“Are you sure we should do this, Turd Blossum?”
“Don’t worry sir, you’re gonna be awesome!”
“Hey, why don’t you damn creeps,
Just go talk to your Freeps…”
“Dood… you go to Gitmo or play possum…”
“Um… Karl… I don’t know nothin’ `bout rhymin’…”
“Read the cards, sir… it’s all in the timing.”
“You know, I’ve sure been depressed,
By this domestic unrest,”
“You’ll feel good after liberal sliming…”
(much more!)
“That Brownie’s doin’ a really fine job,
I thought that Blanco and Nagin were slobs…”
“But sir, this looks sort of lame,
After we’ ve called it “blame game”…
“Shut yer pie hole, or go sit on a corn cob!”
“Our guys and gals can’t be charged with `war crimes’,
Alberto’s slicker’n goose shit sometimes!
Now that Miss England’s been tried,
And been convicted stateside,
We’ll round up them dead-enders and fry-em!”
“I’m `posed to rhyme on a big fuckin’ squid?!
Hot damn, there Karl, but you sure like to kid…”
“But it shows you like science;
Smarter than an appliance…”
“Pops ate some once, and then barfed off his lid…”
“I like this story about drugs and God…
This woman gave her meth to this nimrod…
She kept him talkin’ all night,
Showed she and God were real tight,
Why she stopped drugs, though… I thought that was odd…”
“This one here should be a lesson for y’all,
Them tales that they’ve been tellin’ are all tall,
Just don’t believe all you hear,
`Bout all this raping and fear,
`Cause the official hearsay is Karl’s call…”
“Just who invited the damn CPAs?!?
This was `posed to be a no-bid buffet…
This damned Katrina defeat,
Turned into all you can eat,
With place cards worth over two hundred K…”
“Holy shit, sir… Tom DeLay has been charged!”
“Well, Karl, sometimes his cash payment’s too large…”
“No you boob; we’re in a fix,
`Cause Ronnie Earle’s not been nixed!”
“In that case, I think we’ve been overcharged…”
“Your country would like to thank you there, Dood,
Your column has helped change folks’ attitude,
You know this rhyming’s hard work;
You can’t rely on your smirk.
We’re outta’ here. Watch yourself, or you’re screwed
