Baby Tylenol – check
Pepto – check
Baby socks – check
Hi there. Don’t mind me. I’m just making sure that we’ve packed everything for the big trip to China. My husband and I leave in two days to adopt our 14 month old son Andrew. God, he’s cute.
I guess that I can take a break and try to write the diary that I have been trying to write for two months. I keep ripping up everything I have written, but with only two days, I really need to gather my thoughts.
This journey really started 7 years ago when my body started to act up and my cycle became very irregular. Tests showed nothing and my doctor (a terrific doctor) thought it might be stress. I was working on a Masters degree, grading a bazillion papers, and trying to have a social life. Maybe my body just didn’t handle that well.
My husband and I have been married for four years, and he knew about my medical issues. Three years into our marriage, tests results started to be more conclusive. At the tender age of 36, I was in full blown menopause and had probably been in the early stages for about four years. Those had been hot flashes! My doctor told me that in order for me to have a baby, I would have to use a donated egg. I don’t enjoy stirrups and running to the doctor all the time, so we quickly decided on adoption.
I am not a religious person, but I had felt a “calling” to teaching and I figured that my career choice coupled with my inability to get pregnant was a message from someone that I was supposed to take care of children not from my womb.
There is a large community of families with children(mostly girls) from China and we knew many of those families, so our decision to adopt from China was quite simple.
Tons of paperwork, many essay questions and meetings with a social worker led to our approval and ultimate long waiting period. While I was answering those questions, I must admit that I often felt a little resentful. As a teacher, I have met people who should have never been parents(abusive, ignorant, you name it, I have seen it), but they had biology on their side.
Our wait was over at the end of June when we got the call about our son, Andrew Fa Yi. We laughed for days about a receiving a boy. The chances are low and thank goodness we had not painted the room a girly color.
Motherhood has been in the news a lot lately and that has made me feel good. Cindy Sheehan’s courage has given me hope. During this 18 month wait for our son, I have not attended one rally for fear of being arrested and being denied a child. I don’t know if that would have happened, but I took no chances. When I come back, I can’t wait to show my son what a strong mother will do to make the world a better place for her child
I’ve got to finish packing. I might try to connect while I am in China, but I don’t know if that will be possible. I’ll be around for a couple more days. Thanks for listening.
I am so excited for your family Toni! My oldest son was born 13 years ago this week, and it always amzes me that I can now barely imagine life without he and his brother.
So…now for all my new mom questions (apologies if any are too nosy!):
How long will you be in China? Do you get a good maternity leave as a teacher? What color did you paint Andrew’s room? Does Andrew have cousins waiting for him?
And unsolicited advice, too:
At our house, the backpack carrier was the everyody’s favorite piece of baby gear. We went to lots of music festivals and did lots of hiking, and by the time my son was 2, when he got tired and we were out somewhere, he’d be looking for the backpack when he wanted to go to sleep. Two minutes after sliding him, he’d be asleep! You should get one if you haven’t already!
Best wishes to all! (Now, just post that picture for everyone who hasn’t seen that sweet face yet!)
I get 12 weeks maternity leave, but God bless socialism. My husband who teaches in Canada will receive 35 weeks off, which he will start towards the end of my leave. Even better, he will receive unemployment for that period.
We painted the room a light blue, well before we knew he would be a he. There is a cute border around the middle of the wall and the blue is above that. Below the border, the wall is white with primary colored swirls stamped onto it.
No cousins, but lots of friends with kids about his age.
We have a backpack that we were given by a family who adopted from China 3 years ago. Their little girl loved riding up high and seeing everything.
By the way, those brownies turned out great and they came from the March, 2005 issue of Cooking Light.
It sounds like you already have a great support system in place and friends for Andrew. It helps so much to have other friends with kids similar ages!
I’m going to try the brownies this weekend as part of the birthday celebration.
I hope you have a great birthday celebration. Thanks for all the kind words.
Congratulations TT.
So you know, red is a color of great fortune and luck in China. Bring some red for your new son!
Pax
He has some red and I am going to pick up a traditional outfit for him for the next Chinese New Year.
So sorry that you had to wait in fear due to our country and it’s regime – to afraid to protest… I understand. And that is why we need to change things 🙂
I think it’s a line in the Steve Martin movie Parenthood, “you have to have a license to fish, but they let any expletive be a father.” 🙂
We had to undergo fertitily tests and time… and needles and injections… I was even told I couldn’t concieve. I would see all these IDIOTS with kids. I’d see 15 year old girls with babies. I gave up. Quit trying… and that’s when it happened for us.
We knew we could never be okayed to adopt. Living on a military income… Now we have two children. 🙂
I wish you the most happiness and blessings! HOORAAY to ANDREW and you 🙂
Yeah… sucks about the baby leave here in this country, too. Bush vacations while many don’t even get sick leave for themselves because they used it all on taking their kids to the docs… those that are lucky to have insurance, that is.
HoORAY!!!!!!!!!!!
I have taught too many teenage moms.
My hesitation about protesting has creeped into the trip. Apparently, little kids will surround you, looking for a small treat from a foreigner. We were told to go to our MP’s office to get small Candian flag pins. This leaves me feeling a little conflicted. In my heart, I can’t give out another country’s flag, but I would have to be crazy to admit to being an American.
You’re two kids are very lucky as are you.
What great news, Toni.
I recall your introductory post here and the later update when you found out you were picking up a boy. Finally, the day is here – you must be soo exited.
One of my sisters picked up a little girl last January, here’s Sina Xiao just over a week ago:
Update when you’re back, please!
Your niece is adorable. Thanks.
Isn’t she?
The little girl has totally taken over and is lucky to have 8 older cousins (between 2.5 and 15) that love to spoil her:
Here with the youngest asklet.
How old is she and do you know from which province she is? Our little guy is from Jiangsu and we will pick him up in Nanjing.
Two more months, and she’ll be 2 years old. She is from the Hunan province, a bit south-west of were you are going.
You are now embarking on a life changing adventure and journey that will awaken in you such wonder and joy that you will be amazed at its brillance.
I never figured to become a parent, too busy dying to think about living, yet having cleaned up the wreckage of my past, meeting the most wonderful and beautiful human being I could ever imagine in my life. I am now the parent of two beautiful children a boy and girl, named Geronimo (3) and Anais (9 mo’s).
The gifts that these wonderful beings have brought into my life shall forever change who and what I am as a Human being.
I wish you all the greatest joy and happiness that is imaginable, for I have been granted this wonderful gift of sharing a life with my children.
Don’t forget the binky’s, pacifiers for those who don’t know what a binky is. They are especially helpful when flying.
Best wishes in the journey you are about to embark upon, and I look forward to your updates about your new addition.
He is such a beauty and very precious.
I am truly happy for you and my eyes are filled with tears of joy.
Thank you so much Diane
Here is a pic. I drew (colored pencil) in the 70’s when I had my 3rd. child., from a book I had then……I did a whole series, but this is the only one to survive…a gift for you and your son.
That is very sweet Diane. I’ll have to see if I can print it up.
Well, let’s see. . .according to my calculations you’ve been “pregnant” twice the normal time. . .sooooo. . .that means that your baby will receive twice the amount of normal love when he is “born.”
No doubt.
At least the love.
Plus, I’ve been eating for two for a little longer than most.
Where are those pickles?
I’m so happy for you and your husband and your little boy! You have reminded me of how my (then) husband and I were absolutely sure we were having a girl. We even thought we wanted a girl rather than a boy. Then came the news that the baby would be a boy. We laughed, too!! And fell in love in an instant with the idea of having a boy. Why of COURSE we wanted a boy.
Little boys are sooooo sweet!
Ours is 21 now and I still call him sweetheart and he doesn’t mind at all.
Happy journeys, happy lives to you.
Thanks so much kansas. I am sure that our little guy will be a sweetheart, too!
Wow, Toni, great news. I felt a pang or two in hearing about this, and I am very happy for you. There are so many children in the world who suffer from having no parents, or nothing approaching parents. So a big star for your crown, certainly.
Nothing more important that being a good parent, I think, as I tell my students who often want to do something “big” to save kids. Big gestures are great, but its the so-called little things, the human connections of life, that make the big things work. and none better than raising a kid – the ultimate “act locally” part of improving the world, and great fun, too.
And what a privilege we have that you are sharing this with us, thank you! I’ll think about you and your soon when I’m running to H’track to pick up groceries or whatever, especially passing the school.
Best wishes from this teacher who is frankly envious!
We’ll have to meet in H-Town sometime.
Thank you for the kind words and have a good start to the school year.
Pangs…yes, I remember pangs. It seems like having pangs about this and pangs about that just about fills up a new, first time parent’s days(and nights) :O) Our doctor must have gotten pretty tired of hearing our panicked calls to his office every time our first born hiccuped or presented us with some interesting diaper contents that didn’t look quite NATURAL Lol.
Babies.. the greatest gift of all.
Congratulations :O)
Thanks sol.