ready to rebel against her parents and leave all the money behind, as their largess cames with strings attached of emotional headgames that she had her fill of. She had financial power, but was willing to renounce it. My point is that you don’t know this person’s feelings about his financial position until you get to know him better, so don’t pre-judge him. Go have fun, get to know him, and hopefully it will be great.
And if you hit it off, don’t be afraid to let him splurge on you once in a while. Sometimes the best gift we can give our significant other is letting them have the pleasure of doing something special for us. If he’s giving out of love, it won’t be about the power, it will be a desire to give a gift. And refusing the gift in all cases will be falling into that “chip on the shoulder” thing again. His feelings will be hurt, and you’ll be building a wall for reasons you may never even talk about.
It can be tricky, but you can manage it. Your gut will tell you when it’s a power thing and when it’s a love thing. And if it’s an abuse of power thing you need to avoid it in any relationship, whether the power comes from money or anything else.
Another great diary Jeff – I’ve become a huge fan.
I’ll be watching today in the hopes of an interesting conversation developing. The comments so far focus on the money/power aspect – completely valid in an of itself, but I’m more interested in that more subjective part. You’ve done well for yourself in the past, you know that you will again in the future – your current poverty is a sacrifice and a just a moment in time – yet your background still haunts you. Been there, done that – and dude, I feel your pain. I don’t have any words of wisdom to offer, but I appreciate that you’ve brought this up and given me food for thought this morning…
glad you enjoy the work…and glad I’ve given you something to think about…hope it was productive
I hope your date is a really nice guy, well worth all the butterflies in your stomach, and maybe someone who turns into someone really special in your life.
It’s interesting (and rather sad) how money and possessions have come to define our ‘class’. Much as I dislike it, I know it was ‘ever thus’ and is not likely to change anytime soon. Overall, that is. It is certainly something that can be changed from individual to individual, depending on how they accept and deal with the world, regardless of how the world accepts and deals with them.
There is no reason to feel less than because you are in a temporary unmonied position… hopefully what you both will bring to the table is worth more than the contents of your wallets.
You will, eventually, be in a more monied class, but that is just a little added (though no doubt welcome) fillup to the class you already possess. The class that brought you from your trailer home, through whatever came afterwards, to the point where you are now… in front of rooms full of hungry, open, closed or just-get-it-over-with minds which you address with all the weight of your experience and knowledge behind you.
Money, power, class, prestige, influence… it all depends on where you put your emphasis, doesn’t it?
He has the power to buy dinner. You have the power to shape worlds.
Good luck on the date, Jeff! I hope it goes well.
Personally, I find the summer allows so many opportunities for inexpensive, romantic interludes – have a picnic by the river. Bike along the esplanade. Take a long walk on a beautiful summer night. Go to one of the many free concerts. If he can’t appreciate the little things, then he isn’t worth it regardless of his finances.
Maybe it’s because I’ve never been one to care a lot about materialism, but being thoughtful and present in a relationship mean so much more than the size of one’s paycheck.
I wish I had some deep thoughts to add, but I’m drawing a blank. You’re an intelligent, articulate, nice, passionate guy and money can’t buy any of those attributes.
I’m a female in the IT industry and I make significantly more than my male SO. Always have, probably always will. For us, it’s never been about power of money. We find plenty to do on the cheap (museums, walks, picnics, etc). Heck he didn’t even know how much I made until he moved in with me.
I’m not sure if you just have first date jitters or if the new man gave off a vibe that resulted in this diary. If he hasn’t made a big deal of his wealth, neither should you. If he does make a big deal of it, then he’s not the right guy for you because he makes you feel uncomfortable – not a good way to start off a relationship.
I have a gay friend who makes well into 6 figures. You’d never know it, except for his car, and he dates men of all backgrounds, white collar, blue collar. Right now he’s dating a nurse. He doesn’t look down on people who make less than him. He looks for people who enrich his life in other ways. Maybe this is what your date is looking for as well.
Ah, the heaven and hell of first dates. I hope it turns out to be the former for you. I certainly don’t have any earth shattering hints for you about overcoming any unease due to the money situation. That’s something you’ll work out for yourself given time.
My best guess would be not to get bogged down in the importance of this date and just try and relax as much as it’s possible on a first date. Since you know this persons money situation it is likely I guess he has some idea of yours-which means he must not think that is any problem and would simply like your company for the evening.
Class divide is a bit artificial and only means you have money or not..it certainly doesn’t denote class-which from your writings I’d say you have an abundance of, by my definition of class.
I can sympathize with your feelings as my background is less than stellar(much less) and hasn’t changed much due to disability income which pretty much means very very low income.(and I’m extremely lucky my sister bought me this computer and pays the monthly internet fee-while I try not to feel crappy that I can’t even do that).
That said, I hope you have a great time, wear clean socks and don’t forget the breathe mints.
Very interesting thoughts. You illustrate, too, that there are so many nuances to class, beyond being simply a description of income gradations. Who is “higher” class: the carpenter who sweats and gets dirty and sunburnt all day, but who clears $75K a year? Or the assistant professor of English who makes half as much but works in air conditioned comfort and is (hopefully) treated respectfully and deferentially by his students, many of them from privileged backgrounds?
And what about their children? The carpenter’s child may (speaking in not-always-accurate generalities, I know: our current handyman speaks fluent French and is something of a philosopher, and it is interesting to me that his father is a piano tuner, an occupation that straddles the line between highbrow culture and “working with one’s hands”) have an expensive four-wheeler the assistant professor cannot provide his child. But the latter can take the family to a museum on its discount (or free) day, and enrich his children’s minds by sharing his knowledge with them.
For those interested in the subject of class in America, but who want an entertaining read rather than a dry sociological treatise, I highly recommend Paul Fussell’s Class : A Guide Through the American Status System. Fussell postulates roughly seven strata (low/middle/high proles; lower-middles and upper-middles; and lower-upper class and upper-upper class) and hilariously tweaks each. (One interesting point he makes, for instance, is that it is upper-middles and to a lesser extent lower-uppers who tend to enjoy gourmet cooking and exotic ethnic cuisine; the uppers tend to eat boring, bland American food, even if they have servants to prepare and serve it.)
He also adds one more class at the end (hope I’m not ruining it for anyone) that he calls “X people”. Fussell includes himself in this group, and says they can be culled from any of the other classes. Essentially, “X” means that one is a bohemian intellectual, who has at least mostly transcended their class conditioning. I’m not sure he has empirically proven his case, but it’s certainly an interesting one to reflect on.
-Alan
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Support Hugo Chavez: Fill up your car at CITGO!
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before your big date. I will bet your date is just as nervous as you are. He may make more money but he may feel that he is not as smart as you.
My husband and I are from two different economic classes and he stills feels guilty that I do not live as well as I did as a child. My mother always told me to marry a doctor but when a married a PhD in Physics she said “AAAHHH! Not THAT kind of doctor.” Just kidding. My parents are very proud of him and our whole family wishes we were as smart as him. Oh, back to my point – He was nervous about dating me because he didn’t make much money but I was nervous because I was not as smart as him. It goes both ways.
Is intelligence (or knowledge–they ain’t the same thing) intimidating? One of my friends once told me that I could be intimidating at times when I really started going. I was horrified. (come to think of it, my students have said something similar…eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek)
I guess, a lot of times, that’s one of the things that gets under my radar, how my own “attributes” might intimidate others…I don’t really know how smart I am (sure, I’m getting a PhD, but I don’t know if that’s really a measure of anything other than insanity).
When my husband was working on his PhD, he turned weird and I also witnessed other doctoral students being really stressed out. One of our friends did become clinically depressed it was a very trying time for all of us. Our friend is doing really well now.
BTW – It’s the next day and I want to hear how your date went. Do tell.
As to how the date went…see below.
I’m in no danger of going insane (did go through a pretty serious bout of depression a few years ago, though), but I do play up my excentricities to the maximum…I figure I’ll let ’em think I’m crazy, and then when it finally happens no one will know the difference.
Great diary and an important topic we don’t speak enough about. I know just what you’re saying, MAJeff. Everyone’s points are good, although I noticed how many were directed at his feelings when you were clearly talking about yours — if he’s a nice guy, he won’t mind, etc.
All good advice, but that’s the whole point, really, not just the surface, but all the unconscious assumptions about the monied person being the more powerful or important one or the decision maker. Even if people don’t actually think that, there it is, under the surface.
I think you’re correct that it’s a power imbalance. It can be tricky to navigate, but not necessarily bad. I think the most important thing is to realize that money is only one kind of power, and not to let yourself concede the others. The real danger is of falling into a passive role.
Everyone’s advice here is good — about the things you bring to the table and the points about classiness (which is different from class) and the only thing I’d really add is the suggestion to actively counter the perceived imbalance.
Suggest things that you can do and pay for. Take him to your favorite museum or treat him to dinner at your favorite dive or hot-dog stand. Invite him over for your “special” rice or ramen dish and a dvd.
Be who you are now, and not just who you can be when you’re with him. Enjoy yourself and, if he’s treating, order without guilt! Sorry this got so long. Most of this is beside the point for the first date anyway. Have fun tonight.
I noticed this, too:
All good advice, but that’s the whole point, really, not just the surface, but all the unconscious assumptions about the monied person being the more powerful or important one or the decision maker. Even if people don’t actually think that, there it is, under the surface.
I was trying to get at some of the small ways that such subjective issues come into play, and the date was more of a prop to do that with (a helpful, timely, and, hopefully, fun prop).
Sometimes it’s in the small things. For instance, a lot of my classmates come from a lot more money than I did. While I may be bright, there are certain conversations I really can’t take part in, because I haven’t shared certain experiences, been to certain places, done certain things etc, all flowing from differences in our class backgrounds. In those situations, though I’m an insider, I’m simultaneously an outsider. It’s one of those weird both/and positions that can just fuck with ya.
There are different modes of being in different social locations (a middle-working class kid from rural Minnesota is gonna “live differently” than an upper-middle class kid from Brookline). I’m still toying with these ideas, still working ’em out.
The date is a fun prop! Of course, it would be more fun if you let us decide what you were going to wear…
But seriously, these unspoken/unaware cultural things is one of my favorite topics. Probably because of the way I was raised, I felt that discomfort in pretty much every setting and it does fuck with ya. It’s sort of like being a tourist and, in fact, I think people who travel are more open to these kinds of discussions. One of the pitfalls of having them is when people take or make an observation of a difference or problem as a criticism.
I not only have to worry about prettifyin’ myself, but now I’ve got to inform everyone here? Glad I don’t have a webcam or I’d have people screaming “That!” “No, That!” “Girl, you are not wearing that out!”
We now have a lot invested in this date. I think you owe it to the community to get that webcam. 😉
I can see the pop-up ads now–Help the Queer get dressed!
I think a cam would ruin the “fabulous” image I maintain. Jeans and a 10-year old red Gap polo (still a bright yet dark red…unfortunately, my orange shirt is in the laundry–I look great in orange)…that’s all he’s gettin’ and the description is all y’all are gettin 🙂
Now, I’ve got to fix my hair.
“Blog Eye for the Queer Guy”
🙂
Knock ’em dead, girl…(I was howling when Margaret Cho did her routine on the various ways “girl” could be used among queens…)
that was a fantastic bit…”oh guuuuuuuuuuuuurl”
So you had a certain life growing up, but that does not mean you must limit yourself in the present. If you find yourself thrown into a “business class” situation, then go ahead and enjoy it. You deserve it, hell we all deserve pleasant things. It’s not like you are out exploiting sweatshop labor, and walking all over others to obtain these things. Sometimes life just offers you something nice, don’t ever feel you are not good enough to receive it.
I’ve explored the whole “good enough” thing as well. Now, I fall into the “Macy’s” class myself. That is, I don’t feel intimidated by being in it — but I do feel intimidated by being in Nieman Marcus. This came up when I realized some of my friends felt intimidated in Macy’s so I started looking at the “department store index” as a measure of self image, It was a really interesting way to discover how you feel about yourself.
And it really is all about how you feel about yourself, there is no objective reality to “department store indices.” The people in Nieman Marcus are not better than me or you, and the only thing that ends up mattering is if we feel like they are.
These class things, these things where some of us don’t have enough, these are false constructions being perpetuated by a few exploiters. They are not natural. Everyone deserves everything. A few have gotten greedy and they try to make the rest feel that they don’t deserve a place at the table. Don’t believe those who say that people who live in trailers don’t deserve a seat just as fine and velvet-covered as any king.
You are as good as anyone else, better, in fact, in your own way. Because only you have your unique perspective, abilities, and offerings to the world. And those are the qualities your date is most interested in, I’m sure. Money may come and go in your life, but the uniqeness of you remains constant.
Go out and have fun. Set limits on spending if it makes you feel uncomfortable to have him pay, but there is plenty of inexpensive fun to be had. If you hit it off, money will probably be the last thing on either of your minds. Oh, those early days of a relationship are magic. Money: don’t need it. Food: don’t need it (except as a sensual enhancer, fancy this or fancy that: don’t need it. There is only him, him, him and being together, and look at how deep the colors are, and how soft the fabrics are, and how everyone you pass on the street is smiling, and how the stars are sparkling and oh, <sigh>
Good luck, may it be everything you want it to be.
Jeez Jeff, just go and have fun. What I wouldn’t give to have a date. I miss the companionship, snuggling, whispering in the night. It’s a first date…just be yourself. Usually, when I go on first dates its something like the beach so they can see me sans makeup, butt gigglin’, cellulita hanging. If they can’t get past that…adios MF.
This has to be a first…someone jealous of my romantic life…this is the third date in three years. The previous two were practice dates (too keep the muscles exercised–they have atrophied), or as my friend, borrowing from Sex in the City, called them, “simudates.”
Borrow my husband tonight. Butt draggin……cellulite hanging…..he’s used to it. His freakin whispering in the night is annoying, and he is like a “person furnace” groping for a snuggle, and I use his farts to strip furniture with. Boy do I have a date for you!
So he’s one a them “unattainable” guys, huh?
And what is your career potential?
These things are more relevant than your instantaneous position in the economy, moreso the younger you are.
And when you land up in much wealthier company, common interests and your knowledge of the world will lay out the ground you have in common, and identify you as safe to keep company with.
I don’t know if you had intended for this diary to continue, and I completely understand if you’d prefer not to spill your guts and follow up… but….
I suspect this topic came to mind a time or 2 during your date, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. I’ve been thinking a bit today about the stickiness of childhood ‘class’.
Those moments of ‘outsider-ness’ will still creep up on me from time to time, even though the last 10 years of my life have been… um, diverse.. and interesting…I’ve done a lot of those things and been to a lot of those places, but…. that won’t keep some people from nonchalantly asking <imagine my haughty bored voice> about your parents, and your background. I can still experience moments of dread.
There were moments it did come up (we didn’t discuss class itself, but the issue was there). He mentioned dropping a couple grand the week is sister visited in order to redecorate part of his house, I mentioned the usual Mom/Jeff day (museum and a Twins game) that I wasn’t going to be able afford to fly back to Minnesota for this summer…things like that. The difference in incomes and lifestyles was obvious (and I ended up speding more on my dinner than I wanted to–just have to spend a little less for the next week).
Had a decent time, but guessing there won’t be a date #2 (oh, well).
Jeff, so there won’t be a date number two because you think he doesn’t want it or you don’t want one? How did you feel about him apart from the relative affluence issue? I think many commenters on your diary have simply been saying “follow your heart”.
And thanks for coming back to tell us what happened – believe me we were all eager to hear. You’ve now had four dates in three years – better than many of us!!
not finding his “mate” lately. I think he worries about it a lot because he got to be himself later in life. He was married to a woman and has a daughter, he tried really hard to be straight bless his heart…..I can’t imagine what he and his wife went through trying to force that marriage to take place. He is fully his authentic self though now. I wish that he wouldn’t worry so much. It was when I became more self loving and self appreciating and self accepting that hell broke loose for me and now I have kids running all over the place and human furnaces groping for me in the summer’s night heat!
I got the impression he just wasn’t that “into” me…ya know how you can pick up on those things. It was perfectly lovely evening, decent conversation, ok food, and it ended with a handshake…just got the impression he’s not feeling it…c’est la vie…time to find date number four (this was only the third in three years)
Thanks for following up… ah- dating, it makes you wonder how in the world people ever hook up..
I think I fall in the ‘it drops into your life when you least expect it’ camp – probably because I really don’t have the nerve for ‘dating’ in the dinner with a perfect stranger kind of way.
You realize, don’t you – that we’ll all now anxiously look forward to your next date… <smile> with the expectation of hearing all about it…
zander’s right, Jeff, you’ve got a lot of people interested. Watch out for the demands that you take a webcam on the next date, though… reality blogging may be a bit beyond the average date’s experience…!! 😉
It’s quite bizarre to have people vicariously living my romantic life (such as it is)…usually, I’m the one doing that.
Even if I never find “the one,” I’m fine…I’ve got my cat (who will win out over any man regardless), great friends, and sex is easy enough to find. A little Whitman:
If no other in the world be aware I sit content,
And if each and all be aware I sit content.
(from Leaves of Grass)
I grew up working class urban Philadelphia, my wife grew up middle class exurban, 40 acre farm outside Kansas City. After 23 years of marriage, our upbringings still affect our day-to-day decisions and outlooks.
Real example – had a discussion a couple of days ago over whether it’s wrong to bring home office supplies (pens, tape, post-its). And our childhoods were at the root of our differences. You get used to it.
Who was on which side in the borrowing from the office debate? Not sure that I can see clearly the origins of the divide on that one…
HOW WAS THE DATE? This is the most exciting thing that has happened in my life since the afternoon exit polls on Nov 2. Was that just a jinx I threw on you? I need more coffee
See Jeff’s comment here, Militarytracy.
I didn’t even see it
Jeez…I thought I put pressure on myself; now my dates are as exciting as the Presidential election (we actually discussed the “Victory Celebration” in Copley Square–I had tickets to get in and he didn’t)
All this from trying to talk about class position and subjectivity 🙂