I know the NYTs has gone to subscription service for their columnists. So after reading Maureen Dowd today, I just had to give you guys some clips. (I should be working, but what the heck). It is hilarious.
She writes a column about Harriet Miers “love letters” to President Bush. Starts off quoting the real birthday card she sent the President back when she was the head Lottery ball-drawing official. “Best Governor Ever.”
And then she launches into a series of imagined missives (that Dowd sourced to leakers Scooter and Karl) from Harry to Bushie. I post some of them after the flip:
August 2001
“Thank you so much for letting me bundle up and drag away the brush that you cut down today. And if I might add, Sir, I’ve never seen a man wield the nippers so judiciously. It was awesome! You are the best brush cutter ever!!”
September 2001
“I found out today that you handed down a decision for the White House to offer three different kinds of jelly with its PB&J sandwiches. Sweet!! As you know, I’m the only member of the staff who eats three meals a day in the mess. Now I get to have a different type of jelly at every meal! The mess is blessed to have a president who cares so much.”
— snip —
April 2002
“I was worried that it could go unstated in the rush of business around here, but I just wanted to pause and say how amazing it is that, after doing so much for the American people already, you keep showing up for work most days. We have come, buy you choose to. You’re the hardest-working president ever!!”
October 2002
“I’m not sure Condi has made the time to thank you herself, so I just wanted to say how much we appreciated the tickets to ‘Madame Butterly’ on Saturday night. I wore my long black robe — I mean, opera cape. I just wish it had that song from “The Sound of Music” — “I know you love it, too — ‘Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels….’ You’re one of my favorite things, sir!”
January 2003
“Just a quick note to say how cool it is that you picked Brownie to head FEMA. There’s nothing like having someone you know and trust in a top job. Your gut is the best judge ever!!”
April 2004
“There is no other president who would have had the courage to allow torture, dude! (It’s only too bad that Abu Ghraib rules out Alberto’s chances of getting on the Supreme Court.) You are the best torturer ever!! xo, H.”
— snip —
August 2005
I’ve half a mind to come down there [to Carwford whilst President is taking long vacation Harriet recommended] myself and chase that witch, Cindy Sheehan, off your property with an injunction!! Yours, with you in Christ, Harriet.”
September 2005
“In all this fuss about that bad-girl buttinsky Katrina, no one else seems to have noticed — not even Karen — that you’ve achieved your bold vision of losing that seven pounds. That extra week of mountain biking was so much more important than people realize. You’re the most chiseled commander in chief ever, and the most rad guitar player ever!!”
October 2005
“How can I thank you, Sir? I never expected the Supreme Court. Phat! I hope Clarence doesn’t make me watch “Debbie Does Dallas’ again. That movie is so anti-Texas! I miss you already!!
“But now I will be able to serve your interests — and those of your family — forever and ever. If there’s another recount you need help with, count on me. They say I don’t have experience, but I’ve had the experience of polishing the boots of the wisest ruler since Solomon. I may not know stare decisis, but I know when to be starry-eyed. I await your instructions, Master.”
Is it just me, or has the level of open derision gone through the roof?
Oh, that is spectacular. Her notes are so fawning and adolescent you just wonder why she decided to become a lawyer instead of a cheerleader. I guess in a way she really is a cheerleader.
It makes me want to go back and read all the comments in 1978 high school yearbook. 2 cool 2B 4gotten.
LuvYa 4Ever. Hah!
TLA and don’t you dare ever change!
It just dawned on me, that you have hit on the key that will blow the confirmation hearings wide open.
“Don’t you dare ever change!”
We have to check Harriet’s yearbook. Bush must have wrote that too her long ago, and now believes it. You saw his speech defending her: “She’ll never change.” That’s why he thinks so. He ordered it. A zillion years ago. In the yearbook. Holy shit. Nice work 2nd Nature.
Surprised that Harriet Honey didn’t close with SWAK.
Or, did she?
BJ, you are like the best diarist ever! 😉
I could so totally be Bushie, because for a minute, I was basking in the glow of actually being the best diarist ever, until I realized that Maureen Dowd wrote this.
🙂
Thanks Boran. Heh! You’ve got a place in the next BostonJoe administration. Don’t ever change.
My black robe is ready!
Wish I could give you a FIVE for that 🙂
damn you beat me to a remark 🙂
BostonJoe – that was the best …. well what Boran2 said. 🙂
the comic character “Honey” in Doonesbury.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
We’ve got a winner!
Tehanu has come up with the official BMT nickname for Miers!
Great job! Don’t ever change!
U Da Man!
Unless U Da Woman, of course.
Can a woman be Da Man?
Of course, the only answer is:
On this site she can be whatever the hell she wants.
Everything above, plus – you’re the best darn sharer in the whole blogosphere. Really, thanks dude – darn, I miss my Paul Krugman and Frank Rich.
Hey man – I’ll see you at all the yucka parties out on 6 pack road!! 2 high 2 write
Okay, heh. That’s Anomalous for Secretary of Propaganda. Heh. Okay.
Hey Joe, thanks for sharing..and does anyone else think that Dowd must be channeling ‘Betty Bowers’ by the way with this article?
As for derision, couldn’t happen to a ‘nicer’ fella than bushie right..and we can add Dana Milbanks article in Wash.Post which he dissects all of bushs body language..pretty scathing also.
Olberman’s number one story last night also was Miers little love note and a few other goodies thrown in. Bushie had sent her some little note back, where he ended with no more ‘public scatology’….however that word means ‘the study of feces or fossil excretment’sooooooo what was bush really saying do ya think? Love Olberman..
On Olberman, then Harry Shearer??? says he thought is meant eschatology. Which it could have. Dictionary.com says eschatology means 1) The branch of theology that is concerned with the end of the world or of humankind or 2) A belief or a doctrine concerning the ultimate or final things, such as death, the destiny of humanity, the Second Coming, or the Last Judgment. Then Shearer??? the Judge voice on the Sipmsons did the cartoon Judge hating on Harriet. Man are they ever hated.
Especially of other women.
Perhaps Harriet Miers deserves this, but MoDo is an equal opportunity petty trasher of her own gender. Remember her take on Judy Dean?
Thus it’s a little hard to take MoDo on Miers very seriously.
Honestly, that was in my pre-Maureen Dowd reading days. what did she say bout Mrs. Dr. Dean?
She attacked Judy Dean for:
But my summary cannot capture the awfulness of the original op-ed…and TimesSelect prevents me from getting to that.
Time spent reading MoDo can better be spent mowing the lawn, taking a crap, or blowing your nose. All will prove more productive. And none are notably less likely to teach you something new and interesting about our political life.