How are you doing?
“Fine” won’t cut it. None of us are “fine” right now. If you think you are, you’re in denial.
I’m stepping back for a moment to focus on all of you, personally. Yes, I know it seems incredibly self-indulgent to some to focus on yourself rather than the victims of this horrendous tragedy, but when I put on my “mother” hat, I have to remind you all that you’re no good to anyone if you don’t take care of yourselves.
Are you smoking way too much (like me)? Are you drinking too much? Are you eating? Are you overeating? Are you sleeping? Are you hugging your children and your pets? Are you going outside? Are you praying or meditating? Are you finding any comfort? Are you talking about all of this? Are you writing (i just can’t seem to stop)? Are you reading too much or too little? Are you planning in case something like this happens to you? Are you taking deep breaths? Are you looking at your own life and thinking about changes? Are you heartbroken? Are you crying too much or not enough? Are you hitting things? Are you taking out your anger on those you love? Are you completely shut down? Are you feeling anything? Are you feeling too much?
How are you doing?
In the aftermath of 9/11, I felt a deep, deep sadness that lasted for a very long time. My head was cloudy for a month. I was stunned. I had help to get through that because I also have PTSD and needed to learn how to cope.
This is different. I have been extremely anxious – wanting to jump through the TV screen to help snatch people off their rooftops – to feed and give water to those who are starving and dying. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m deeply hurt. I can’t stay away from the coverage. I feel powerless. I fear that things won’t change. I feel like jumping in and overthrowing your government (note to FBI/CIA monitors: I am a peaceful, unarmed person and am not seriously planning such a thing, so go screw yourselves).
I have better coping skills all these years later, but I have to be careful – as do all of you.
Please take care of yourselves and don’t allow yourself to become another victim of this tragedy.
To the lurkers out there: if you want to share what you’re going through, but don’t feel comfortable doing so here, e-mail me or talk to someone. Just do something. We need your strength to get through this too.
Much love to Booman, Susan and all of you for all of the work you’ve been doing to keep us all informed. You have no idea how much it means to me to be back with all of you to deal with this. You know my heart and you speak my words when I’m unable to. Virtual hugs to all of you.
I think I’m ready to cry now.