Welcome to the One False Church. Many if not implicitly all those other churches and religions claim to be the one, the only truth. The Catholics: the One True Church© from way back. The various Evangelical/Fundamentalist Churches, sects and subsects (nothing succeeds like subsects) all claim sole proprietorship of the truth.
So how do you know, how do you really know? You’re not choosing a toothpaste here, this is your soul. So why not choose certainty? You may never know which is the true church, but you can be completely confident that this is the False Church.
Everything about this belief system is guaranteed false. Our version of the Bible (soon to be Revealed right here) is completely bogus. Our cosmological explanation of life, the universe and everything: all false. Our rules and regs, our Dogma and Patrimony Show, all 100% bullshit. All our names for the Almighty—totally wrong, you’ll never get Him/Her/Them/Whatever/ on your cell. Actually, even these statements are utterly without merit.
And I, the self-appointed Pope George-Ringo I, otherwise known as the Perky Pontiff, will guide you through the labyrinthine, yet perfectly simplistic, paths to the Eternal Falsehood, with plenty of pompous yet empty meanderings, bold lies, skillful deceptions, key inaccuracies, plus assorted minor deceits, half-truths, phoniness, misdirection, calumny, meaningless balderdash, random mendacity, and holy nonsense along the way, the False and the Twilight Zone.
Oh, and the maps are worthless as well.
Our theological arguments are known throughout the world for being dependably dependent on outrageously bad logic and complex but (rest assured) circular reasoning, relentless and out of context misquotation, distorted descriptions and insupportable conclusions, and such time-honored rhetorical devices of deceit as ad hominem attacks, poisoning the well, selectively distorted statistics, unsupported assertions masked as facts, deceptive and non-existent sources, serial name-calling, and referencing well known statements that were false in the first place. In other words, truly false—and proud of it.
The One False Church: in good times and bad, it’s comforting to know you’re wrong, every damned time.
Stay tuned for more elaborate fabrications. In the meantime, remember: The One False Church: Falsehoods You Can Count On.
“Everything is folly but folly itself.” Giacomo Leopardi
