Good morning friends & potential sugar daddies. My name is spiderleaf and I have just incorporated my own business to help out the poor, suffering folks at the Pentagon who just can’t seem to find anyone to train carrier pigeons in Iraq. This is an on-going strategic concern for CENTCOM and as such I felt it necessary to step up to the plate and be a true patriot.
{flip with me}
Gentlemen, your problems are solved. Spiderleaf & associates is ready, willing and able to assist with the training and the handling of the state of the art fleet of carrier pigeons the Army is proposing to deploy in Iraq.
We strongly believe in the program and we see the long-term strategic value of utilizing such a noble bird as the carrier pigeon in the fight for freedom & against the barbarians at the gate.
Further to this sincere appreciation for the mission, spiderleaf & associates has the capabilities to execute said program. We will deploy a state of the art fleet, as mentioned above, with the latest training and nutrition programs. We will monitor the pigeons via remote control devices from our offices in Burbank, CA as this estimate does not include security costs for on site personnel due to the nature of the environment. However, we are fully capable of providing initial on-site set up and training manuals for the Army personnel tasked with maintaining the mission.
Our detailed quotation follows below:
Program Research – $475,000
Program Development – $600,000
Product Training – $350,000
Product Deployment – $275,000 (assumes US Navy will transport goods to Iraq & US AirForce will transport from Basra to points within Iraq)
Program Management – $1.2 million (assumes one field personnel on-site with US Army to set-up and provide training to US Army personnel)
Tracking Software & Deployment – $730,000
Maintenance costs on-going – $900,000
Total Program Cost – $4,530,000,000 (Year One)
Please advise when the requistion has arrived in the previously provided bank account.
Best regards,
spiderleaf
cc: Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Dick Cheney