So many times these past years, seeing what is happening to my country has left me stunned and nearly unable to believe my own eyes and ears. There are times when my own sense of powerlessness and despair take me way down, and many times when my outrage was so strong it would me spinning off into useless circles that accomplished nothing of value, and left me drained and worth little to anyone. Much of the time, my frustration at the flat out refusal of others in my personal word to even discuss what’s going on, or even know anything about it.. has left me stewing uselessly in my own juices. I need to find another way to live through these times that does not dis-empower and de-energize me like this.
I am not a Christian or a member of any organized religion, so, while I am glad that these are a source of comfort and strength for whose who do embrace this faith, it is of little comfort to me. I don’t believe anyone can really “save us”, but ourselves, by coming together and combining our strengths and intentions and power. And I see a lot of that happening here in cyberspace, as we each contribute what we have to contribute.
As I turn my attention away from what I can’t do, to what I can do, I remember what I do believe. I remember how powerful those beliefs are, when I place them in front of me again.
I do believe that there is some kind of awesomely powerful “force of goodness” at play here in the world, and that some of it exists in nearly every human being. There has to be, or else how could there be so much beauty and goodness and compassion in so many peoples hearts? How else can so many suffer so much, and still emerge from it victoriously alive and connected to others in ways that expand all concerned?
I also remember that in my own life, so often what has appeared to be tragic, even disastrous events and losses, has, given time , turned out to be the an essential “firing” of the vessel that is me, making it strong enough to go on and on. I know that at the time of the pain and fear, I could not see this at all. But still, it was present: some design more complex than my mind could comprehend, and it has delivered outcomes better than I could ever have foreseen or dreamed of.
So, I am again reminded that what I can see with my rational mind now, while it may appear to be
a terrible downward spiraling into the potential loss of so many precious freedoms for us all, may indeed be a part of some process I cannot fully fathom. And I am reminded of the power of my own conscious intentions and energies.
Wherever I place my conscious attention, my energy will follow. If I focus on the negative, and allow my baser emotions such as fear and rage to run my show for me, then this is the energy I am contributing to the larger pool of energy in this world. Then, people around me start to move away: my negative energy is pretty powerful stuff!
When I can remember to focus my attention on what I can do, rather than what I can’t, then my energies lighten up, brighten up, and that, then..is the energy I have to contribute to the larger pool of world energies.
So I ask myself, what CAN I do, as a mobility impaired older woman on a very small income? Its true, I can’t get out there enough to actively protest, or carry signs, or run around here and there, and and I can’t contribute any money, but I CAN sit here make phone calls and write to congress people and editors and blogs.
But maybe most important of all, , I can fight off that deadly sense of powerlessness and frustration and anger, by choosing where I focus my mental attention, thus my energies,, and I can choose to do this much more effectively than I have been.
I can also remember that old prayer they drummed into my very DNA in treatment..about “changing what I can, accepting what I cannot change, and finding the damned wisdom to know the difference!”
I can do this! (I just needed to write this diary to remind myself that I can, that’s all.)
May we all find whatever sources of inner strength and comfort we each have in our lives, to carry us forward now.
Just a quick thanks to Booman and Co. for making this forum possible.
Scribe – I just got done reading catnip’s diary asking what booman is all about and here you are demonstrating all of that. This morning I can read her diary, get the update about potential breaking news that Rove was the one who leaked Plame’s identity, watch the women’s Wimbeldon final with friends and come here to feel your encouragement in the struggle. And I’m only getting started. What a place this is!!!
Thanks so much for your words. I know I can relate and am not the only one. At times, I have just had to acknowledge that I would be insane if I wasn’t depressed and angry. But I will NOT ever let anyone make me feel powerless!!!
“But I will NOT ever let anyone make me feel powerless!!!”
There ya go: the only way to fly.
St Paul, Mn?
Me too.
Yep, I’m a St. Paul, MN gal – and I love it. What a gorgeous day we are having today!!
I blame my high blood pressure on the 2000 election. I just couldn’t believe that people bought Nader’s “there’s no difference” BS. I listed all the horrible things that could happen and nobody thought it was possible. THEN they stole it! And THEN the bizarre reaction to 9-11! I felt like I had just discovered I was living among people from another planet. I emailed the embassies of other countries asking them to find a way to stop Bush and took some comfort that the world didn’t hold all of us responsible. But, THEN we gave him the midterms. We were sooo screwed. When Bush was elected a second time I knew the world would not forgive us in my lifetime for the damage that would be done. All I can do now is try to minimize the harm to my family and do what I can for the local candidates. It doesn’t seem like enough, but I have to remember that Nixon didn’t nuke N. Vietnam because of the protests. We have to believe that what we do really does make a difference.
It is enough, KD. We do what we can, and this IS enough. I have to watch my BP too, and yep, it does mean taking news breaks sometimes, and focusing on simple, close to home things where I can make a real difference. Staing sane in an insane world is hard work sometime!
…is reading something like this and knowing that I am not alone. Scribe, your words came out of my mouth just yesterday — I have been working to refocus my energies, my creativity, away from the negative and to the positive — when hope dies, then and only then will we be done.
Thank you for this!
You are so welcome, and thanks for reading. This has been a pretty good day so far!
This place keeps me going too. I share a belief with you in that we must save ourselves. We have had many beautiful souls lay out the rules to us also that will save us and we can only save ourselves by learning how to live by those rules. I don’t believe Jesus is going to save me, I think people totally have that whole concept misconstrued. But Jesus gave me the rules and parables and he told us all that the Kingdom of God Lies within US and the Beatitudes and we are supposed to learn from these and follow these and our souls will not be damaged and they will be saved! If everybody lived this way there would be heaven on earth also. He died and left his body and came back to it to show us all that the body is a vessel only and that a part of ourselves is eternal, so we need not worry about living of this world. He died so that we could all truly LIVE on that higher plain. It’s really hard work though doing all of that! It’s like super hard work! Better to just KILL PEOPLE who have what we want or KILL PEOPLE who disagree with us or KILL PEOPLE that get in our way. Jesus isn’t going to save anybody in my book who didn’t save themselves first. In fact, I’m thinking he’s going to be profoundly pissed off when a whole bunch of Republican assholes get over there and attempt to tell him that they were saved by him and then went out and killed a whole bunch of people….but it was okay because he had already saved them. Well, he’s either going to be totally pissed or laughing hysterically as he explains to them how they got that all screwed up! I did notice though that he didn’t suggest the 10 Commandments. He Commanded them, so I don’t think they are going to be able to get off the hook. I think they’re headed for the hot zone!
I dunno where Bush and co will end up, and don’t care, as long as it somewhere where he and his kind can do no more harm. My fantasy is that if theres such a thing as reincarnation, he would be forced back here as a poverty stricken, uneducated, inner city single mother with four kids under five years of age and no legal rights to reproductive freedom, including contraceptives. I suspect he’d last about a half hour..maybe. No, wait. That wouldn’t be fair to the poor kids.
Well done. Recommended!
I also believe in ‘goodness’ rather than in someone else’s image of a deity.
Scribe, You and I both know that your heart in is the right place. You and I both know that whenever you are in need of anything, I for one, am here. I can only speak for myself, but I really mean that. You are a special person and you have lots to give. YOU can wirte and send emails and you can listen and speak. YOu are a very important and viable part of this movement. There is not much I can give other than my support, and this is what is unique for this site. God bless. I understand your frustration.
Thanks for a deeply thought provoking diary Scribe. I belong to the serenity now club too. I easily absorb negative energy and try to avoid it at all costs but in todays climate it would be impossible unless I stuck my head in the sand. What keeps me going is that I fight for my son’s and grandaughter’s future. I want these kids to know the freedoms we all grew up on(if you are over 50 or so). I will not ever stop writing the letters, emails, phone calls until I am satisfied the people I voted for are taking care of these rights for me.
don’t feel your contributions are minor! Every little bit counts and I’ll embarrassedly admit that though I am able bodied, you probably do more for the good of this society in a day than I do in a month! I’ve not been in a 12 step program, nor am “religious”, but the first time I heard the Serenity Prayer, it resonated. All my best.
Thank you so much for describing where you slide to and how you ground yourself again.
I am struggling to find the balance between being informed and being so overwhelmed that I can barely function.
The fears are huge – what are we doing? Why are we going down this path? How can this be stopped or redirected? I carry this heavy knot of fear inside me. It is exhausting and draining.
Sometimes the fear takes the form of anger, like an internal volcano exploding hot, molten words of hate. This is also exhausting and draining.
So much energy is caught up in fear and anger that I am unable to truly take in the beauty around me. I have no patience. I have no energy to engage in with people, not even sincere smiles to strangers. So in my small way I add to all the negative energy swirling around.
Your diary was a reminder that it is important to feel these things, but also to take the time to do the things that ground me. To empty my mind and to open my heart. To take time each day to contemplate all that I am grateful for.
Your diary reminded me I am not alone, a most comforting thought. Thank you.
have written here today that help keep me on the up side of so many potentially down side things.
Although I could go through your beautifully presented thoughts point by point and mark specifics, suffice it to say that I have studied religions and spiritual concepts all of my life to come to the same understandings that you so eloquently speak of.
We all have our moments of not feeling quite up to it, but it is most certainly that we get what we focus on. Continuing to make that choice for the positive, for the what CAN I do rather than the listing of what we can’t do really does make all the difference. And I as well as all the rest of us need the reminders too.
Thanks for your voice here. It is a joy and an honor to be in your presence.
Always Onward. . .
Namaste`
(and never have I felt it a more appropriate use of that term. . .namaste` indeed)