I have enjoyed the diaries that have addressed how to make self confident and esteemed political conversation.  I have forgotten how to do that with all of the sensationalism and sound bites that have flooded and invaded the common persons political news and information.  It’s really bizarre but it has affected me and I find myself many times coming from a position of defensiveness bordering on hostility because I have come to believe that I am poorly viewed and even despised by many people in this country.

About thirteen years ago I took a course in NLP that was pretty costly.  I did it for business reasons and I was told that it would improve more relationships in my life than just the business ones, and were they ever right.  Telephones and computers make very poor ways to communicate well with people.  Those of us on here are an even more special section of the population than we may have previously thought because the computer and reading are major ways that our brains can take in and process information.  If you show up on Booman and just read and infrequently post anything it is highly likely that you are a very visual communicator but not a very kinesthetic communicator…..hugs and touching aren’t high priority and may even be uncomfortable in daily situations.  If you read and post a lot chances are that both of those forms of communication are comfy and you also have a bit of what is considered an artistic streak because you are good at visually processing things and also comfortable in doing things with your hands and that makes for good artists.  If you post lots of diaries all the time and you are surrounded by piles of stuff but you know exactly where what you need is in every pile you are most likely a primarily kinesthetic communicator.
I learned that people usually use three basic forms of communication and those are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.  You are born with one primary and that is primarily how you understand and map the world.  We can use all three.  A very odd thing to note is that when we are falling in love we are all very good at using all three in very high modes.  If a person is weak in one of the areas I have also learned that it can be learned and improved on.  I am primarily visual though, born that way and will stay that way.

Figuring out what someones primary communication mode is can help tons in understanding them and having a fulfilling relationship with them and fulfilling discussions with them full of mutual respect and understanding.

Visual people take in everything with their eyes and they talk with their eyes.  These are the people who can give you “the look”.  They tend to be quiet or at least quieter people.  They will wear shoes that are too tight if it matches their outfit.  They will clean the kitchen at 2:00 am because they can’t sleep if it is a mess.  They have all their sweaters in the sweater pile all nicely folded, they fold their towels a certain way and even the sheets.  They are finishers and will only start something if they can finish it, and they run around finishing everything for the kinesthetic people and thinking that they are better than the kinesthetic people.  If a person is really really kinesthetic and doesn’t even know what “the look” is if you bash them over the head with it we also think that that person is stupid and we firmly believe it until we take an NLP class.

To feel comfy when you talk to us we need personal space and if you touch us it turns our brain off so we aren’t being cold when we pull away, it just doesn’t work for us.  Very visual people can’t play basketball because everybody is always touching you and it turns their brain off, they don’t play much football either or wrestling.  My favorite sports are volleyball, skiing, track, soccer,…….no touching!  When we make love we have to close our eyes so that our brains will stop visually processing the world around us and we can feel, so please don’t be insulted.  If I closed my eyes playing “smear the queer” (child abuse telling us that that was what the game was called) I could also feel where everybody had a hold of me and I was really tough to bring down.  Closing eyes though didn’t work in basketball.

I will hear everything you have to say if I’m given some space to view you in.  Please understand that how the world looks is what is important to me.  If it doesn’t look right it is how I know something needs to happen so it will look right.  If you can tell me how something isn’t looking right I can begin to understand where you are coming from.  I can seem distant to some people or even kind of frigid or cold but it isn’t so, I’m only poorly understood by some.  I love gifts no matter how insignificant they may be.  If a child gives me a pretty rock they found I feel cared for, a hand written note is very special.

I sometimes say things that hurt auditory people because auditory people remember everything ever said to them and I don’t remember anything really mean word for word that anybody ever said to me.  All that I saw was that they were angry and their lips were moving while they were letting me know they were angry.  I will write tomorrow what I learned and continue to learn about auditory people since I live with two……..much happier now that I understand them better by the way.  My secondary is kinesthetic as is my son and my husband and my daughter so we do all four have that in common and it is nice to have.

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