Ah, the good ol’ days of “pet issues” and ideological purity… sweet sweet nothings in my ears…
Let’s see… Kostradamos* has spoken and we must all abandon our ships of principles and just follow the omnipotent ones down the path to glory and salvation that brings us a Dem majority for as far as a bi-focaled 80 year old who’s had 5 too many can see…
Now that I’ve been released of my burdens it got me thinking about “pet” or “single” issues or “ideological purity” and history.
What are some of the favorite pet issues of the past?
Well, let’s see… we’ve got:
1. No taxation without representation… now that was surely a pet issue as it was only the wealthy land owners who really gave a shit about what King George was up to… the slaves and Native American’s were just trying not to die. Too bad Jefferson & crew didn’t read the blogs…
Which brings us to…
2. Anti-slavery… see above but in the reverse…
Okay, moving on…
3. Civil Rights, equal rights & equal justice… now granted these issues only affect the entire human race since it’s all about EVERYBODY being equal which is surely the definition of the pet issue, but I did consider leaving this out since I’m sure MLK, Ghandi, Suffragettes, Che, etc. etc. would disagree… but what can ya do, the blogs have spoken.
What else, what else…
4. The destruction of the planet on which we live… aha, now we get to the good ones… this is almost the penultimate pet issue… the environment and conservation so we can actually all survive the 21st century… shh, don’t talk about it, we might upset the oil executives…
Nope, got a better one…
5. Anti-torture… surely this is the very definition of a pet issue by any standard… I mean, I’m not being tortured, it’s just a few people right… and they don’t even live here or anything & I’m sure there are some people who the dems would like to reach who are pro-torture so we can’t be taking a stand on such a trivial pet issue now can we…
Whew, this is getting long, I had no idea there were so many…
6. Anti-poverty… now this is a tough one too, but you know the drill, there must be some rich corporate voters out there that we can’t offend with our pet issues…
Okay, I swear I’ll stop soon but I have one more…
7. Separation of church and state… only those ACLU types care about this one anyway right… (quiet down President Jefferson you’re in the minority and need to worry about winning elections, not principles… haven’t you been reading the blogs like I told you to??)
Well I sure am glad we got all those pet issues out of the way and can get down to the serious business of electing people who don’t stand for anything… or for what the opposition is supposed to…
Wait, I forgot the most important pet/ single issue! How could I be so silly… it changes my whole argument in light of the above…
8. Abandoning your principles to (probably not) win an election
[*props to Egarwaen for the replacement of the N with the K… classic]
