Spurious Dubelyer's Month Off

Well, It appears that Rush Limbaugh and I finally have something in common… We both used to have a pilonidal cyst… but I’m not addicted to drugs as a result! Needless to say, it was “Dood’s Day Off” today, too… I had lots of time to sit very rigidly upright today, so I decided to document Dub’s upcoming vacation and the Bolton shafting in my own surrealistic way… (Go ahead and cue up “OH,Yeah!” by Yello on your IPod now for the full effect…)

“Who is it? Oh, I’m sorry I can’t come to the White House right now. I’m afraid that in my weekend condition, I could take a nasty spill off my mountain bike and subject myself to further Capitol Hill absences. You can reach my parents at The Carlyle Group, LLC. Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate your concern for a higher being. Have a blessed day.”

There’s More…

“I was actually supposed to have a briefing today. That wasn’t bullshit. It was on European Terrorism. I mean, really. What’s the point? I’m not European. I plan to make them American. So, who gives a shit about their terrorists? They could be pacifist Islamists, and it still wouldn’t change the fact that I could start a war.”

“I heard. And gosh, I’m all broken up. Huh? Oh, sure. I’d be happy to shut up about Plame. You produce the job and I’ll forget Plame. I want to see this dead ambassadorship firsthand… (whispers) It’s Spurious Dubelyer. Nervy little punk. I’m gonna set a trap and let him walk right into it! … That’s right. Haul the paperwork right over and I won’t roll Rover, your buddy. It’s my policy… what about my mother?”

“Karl, dear friend… and you thought we wouldn’t have any fun. Shame on you.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen. You’re such a wonderful crowd, and I just want you to believe your Social Security’s safe with me. We’d like to play a little tune for you. It’s one of my personal favorites and I’d like to dedicate it to a young man who thought he was going to jail, and doesn’t think he’s seen anything good today. Karl Rove, this one’s for you…

Danke Karl, Darling, Danke Karl.
Thank you for all the toys and pain.
Picture shows, second balcony, was the place we’d meet,
Share a seat, go Dutch treat, you were sweet.

Danke Karl, Darling, Danke Karl.
Save those lies, Karl, now don’t explain.
I recall, Niger in the fall.
And my false address, what a mess, don’t confess.
It’s my call.

Danke Karl, Darling, Danke Karl.
Thank you for mocks of Mr. Plame.
I can see, McCain carved up for me,
Letters people find, filled with slime, yours and mine, we’ll just whine.

Danke Karl, Darling, Danke Karl.
Thank you for saving me again,
We Tangoed, and old Rather paid,
While the memories fade, for all intents, you are made, Danke Karl….”

“Poochie, poochie, poochie. Look what Uncle John has for you, you little F#%@er! Sleep tight pooch.”

Karl: Ever since I knew him, Spurious couldn’t handle anything. I, I can fix anything. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do next year?
Laura: Politics?
Karl: Yeah, but to screw who?
Laura: Who are you interested in?
Karl: Nobody
Laura: Me neither
Karl : School, parents, future. Spurious can’t do anything.
Laura: What do you think Spurious is gonna do?
Karl: He’s gonna be the first man on Mars (shouts to Spurious) You’re crazy! You know I can do it!

“This may very well be for real. I think Karl may have blown a microchip or two. He’s always been a little keyed up. All I wanted to do was give him a good vacation. We’re gonna be charged in a couple of months and then we’ll have the trials, he’ll appear and I’ll appear. We’ll see each other on bail and on visitation, then he’ll go to one prison and I’ll go to another. Basically that will be it. Laura’s a bigger problem. She still has another fear of prison… How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I would divorce her. I would.”