Verbal Attack Patterns so far:
Pattern #1: “If you REALLY X, you’d Y.”
Pattern #2: “If you really A, you wouldn’t WANT to B.”
Pattern #3: “Don’t you even CARE about X?”
- Identify the mode
- Identify the presupposition(s)
- Respond in NEUTRAL Computer mode TO THE PRESUPPOSITION ONLY
- Stay in Computer mode.
The new twist with Pattern #4, “Even X should Y!”, is the modal verb, “should”…. Toss in the many descriptors of “you” that can replace ‘X’, and this can be a pretty intimidating attack.
Besides ‘should’ and ‘ought to’, likely modals are ‘would’, ‘might’, ‘can’, ‘may’, ‘must’, and ‘will’. They always go with another verb and carry heavy presuppositions.
“John should” – implies that the speaker is a legitimate judge of John’s behavior.
“John must” – implies that the speaker has the right to order John to do things.
“John can” – implies that John has the ability to do, or the option to do something.
“John could” – implies the same as can if certain conditions are met.
“John will” – implies that the speaker knows with certaintly
“John would” – implies that the speaker knows what would happen if certain conditions apply.
As long as the modal reflects the present or the future, it implies that the speaker has special status. This is bait.
Let’s look at some examples:
“Even a Democrat should support fixing Social Security.”
“Even a freshman senator ought to show respect for America’s leaders.”
So what responses work best?
Take a minute to identify the bait(s) and the obvious suppositions.
In sentence 1, there are two baits. The first one is that the listener does not support something. The second one is that the speaker has the right to judge the listener.
By this time you probably realize that the fish who takes the bait (that is, tries to prove they do support, or do know better than) will always end up hooked, dangling on a string in mid-air, and gasping for oxygen.
Leave the bait and go for the presupposition.
A direct “Why?” may work. If you are lucky, you can get the questioner to spend 10 minutes lamely showing you that he has no idea why social security needs fixing.
If you prefer being more subtle….
“I’ve heard the idea that Democrats are inferior to Republicans floated by irresponsible talk radio hosts, but I’m surprised to hear it from you, Mr. Matthews.”
You’ve actually finished this with a compliment of sorts–that Matthews is better than Limbaugh–but Matthews is also stuck trying to justify his implied insult to Democrats.
“The opinion that Democrats are inferior to Republicans is fairly common among newspeople in your situation, Mr. Matthews. In your case, it’s probably nothing to worry about.”
Ouch! You’ve just implied that Matthews is in some kind of ominous ‘situation’–and then reinforced the idea by suggesting that he ‘probably’ wouldn’t be hurt by it. It’s hard to predict how Matthews will respond to this, but he’s not likely to go after Democrats and Social Security! (He’s also not likely to invite you back!)
Another presuppostion you might go after (depending on the details and facts of the conversation) is the validity of equating [something the listener has done or not done] with “being supportive” of “fixing social security”.
Try it yourself! What are the baits and presuppositions in the second example?
Can you come up with some good “I’m suprised at you” replies?
CategoryVerbalSelfDefense diaries are based on the work of Suzette Haden Elgin.
If you feel this is worthwhile, please recommend.
I’m going to try to get the other finished diaries here at BT before we go on vacation; my life has taken a detour recently; an accidental misstep next to a stair well on June 23 (or whichever day was a Monday) changed my dad’s future from a long slide in a much dreaded nursing home into a short crisis in hospital.
His widow, 2 daughters and 6 step-sons–and every last grandchild!– agreed to cut back on life support and let him go. But it resulted in a pretty rough week for all of us.
I’d appreciate if you would discuss this VSD diary without a great deal of input from me–although I will check in as I have time.
chriscol, I’m sorry to hear about your recent loss. I hope your vacation will give you some time to do some healing and some time to be happily distracted.
I also have a verbal self-defense tactic to contribute. I think it came from from a book I read a long time ago about dealing with difficult people, although it might have come from an article or other book on the subject. I did a lot of reading on the general subject at one time. Anyway, the tactic has proven to be useful to me, maybe others will find it helpful, too:
When someone says something outrageous to you (tip-offs include all those words you mention above – would, should, “ought to”, etc.), you can buy yourself some time AND require the offender to do something while you plan your response. And sometimes it is just a great conversation ender….if you want to walk away without having to comment on the stupidity of the remark.
So, here it is: “Would you please repeat that?” – followed by “I thought that’s what you said.” – or “Oh, I thought you said x.” Accompanied by an appropriately emotive facial expression this technique can be highly effective. First, it requires the offender to restate the offending statement. At this point, the person can then simply restate his/her remark, or, as I have seen happen most often, they do some re-thinking and try to remove the offensive or just plain stupid tendencies from their remark(s).
If they try to amend their remark(s), you have already won. If they don’t amend their remark(s), you’ve bought some time to consider your reply – at which point all of your excellent expositions about the Art of Verbal Self-Defense can be brought to bear.
Verbal self-defense is something each and every dedicated persuader SHOULD learn more about. I sincerely believe that if folks remove the aggressive “woulda coulda shoulda’s” from their internal and external comments, the benefits will flow. As a matter of fact, the main difference I have detected between this wonderful web community and some others I have visited in the past is that most everyone here “gets it” about the manipulative use of language. BooTribbers want to focus on facts and reasonable discussions, not on mindless argument and insult. (See catnip’s excellent diary on this at What’s Booman Tribune All About?
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Gentle Peace and Love to you and your family.
i too, am sorry to hear of your loss and wish you, and your family the best at this time. please take care.
I agree that this must have been better than “a long stay in a dreaded nursing home”. Good luck to the family. And great diary, as always. Now if I can just get to the point where I anticipate what to say in response to the attacks rather than cheating by reading to the end of your post…
all I can say is EXCELLENT!!!!!! I personally will take to heart. Watching for more on this nature to come in the future. Thanks both of you.
an American Leader? His constituency chose him to be their American Leader? Why does one constituency get leadership representation while another doesn’t?
Coleen, my love and deepest sympathies for what you and your family are experiencing.
The diaries, as always, are well done and informative. Keep them coming as you have the time and desire to do so.
We are paying attention, make no mistake about that.
Hugs,
Shirl
Really working on how to deal with these A-holes constructively and you have provided an opportunity for me to practice here. Another approach that came to me on the Freshmen Senator comment was to reciprocate with something like, “It seems to me like maybe you are intimidated by fresh ideas and fresh approaches, are you?” If I am told that Senior Senators and other leaders know what is going on and Freshmen Senators may want to learn something from their experience I can always say, “These problems have been hanging around on their watch, maybe someone out of the same old loop can finally bring a new approach and get things cleared up.” Now I really need to practice saying these kinds of things calmly without a lot of emotional attachment.
Even I should read this? And like some cluesless Democrat, I went and did!
I must improve my verbal self-defense.
Good work.