In the ‘old boo trib days’, Chocolate Ink and I used to do these chain stories, where each member who cares to contribute the next version of the story. I was thinking some of you might like to work on such a story tonight. If you want to, jump right in and add the next part. Chocolate if you are around I am counting on you!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a Cold and Windy Day:
The wind was howling and the temperatures were dropping fast outside of the White House as I, the President’s Valet, prepared the clothes, he would wear for this, the first day of the ‘Inpeachment Hearings’.
Down the hall the President was ‘consulting’ with his close friend and advisor Rove and the conversation seemed to be very animated if not loud, as I could hear the rumblings from the room I was in!
Damn, It was time to tell him the clothes were ready, so I made my way down the thickly carpeted hallway. Growing closer I could begin to make out a few words…………Oh they were agitated all right, now Rove was shouting!
“Those bastards”, the Pres. chimed in with a snarl in his voice, (oh dear Lord save me from his wrath this day, I thought to myself) . Hanging back a little, out of the line of site, I strained my ears to hear….
Ok, it’s your turn!
I could hear GW angrily telling Karl that he damn well expected there to be a global or national emergency that he could declare right away. “I need Executive Privelege and the right to suspend the constitution to absolutely stop this NOW! Do you Here me? Stop this Now.”
I hesitated to knock on the door to let The President know his clothes were ready… If I could have thought of a way to turn around and run in the other direction, I would have done it at that moment.
(Your turn)
“But, but, but,” Rove tried to be heard, “I already told you they have our hands tied, those so called Neo cons over at Capitol Hill, they are scrutinizing every move we make, there’s nothing to be done, you must appear”, oh look there’s Frank, it’s time to get dressed, the wire man is downstairs, I will call him up, we have Hughes on the other end of the wire tonight, just be sure to pause long enough for her to hear the question, then answer, and remember, don’t talk to her, like you did in the debates, you have to be very careful here……
The Pres. looked like he was about to jump out of his chair and ring Rove’s neck with his own hands, but he did an immediate about face, anger drained a little from his face as he waved me in the room..
The moment of warmth lasted only the second or so between the time I entered the room and the blanching realization that the oversized underwear draped over my arm belonged to a certain someone known to Karl only as a fit but expendable factotum.
Quick thinking is my profession, however, and Karl acted as if he were in on the gag as I lowered my voice to elder-brother timbres and suggested, “Today, sir, is a proper day to go commando.”
I rather gingerly stepped into the room with my armful of clothes wholely expecting to be on the receiving end the Presidents wrath also. Nothing unusual about his screaming at the staff and in fact if he didn’t we all made jokes about him being sick(or getting a little the night before).
I was also thinking to myself that if I wasn’t secretly working for the Underground America group my days as a spy here wouldn’t be worth it. But I knew the work I was doing here was invaluable for getting memo’s and conversations recorded to help take down this whole band of criminals.
Surprisingly however Bush barely glanced at me, he was saving his monumental wrath for his advisers who he believed had made him look like a fool..still completely delusional on his part and not taking any responsibility for his screw-ups. He honestly didn’t seem to realize he was a complete moron.
He quickly downed several more shots of jack danial’s-not his first that night to be sure-making it difficult to help him into his clothes as he was already weaving back and forth.
I wondered whether Karl noticed my flash of terror as he whispered to me, while pretending to check his Blackberry, “You and I have some business to transact in the near future.” Then I decided he would expect to see my fear. Everyone is terrified of his whispers, except Sir. I nodded like someone whose job had suddenly become doubly complicated and stressful.
The he dropped the bombshell in an an ordinary voice. “You know those aren’t really Ari’s. I picked them up myself at Woody’s.” Then he looked directly at Sir, to make the point that Sir was beyond following the conversation. “But so far I like your game even better than my own.”
the blackberry for a second in disbelief.
“Nooo,” he breathed.
His lips brushed my forehead in a quick kiss that was almost like a prayer.
“It’s the Cheneytron,” he was already on his way out the door.
“Malfunction,” he hissed. “MAJOR Malfunction.”
“Do what you have to do,” I called out after him.
“And don’t worry, I have enough tape to last well into the reign of George P, if need be,” I added to myself as I closed the door, and walked toward the vault…
From the very first words of my orientation, I had it all on record: “Everything we do here, we do for Dick.”
hey diane..I’m here, sort of..am doing laundry(which means I’m going between the two laundry rooms in this apt. complex) and trying to get something ready for the sept. 24 march…my roundabout way of saying I’ll be back here soon…
Love the begining of this story..
Down the road at Capitol Hill, the corridors and offices were all abuzz, activity was frenzied, preparations were still being made for the full house that was expected for this 7th day of the Impeachment Hearings.
Testimony of the President Day, cameras all adjusted and reading to beam out to the world the ……..
…ready to beam out to the world the history-making moment.
Everyone who was anyone in the media was there. Even Keith Olbermann had left the Inner Sanctum of the MSNBC headquarters in Secaucus NJ and ventured via Amtrak and Metro to the NBC Washington DC affiliate, heavily disguised to protect himself from the swooning hordes of females (and a few males) who had been pursuing him since being named “Sexiest Newscaster” by Playgirl Magazine.
“So, who have we got lined up for tonight, Monica?” he asked his producer, Monica Novotny.
“Well, we’ve got Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi to comment on the President’s testimony — ever since Dick Cheney resigned in the wake of the Halliburton Katrina scandals, talking to Bush has been like talking to…”
[next!]
a hyperactive ambulance driver. He does not understand that he is the emergency himself.”
“Ms. Speaker, Do you believe the explanation for his much remarked ‘turkey’ outburst?”
The screen shifted to a rerun of the President hissing “Get Turki. Get Turki” into his own lap.
“In brighter times, I would have taken the President at his word that he was composing a note about his lunch order. But with the whole Plastic Explosive Turkey fiasco on Thanksgiving, as well as the unfortunate appearances arising from the wire transfers to my predecessor’s bank account from the government of Turkey, I am wondering ….
next
well I am wondering if it’s possible for me to take a bathroom break?
Olberman did a double take as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Was this some kind of idiotic ploy to stall for time or were the loonies really running the asylum.
“Play it again, Monica. Pelosi is trying to signal something. This time I’ve got to give her the question she wants.”
Monica pouted. Didn’t he know how to operate the controls?
They watched it again.
“Look. It’s missing.”
“What?” Said Monica, muttering, “How do you expect me to see something that’s missing?”
“The bulge. The brick. The transceiver thing. He would never never never go without it.”
He stood before Monica, arms oustretched. His phony beard made him look like an Italian-designer Jesus being fitted for a crucifixion. “Monica, suppose you needed to ….
next
I am waiting for installment II. Interesting to say the least….is there more to come?
Brenda, the story is not over, add the next part, I just started this late last night, so please….add another comment continuing the story.
I screwed up Cali Scribe’s continuity — she was still in the scene with Olbermann and Monica, and I think I heard the thermostat click. Will fix now.
As the sky was gray outside, George lay his trinkets that he had in his pocket next to the memo on the desk. It was from Rummy. “God what is it he wants from me now!” George thought to himself.
The time was late as the President had just gone over his testimony with his personal lawyer over dinner and after dinner drinks. The internal phone at the White House rang and he leaned over to answer it,….
George?…the voice said…..Yes he said…When will you be domiing to bed. It Laura in the family quarters. “Honey” he said, “I have a few thins to tie up and then I will be up to see you then.”
As in a stuper he began to read the memo from Rummy.
George, the war is not going well, it said. Pans for revisions of the stratigy for the north and west have to be revised. I will get back to you when I can. I talked to Rove and he was not one bit of help and I am getting very uptight to his demeaner these days. What is his problem??!! It then went blank and rummy just signed off R……..
Geroge went to the family quarters and ………..
{{{someone elses turn here}}}}}}
Geroge went to the family quarters and…
headed for the private kitchen, he needed something, something to dull the exploding feeling he just couldn’t shake, oh damn, there was no booze in this kitchen, he remembered, as he was standing there with his hands gripping his head, L turned the corner and came into his view.
“Bushie, what’s wrong,” she wimpered as she crossed the room,amd put her arms out to hold him…..”Oh, hell, my head is exploding, I can’t get a grip on anything, they are out to get me Laura, what am I going to do” he cried?
“Honey”, she said in a tone that was so low it couldn’t be heard 2 feet away, “maybe it’s time to think about resigning, we can go back to Crawford and……..
“…and what, Laura dear, go back to that hellhole. You know damn well the ‘ranch’ was just a giant photo-op..he sneered while flinging open cupboards. Ok Miss Pill-popper where’d you hide the booze this time? If you can have your little happy pills I can have my booze, he raged. With that Laura started screaming back that if it wasn’t for his daddy paying her a million bucks a year she’d have been long gone and since there was a war on she’s was going to up that to a cool 2 million a year for combat pay. Yes sir Bushie, having to play the good little christian stepford wife to your phony stalwart tough guy is really wearing thin. Just remember what happened to my old boyfriend and what happened to you when I gave you those pretzels with few added ingredients..you know what happened to you that day, she crowed.
At this latest little scheme of hers and with his hands and body trembling from withdrawal he lurched at her only to be stopped by his valet…who had silently slipped into the room and just as silently slipped the recorder into his pocket.
Oh, er, a Vinnie, how ya doin man, thought you were eh waiting for me in the dressing room, er….”he managed to stammer out as I made a quick exit out of the room, throwing back to him, “I shall await you there, sir.”
Meanwhile, some noises were now coming from the elevator, and L. and he both turned to see who was coming now, uh oh it was Haster and Delay and they were shouting I don’t care, we want to see him now.
G and L stepped out of the room, L heading for the bedroom, G holding his hand out to Hastert,..while Hastert simply put his hand in his pocket and started to talk.
“We are prepared to offer you a deal (our final offer), If you resign now, I will be the next Pres. now that C has passed on, and I will grant you a full pardon in a year or two after this whole mess has died down. ” “If you refuse, we are primed and ready to mount an all out attack on you, everyone in the party is ready to sign on and I mean everyone, you are sinking like the Titanic and we do not want to go down with you!! You know what the alternative is, don’t you????”
‘Vinnie, Vinnie?’, I heard a husky croak whisper, as i propped him up while he wove, eyeballs rolling.
‘Vinnie, I done wrong!’
‘What, Mr. President?’
‘ I should have left Saddam in place. Hell, why did I believe them when they said it’d be a cakewalk? My gut’s never been right before, why did I think it was right this time?’
I bit my tongue to stop myself saying: ‘You always do, poor fool!’
‘I did it for Jesus’, he wailed into his fresh, scented linen, as my brain started to kick into survival mode, and I reached for my crucifix, the other hand speed-dialling the nurse…
“If you had listened to me, no wait, if your MOM had listened to me she would have just said no, at least until reliable contraception was available.”