This is really starting to hurt my soul lately.
I don’t have a magnet or sticker on my car. I’ve been called names that would make you sick. I live in the Redneck part of a Blue State between “Bumfuck” and “You’ve Got a Purdy Mawf”, California.
I’ve had some rather hairy scary encounters with some of these people who are going totally postal. Here’s a snippet of another type of postal encounters.
Each morning I pin up another Whispering Campaign notice and as well as another “Bring Them Home Now” postcard on the USPS bulletin board that I received from Veterans For Peace at the UFPJ concert.
The gentlemen there treated me like I was a queen and gave me a stack of cards 2 or 3 inches thick that I carried all the way home to California. (Me meeting a new life-long friend, Jim Staro of VFP)
After some rather harrowing experiences with the Deliverance people around my county lately, most of which have never served a day in their life let alone served a hungry person a bowl of soup… I wasn’t sure how a reunion would be with a certain young man I had watched grow up.
My young friend has been in Iraq since he turned 18. He spent 3 tours there. I was sure he had heard I had marched. I was sure he was told what a horrible person I am for not supporting Bush. I wasn’t too sure if he would still like me. I wasn’t sure of what I would or could say to him if we ever met.
As fate would have it… this is how we reunited.
Turns out I didn’t have to say anything to him he had come up behind me as I was pinning yet another “Bring Them Home Now card on the board. Our eyes met. He just came up to me and hugged me. Then he cried. He came home after risking his life to find most of his friends and family hadn’t even bothered to VOTE. He cried and said over and over again, “they don’t care”.
I’ve had people scream at me, call me names, try to rip flags from me… holding a Marine in my arms as we reassured each other and reunited… was almost like being in DC again. It was a “Welcome Home” for both of us to each other.
“If you don’t support the War President you don’t support the troops.” What a complete crock of a mind fuck that is on American Citizens.
I dare anyone to say that the young man above doesn’t support the troops. He was at the DC March. Along with hundreds of thousands of others who were there because they do support the troops. I dare anyone to say that Veterans For Peace, Iraq Veterans Against the War, Military Families Speak Out, CodePink etc etc – do not support the troops. If one believes that then they are a blind fool.
Supporting the troops has NOTHING to do with one’s dissent of this piece of shit President or fucked up Administration. In fact, if one actually did support the troops they’d be demanding answers from this government.
It’s not just politics. It’s also about HUMANITY.
I was asked at Camp Casey DC if I had lost anyone probably because I couldn’t quit the flow of tears as I walked along the white crosses. I started to say no. Another man corrected me and said that we ALL lost them. That all those Soldiers and Marines are OURS. THEY ALL ARE OURS.
Time Warp…. to another morning…
I got my friend in touch with Iraq Veterans Against the War just now…. I hope he can find some peace and support there…
Drove over to the Post Office and found that my young friend was waiting for me there. He didn’t have my phone number and figured that I’d show up at some point. This struck me hard — he was just waiting.
He had some pictures he asked if he could show me. Some were of where some of his pals had spent their last minutes. He said that at the time he thought their loved ones might want to know where they had died and so went back and took photographs of the areas…. but that he can’t ever give them up or doubts anyone will want to see them.
He said that in the short time he’s been home he’s never felt “so far away”. No one wants to talk to him about anything. Just me and his Dad but says he’s worried about freaking out his Dad all the time. Gave him my number and said he could call anytime.
I mainly just listened. There were times when I was even able to make him smile a bit. I hope I did alright.
I see a kid of barely 21 and he now looks like an old man when he tries to smile.
What a wonderful yet heartbreafing story Janet. Is there anything we can do to help this young man? Did you invite him to post here. He may get more support from us than he would from the VA. Let me know if I can reach out to your friend in some way so he knows he is supported.It was reported today that 1 in 4 soldiers returning are in need of professional help. Can you encourage him to do that?
He didn’t want me to use his name anywhere. I gave him the contact info to IVAW and of course there was the info on the Bring Them Home Now card.
He did say he was going to call. Right now he just seems to want a friendly face to talk to. He’s been told over and over not to talk about anything “upsetting”. He said that after the first night out with friends, he was told, you’re home now and that’s all that matters. That war ‘STUFF’ is all in the past now.
One chick even told him, “Get over it. Can’t you talk about anything nice?” That he went from some kind of a hero for not getting his head blown of to – the major downer dude who ruins get togethers.
Before he came home, he spent weeks being briefed and undergoing psychiatric consultation. He said it was all bullshit. He said it wasn’t about what he was feeling but was all about what he shouldn’t be feeling.
I told him about the young guys in IVAW and VFP nowadays and he was VERY interested. He didn’t want to go to some “AA type of meeting for guys from Viet Nam”… he’s not really sure of much of anything right now you know.
I’m encouraging him as much as I can without scaring the kid. He’s being treated as you would expect from the yellow magnet crowd. … Those were the first he reached out to.
Now he’s skittish about reaching out.
God, these poor guys. His story is so similar to Scott’s, the guy I met in Crawford and wrote about when I got back. IVAW helped Scott to get connected to other vets. Hope they can do the same for your friend. He was put into your life for a reason and I for one am so glad he has someone like you to talk to. Please keep us posted.
Damn Alohaleezy, I was thinking of the same kid when I drove home that first time meeting him. Thought of you and Scott and just WTF was I gonna do next…
I remembered how they had Scott sleep with them as a group because they were brothers… He needs that.
and seconded, 100%.
I do have one of the “Support Our Troops” ribbons on my car– and I great big “I Vote” sticker right next to it, because I can’t think of any better way to show your support than to vote for people who will recognize the value in each of these brave souls.
(of course it’s right next to my “This Teacher Gives “W” and “F” sticker, but that’s a bit off topic right now!)
I’m enraged that the pResident says he’s “sleeping well at night” when so many lives are out there in danger– how dare he.
Thank you for reaching out to this one soldier, and for all you’re trying to do for so many others. Many small drops will fill even a big bucket.
I know not all bumperstickers are stuck on by Bush Supporters 🙂
It’s just that up here, those magnets are mostly on cars of “W” supporters. It’s a band aid so they don’t have to act or think.
You need to get yourself one of those “I Support The Chinese Guy Who Makes These Stupid Magnets” stickers. 🙂
DJ – your friend is near me also….send him down my way if he needs some more support. Give him all my emails and telephone #s. Different war years, different vets, same heartache…
Let him know we care….
I will do that.
He’s very… nervous about reaching now as you can imagine. He made the comment about “AA type of meetings for old viet nam guys”. He’s not mean he’s just… hurting and I think he’s feeling shame for it.
I even asked if he wanted to talk to Wayne and he wasn’t up to that. But, again, he was very interested in the Iraq Veterans group.
I couldn’t agree more, DJ. I’m just nauseated by the number of yellow ribbons and W stickers on the same car. It completely encapsulates the empty sloganeering that this administration engages into perfection.
I have a red, white and blue ribbon that says “just pretend it’s all okay.”
BTW…your whispering campaign link is bad.
none of your links are working for me. Maybe it’s an AOL thing. Yes, I’m a dork who still uses AOL.
I knew I should have stuck to no links. I’ll try to see what I did wrong
I’m getting one of Omir’s stickers – “I Support The Chinese Guy Who Makes These Stupid Magnets” 🙂
That’s a good one. I saw one on a website that was gigantic…like 12 inches high and it said “my ribbon is bigger than your ribbon.”
I had ribbon envy.
BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!! You, my Friend, is what makes it all worth it, and I congratulate you on reaching out to be a friend that we all need, as well as this young man.
I just want to say THANK YOU! Hugs….
I was worried about writing this as then it would be in a “story”… and that means an “ending” or “updates” and that just scars me. I start to future trip or worry.
When it comes to this I’m just going to continue to be there for him. I worry… but I have to shake it off and be able to sit next to him and be open.
Totally goes against the “Mommy Bear” inside of me that just wants to bring him home and say, okay, I’m putting your entire body into an envelope and mailing you to Cindy Sheehan.
Janet, never be afraid to show compassion. Never be afraid to be a friend. Never be afraid to stand tall and for what you believe in. I will stand beside of you any old day, for that matter!
I said in a comment the other day, that I can see the tide turning for many of our armed forces frends there and here, to the tune of regret and that they now must take a stand against this government of which we have now. I just hope they continue on the right road to recovery and doing the right thing when they return.
On behalf of the society of reality, I sincerely mean what I say. Thank YOu so very much.
Keep writing! I so enjoy you and others here. I would be very saddened to know that you hold back any of your honest and sincere feelings. HUGS
Janet, you have my love and support, for whatever that’s worth.
As for those who equate dissent with treason, screw ’em. Never forget the words of Theodore Roosevelt:
In fact, if I can toot my own horn, go back to my diary On Dissent Note that it draws its quotes from all over the map, left, right and center. It is only recently that some have begun to equate dissent with treason — primarily at the behest of those who want to stifle dissent, to use fear to maintain power, and to keep themselves and their friends at the top of the heap. Like I said, screw ’em. They have no power over you unless you give it to them.
Thank you. I have been giving some of them free rent space in my head.
Some of them aren’t local rednecks… some once were friends. Those are the ones that, well they don’t cause doubt but they sure do sting.
I try to tell myself that I didn’t lose any friends, that I gained some fabulous friends that will be with me and help me grow.
🙂 Friends will bail you out of jail. But I’ve got friends now that will giggle with me on the bench in the cell and say, “holy sheeet we got arrested, Janet!”
I missed that diary so am glad you linked to it and it was well worth reading….I’ve been collecting quotes also and they just seemed so timely-yet timeless.
Here are several of my favorites: “The sharpest criticism often goes hand in hand with the deepest idealism and love of country.”..Bobby Kennedy.
“The notion that a radical hates his country is naive and idiotic. He is more likely, one who likes his country more than the rest of us and is the most disturbed then the rest of us when he sees it debauched. he is not a bad citizen turning to crime, but a good citizen driven to despair.”…H.L.Mencken.
Thank you for this story Janet. Especially:
“Another man corrected me and said that we ALL lost them. That all those Soldiers and Marines are OURS. THEY ALL ARE OURS.”
This is how I feel when I read the paper and see that most of the casualties are even younger than I am. I feel like I’m losing friends I haven’t met yet, leaders of my generation and the further this debacle goes the bigger the void will be for years to come. But I’m a leftist so obviuosly I’m incapable of feeling grief at their deaths just satisfaction that our president’s war is failing. The repubs are the only ones who can truly feel grief at our nation’s loss. They’re the only ones who know about sacrifice and service, I can tell by all the magnets on their SUVs.
A man from VFP in the tent of Camp Casey told me that the Republicans have tried to hijack our grief.
That they intend to show us as not supporting the troops because we are against the administration and this illegal occupation.
He said that they tried to take something from me. My right to mourn.
To them I’m the worst kind of Liberal. A liberal who is a former military wife and former military Navy Brat. They hate me cause I exist. 🙂
They don’t you because you exist. They hate you because you refuse to sit by silently while this all goes on.
That is a great line — and it describes perfectly life in America since 9/11.
I’ve had a lot of deaths in my life, so I know a little something about grief. I know that it takes as long as it takes…but sooner or later, you have to move on. When Bush took that bullhorn to Ground Zero, when the playing of “God Bless America” replaced “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” during the 7th inning stretch (wonder how all those Japanese and Latin America players feel?), when “9/11 changed everything” became the mantra of this Administration, our grief was hijacked; America became permanently stuck in the “Anger” mode of grief, with some of us lost in “Depression” over the actions of this misAdministration but none of us able to move on into “Acceptance”.
I have a guilty pleasure: it’s a TV show called “Starting Over”, where women live together in a house and work on issues that have stalled their personal growth. Currently, one of the women in the house lost her mother on 9/11 — she was on one of the planes that hit the WTC. Because of the public nature of her mother’s death, she’s never felt allowed to grieve, out of fear that she wouldn’t do it in a socially acceptable manner. We’re all still grieving — and some of us may be grieving in a “socially unacceptable” way, but we have to keep on because that’s the only way we can move forward with our lives, and not be stuck in Anger for all eternity.
Yeah, I’m rambling…so what else is new?
That is the root that the Republicans seem to be targeting Cindy Sheehan with… she’s not grieving correctly or some other crap. How lame is that?
I no longer sing to our national antem while attending a hockey game. I don’t think I will put my hand over my heart for it next time either.
taking the spouse to the Calgary game on the 29th; I think I’ll print out the words to “O Canada” and sing that instead…
I’ve been trying to post a comment and I had to keep deleting-nothing I seemed to write did justice to what you’ve written. I still can’t get out what I want to say so I guess I’ll just say this-thanks to you this young man you know has someone he can talk to and I can think of no one better. The only thing I could possibly contribute is to say that if he ever happens to be coming this way for whatever reason, he can stop at my place and just ‘be’ for awhile.(seriously as you have my address).
I haven’t known really what to say about this myself. Bits and pieces of it kept popping out here and there.
of the kids — the little ones who are now going to grow up without one of their parents, not really understanding why Daddy (or Mommy) had to go away and leave them alone. I only had 11 years with my father before he died of a heart attack; so many of those little faces didn’t even get that much.
I look at those pictures…and hear Bush prattle on about “family values”, and Santorum and his ilk babble about children needing two parents, and I think of how many more single parent families they’ve created with their lies…and I weep…
Bush says he sleeps well at night.
Here’s a little side by side… I’ve written of it elsewhere, but it reminds me of “family values”. I was in the Chinese Restaurant holding the hands of the owner whose son is in Iraq. The meathead who had tried to verbally engage till I shut him up – then sat there and muttered to his family, wife – and 3 YOUNG kids what a – and I quote – “fucking Liberal Nazi” I was and that “Just imagine what those fucking Liberal Nazis are teaching their children”.
Doh!
Teaching them all that dangerous liberal crap like taking care of your neighbor, working for equality and justice, and waging war only as a last resort.
Mostly they teach me. I’m “blessed” in that I have two very unique children.
I’m evil Mommy who doesn’t know better and ususally says and does things she shouldn’t in front of the kids… I’m no Florence Henderson.
Along the way, my son learned how to flip off Bush/Cheney campaign signs… What kind of a mother am I???
However I do make incredible pizza my son says and I can be a pretty fun mom (I’m killer compeititon when it comes to playing “Hot Lava Monster” in the living room on sick days – so I guess that balances it all out. 🙂
I hear you. My kids always joke that I’m the only mother they know who can use “fuck” as a noun, verb and adjective….all in the same sentence.
I will never live down the time we were driving to Christmas Eve services at the church when someone cut me off and I said “Merry fucking Christmas!”
It has become a tradition in our house to start the day with that greeting.
Ha! You two are great.
My son has learned through trial and error that he won’t be scolded for using profanity as long as it is confined to statements like:
“Well, Bush is just fucking wrong.”
“He voted for giving himself more money but wouldn’t vote for paying poor people more? [I was explaining the minimum wage legislation to him.] Wayne Allard is an asshole, then.”
He’s a wonderful kid.
I forgot the best part of my Christmas story. The guy who cut me off was wearing a Santa suit!
Who’s Wayne Allard?
That’s an even better story!
Wayne Allard is Colorado’s evil Senator. He was glad to endorse a $28,500 pay raise for himself and his fellow Senators earlier this year, but voted down both the Republican- and Democrat-sponsored amendments to raise the minimum wage this week.
The Democratic amendment would only have adjusted the minimum wage to keep up with inflation for the next five years, and the Republican amendment would have done less than that. But Allard was one of only 12 Senators who voted no on both.
Republicans continue their age-old struggle: find a better justification for selfishness.
Jeez…I’m so ashamed that I didn’t know that. I must go soak my head and study up on my Civics.
Wayne Allard was an obscure reference, and I’m the first to say that’s a good thing. But the minimum wage amendments also received little public attention, and that’s wrong. Maybe I’ll actually write a diary for a change…
Oh my 🙂 Ubikkibu, you would about die if you knew my real last name. My husband’s name is Wayne. 🙂
Yeah, I cuss… but my correct me most times.
My son when he was first using words, he’s autistic and didn’t start using sentences till around 7, /… I was called into the school one day because something awful had happened… I rush to the school wondering if my son had done harm to a teacher or something. Turns out he said “G-d Damnit” to a teacher when she tried to make him focus or tak a pen away…
I was pleased that he used proper intonation and everything 🙂
Turns out – the teacher was a complete bitch, damnit. 🙂
Great diary! Speaking as the wife of a troop who was in Iraq, this debate never gets old for me. I hate the phrase “Support the troops.” I hate it because it has nothing to do with supporting the actual troops. In fact, the repetition of this only serves to exploit them. The people who wing this ideology around have no interest in the flesh and blood human beings who put their lives on the line. They’re only interested in supporting an abstract idea of patriotism. It’s about a fear of any threat to the group-think that maintains our tribal superiority in their magical thinking. It’s the stuff of thoroughly unexamined lives.
The same thing happened to Vietnam vets when they returned with their visible and invisible injuries. People wanted to mythologize them, but not deal with their very human wounds. Your friend is lucky to have you — someone who sees him as a human being, not an idea. Someone who really wants to hear his story.
I had a “friend” give me basically a “see ya” email because he has loved ones in Iraq and Jordan and doesn’t want to to come in contact with people like me. Because he doesn’t want them to see the same hatred those from Viet Nam encountered.
To him, I’m the bad guy. I do not support the troops.
My own nephew is leaving for Iraq. I didnt’ bother to tell him that.
Your “friend” probably doesn’t want to talk to you because your truth-telling causes too much cognitive dissonance. You might shatter the comfortable illusion that his loved ones are facing death and injury for the good of the nation. No one wants to believe that someone they love could die for no good reason.
MAN, – if I could give you “10” for that statement you just made I certainly would.
I can understand that. I can even see him having to visualize horns growing out of my ass and make me the bad guy….
Just that… having been a brat, I can’t stomach the idea that some of these kids are being told that we are against their parents… It sucks.
But… I think that Iraq is building something. It isn’t democracy… Iraq is creating anti-war veterans.
Beyond anti-war veterans, I hope to see some shift in military culture. Most veterans are anti-war, in that they know firsthand that war is horror to be avoided, and only to be undertaken reluctantly. The military is made up largely from the “red state” populace. It is more conservative now than at any time in history. If this unfolds the way I think it will, there will be an inevitable sea change. It is happening now, here and there. But, if this whole ugly scandal erupts the way I think it will, no one but the most blindly, jingoistic, atavistic, red-neck moron will be able to come through this believing that power-mongers like the Bushes are friends to the military. Events like this create truly teachable moments. I think a lot of people in the military have some inkling of how exploited they are by hawkish governments. I think some military families are getting it, as well. I’m no barometer because I’m a very atypical military spouse and my husband is a very atypical Marine, but I feel a change coming on.
The veterans returning from the Iraq occupation who are rotated out of service are going to be anti-war. Problem is, many in the Democratic establishment don’t want to hear from these anti-war vets (just as they didn’t want to hear from the likes of Lt. John Forbes Kerry returning from Vietnam) because, well, many of the Democrats in Congress initially supported the invasion and continue to do so–either because they truly believe in the neocon agenda or because they’re too spineless to say “no” to Emperor George.
Let’s be clear about this: the invasion and occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan is a WORSE fiasco than Vietnam in terms of its impact on US standing in the world and its ultimate effect on the military. If the British and American armies aren’t broken yet, they soon will be–and despite what some will tell you, those two countries need an effective, functioning military.
But perhaps something has to be broken before it can be rebuilt and improved.
I think anyone who is counting on the Democratic Party to provide vision and leadership on finding our way back from this military blunder will be disappointed. They won’t speak out against the whole thing because they’re terrified of the “dove” label. The truth is that the Democratic Party has done and is doing more to take care of the actual men and women in the military than the Republican Party, but they won’t position themselves that way because they’re too scared of being called “tax and spend.” They’re useless unless they stop playing reactive politics, and I’m not going to hold my breath.
But perhaps something has to be broken before it can be rebuilt and improved.
Whether it has to or not, that’s how it’s going to be. To my way of thinking that means it does have to. If we could learn this without so much suffering, we would. You’re damn skippy this is worse than Vietnam, for so many reasons. How many empires have sink into the sands of these countries before supposedly smart leaders notice a trend? This is the price of hubris. Now maybe we can learn once and for all the hazards of top-down leadership and learn to function as a real democracy.
on the standing of the US in the world…
but it is the same impact on the individuals who have gone and come back transformed, nearly mute, with very little societal support to understand who they are now. On the people who’ve lost limbs. On the families who don’t recognize the person who’s returned.
On the families, friends, schoolmates who’ve lost someone they cared about deeply. There are ripples and ripples for decades, for everyone involved.
This diary gave me a thought… Don’t ever say “I support the troops by bringing them home” or anything like that. That plays into their “support the troops” game. Change the game entirely: “It’s not about support. It’s about people dying for a war they shouldn’t even be fighting!”
but it’s that 8 second sound byte dillema, ya know. It takes more than a bumper sticker or a slogan to try to explain to some… and when you try… they just clobber you.
You are an inspiration Janet. I hope your friend keeps reaching out and finding empathetic souls like you.
Thank you, talking and listening to him helps me out too. It’s been 3 long years of worry and anxiety.. and now I’m worried and anxious for him all over again.
You brought tears to my eyes. He will talk when he finds someone he’s comfortable with and you’re obviously pointing him in the right direction.
If he has PTSD, he may not be ready to talk about his experiences right now so any support you can show him for the feelings he’s having is very helpful. He needs to know that he is having “a normal reaction to an abnormal situation”. That’s what’s at the crux of PTSD. Even if he doesn’t have PTSD, it still applies.
Sometimes, all you can do is to be a friend and you are doing that Janet. Just keep an eye out for any indications of deep depression or major anxiety. At that point, he has to be encouraged strongly to get professional help immediately.
May I email you or such in case I have any questions or concerns?
From what I gather, and from conversations I’ve had with his dad (before he came home) he’s very attentive to the possibilities of PTSD and he knows he can go to his Pops. Whew.
I think he’s just shocked at the… apathy and lack of “support” he got when he returned.
E-mail me anytime. You probably know that I’ve been dealing with PTSD for 10 years now. Not only does a lack of support from family and friends show up when someone has PTSD, it can happen as a reaction to any illness. It’s a denial mechanism that some people use so they don’t have to accept the fact that someone they know is sick and it can bring on anger and rejection against the person. I’ve been there.
I’m glad he’s keeping an eye on things and that he can talk to his dad. That’s really important.
Here’s a good site about PTSD you might want to pass along:
Daniel Baldwin’s Trauma Information Pages
Hopefully, he’ll link up with a circle of people who can give him the support he needs. That’s not an easy task because many people feel embarassed by PTSD because they see it as a sign of personal weakness. It isn’t. It’s a biochemical brain reaction. I hope he’s able to find his way.
Thank you! Right now he’s staying with his parents but I know that at some time he’ll have to go back to his base. He has a few more months left of his enlistment.
Yeah, he was really upset because he felt that his “friends” were begining to – and I quote – “treat me like a pussy”
The duality of it all… frustrates and furiates me.
They say they support him yet tell him not to talk about anything upsetting.
They tell him to “get over it”
They tell him not to be a “downer”
They say they support him yet tell him not to talk about anything upsetting.
They tell him to “get over it”
They tell him not to be a “downer”
They’re just feeding their denial. That’s why he needs to stick with people who do support him and stay away from those who don’t. It will make his world a little smaller for a while but he can’t let people like that convince him not to talk. That’s very unhealthy.
He has a short window of time before he goes back to his base to at least establish some helpful contacts to help him along and it sounds like he’s looking for someone who understands, so that’s encouraging.
If he’s into writing or drawing, that might be an outlet too – anything that will help him focus on his recovery in a positive way is time well spent. As they say, the little things matter – doing things you enjoy and taking good care of yourself. He doesn’t have to focus on the big picture. It’s enough to just get through one day at a time.
No one can deal with or ‘get over’ emotional pain by denying it exists.
But the denial of others to recognize or accept that pain can perpetuate it in someone else.
There are too many in this country don’t want to hear things that will weaken their resolve and sense of righteousness about the war — they don’t want to hear what it’s doing to our soldiers, and what it’s doing to innocent people in Iraq. They cannot comprehend that war does this to EVERYONE — and that is why there are so very few just causes for it. But too many people are clinging to the mythology of America being always right, always justified in its actions — and they will deny any contact with evidence to the contrary. Just as some people have the whole mythology of marriage as “happily ever after” and don’t realize that long-term relationships take work, honesty and compromise and have can lots of rough bumps along the way.
I hope your friend talks to the other young vets, who have been through what he’s been through — that will help him a lot, to know he’s not alone in his pain.
Let them call me names and what not all they want. But to tell a young man who returned from there…
I think we all expected this type of occurance from the apoliticals, apathetics and Bush supporters… I don’t think my friend was expecting it from the very people he thought loved him. It’s like he’s shocked by it.
Good job. You are a patriot. God damn this administration. We learned this lesson already, within our lifetimes. There was no need to repeat it. Damn them.
Keep fighting the bastards, and caring for those they’ve screwed. Hope others are following in your footsteps. Great report from front of American conscience.
Janet, you’re Right ‘We’re New Found Friends Forever’, as I type this with a Tear in my Eye, after Reading How You’ve Reached Out!!
You are Offering More than you Probably even Realize, with your ‘WelCome Home’!! You need not even say it just be there and Listen to what this Young [No Longer] Man has to say for that’s the Best Support and Welcome Home that can be offered, Your Friendship, Understanding and Humanity!!
The ‘Real’ Welcome Homes us Vietnam Vets received came from the Same Place, the Understanding and Humanity of those, long ago [but really not that long, Sadly] of the Anti-War Movement of the Vietnam Era, many are the Best People I’ve Had The Pleasure of Meeting and becoming LifeLong Friends Of!!
Keep your Head Held High against those that Show their Fear, Confusion, and Ignorance, for They Are Shallow Human Beings who Will Be Judged on their Lack of Humanity and Understanding!!
Stay Friends with this Vet and you will be Very Pleased with your’s and his Payback in this Always Confusing World, and there will be More Coming to Both Of You, even in the Red Area you Live In!!!!!!!!!!!
[by the way Thanks for Using the Pic again]
James Starowicz
USN ’67’71 GMG3 Vietnam In-Country ’70-’71 COMNAVFORV
I didn’t get to see you again afterwards, but please know that you will always be connected to me. As crazy as that sounds. You have a family.
The men at the VFP tent were really wonderful. I was hoping to see you there. I know we’ll see each other agaib another time one day.
Each time someone calls me a name or implies that I’m less than… I just think of the hugs I got from you and others… The hugs I got from my friend.
If I run into any problems in trying to “be there” for him, I’ll make sure to email you and/or Catnip for an S.O.S right away.
Please do if any help needed, but it sounds like that Person You Are is All you’ll need!!
Don’t be Surprised if he doesn’t Completely Open Up, and don’t push it, as you’ve probably noticed from any type of past experiances of War Vets, It’s Extremely Hard to Explain what you’ve Actually Gone Through on a Daily Basis in Hell. But just being there will offer Comfort for Both of you!!
Jim
be there when he can’t quit talking and be there when he can’t say a word.
Got it. Thank you!
Damn this “President” and his cronies and anyone who thinks supporting the troops begins and ends with swearing allegiance to Bush or putting a ribbon on their car.
You are a true supporter of the troops Janet.
And Mr. Starowitz is a great guy isn’t he?
Take care, you’re doing God’s work. I hope your young friend can find his way home with your help.
For misspelling your name. I meant Starowicz
Not a problem Steve, but it does make me Jewish using the T, funny how one letter can Change a life!!;c}
You should see the Actual Polish SurName for which, Thank God, the Family Forpersons decided on Starowicz!
There was a Family in Syracuse, where I’m from that was Jewish and Spelled it with the T, there was also another Polish Family with same Spelling, and We Were the Only three amilies in the US with that Name, till I found another up in Canada.
He and I used to talk about movies alot. He shared something with me about that that was really sad.
Anyways… I’m not doing much, just being weird, silly me as you know 🙂
By the way, I never got to tell you Happy Birthday at the march, Steven. I think we all grew up that day together. Thank you, my friend. You, too, have more in your family than you started out with this past Nov. 2 🙂
Just meeting everyone that day was my birthday present. And having my son with me, of course.
Thanks Janet.
Thank you Janet, for posting this very moving diary. Hard to write a response as I am still in tears, after reading your diary and all the comments.
The bitter, bitter irony for this young man, that those who claim to “support” him most refuse to allow him his pain, is the absolute centre of what is wrong with our war culture.
Our children are turned into killing machines, and when they cannot bear the pain, the war supporters turn their backs on them. Because no-one wants to hear that becoming the destroyer will destroy you.
The soldier is the quintessence of a “real man”. If a soldier is torn up with grief and pain over the things he’s had to do, what does that say about manhood? The whole construct comes tumbling down like a house of cards.
Bless you for being a friend to this young man. I wish you and him both strength and healing.
I could not ever turn my back on him. They do it ass backwards, they support the war but not the warrior.
The hypocritical way he’s being treated I think is what’s made him so upset.
The thing is … I was just the lady he talked movies with… I wasn’t some close deep friend. But I always cared about him and he knew it.
Thank you for reading and sharing. This whole diary will take me days to digest…
the people we can hang out with changes. This happens to most of us, over and over throughout our lives.
One kid goes away to college — the old friends are gone. One person discovers they’re gay — part of their family wants nothing to do with them.
You divorce… and 80% of everyone you know is too busy to deal with you. You get cancer, and people flinch when they see you.
Underneath the surface, his experience is pretty universal. Yes, he’s young. But his experience is something nearly every human will have to deal with, in one form or another, over and over through life. I believe that if you can broaden that perspective for him, it will help. Also — be sure to mention that exactly what’s happened to him now — that this has happened to soldiers returning home over and over. That there are tens of thousands of people in our country who’ve learned to integrate this. No matter how rough it was, for a long time.
Ultimately, he’s now 10-20-40 years more mature than these kids are. That makes it impossible that they would knit back together. Yes, it’s kind-of like a sci-fi movie or book, because it happened in a few short years. The impact is as great as if it was a time travel machine, and it had been 80 years.
They just aren’t mature enough to understand him — he can’t fit in with them now, any more than he could at the high school right now. I hope you will tell him this, because to understand something helps, IMO. If he can identify what’s happening, and mourn what he had with them, that will fit reality — for that time with his friends is gone, irretrievably, it will never be again.
I may point out that although it is bittersweet now, he might consider: he is lucky that he had those friends during the years that he did. Some people don’t get that experience because they’re ostracized in school. They suffer at the time, what he’s suffering now, not fitting in, not being understood.
I don’t mean to suggest it’s easy, but he has to mourn the loss, yet find a way to be grateful for what was, when it was. Because both the bonding, and the loss are real parts of his life, and they deserve to be honored for what they are.
Now he has something they don’t…. A maturity that is both profound and precious.
If he sees a parent who’s lost a child, he will probably sense something inside them that he has in common with them. There are some shocks that are so profound that we’re never the same, and we’re catapulted into a world of comradeship with others who’ve suffered equally intensely. He would be an asset volunteering with hospice now. People who are there would be on exactly the same plane as he is, riding the waves of the most profound issues human beings ever face.
I believe with all my heart that what heals us is realizing that we’re not alone in suffering pain and loss. What heals us is realizing that although others’ pain appears on the surface to be different, it is the same underneath. It makes us the same inside, it erases our separateness. Pain and loss are the great equalizers of humanity — no matter how rich or poor, what age, etc., they strike us all.
We think there is no way we can overcome our pain — but then we do so, somehow. And that transforms us into something stronger and more amazing than we were before. Like the phoenix, heart broken and burned up, but rising from the ashes.
I was the person who was ostracized grades 2-12. I was the person who lost a child. I can articulate what I gained from both experiences.
Please feel free to print and give this to him. Please stand by him, as I know you will. Feel free to email me privately, any time.
you have what it takes to relate to him straight across, or you two wouldn’t have recognized each other and hugged. Just do what your heart and instincts tell you, they say we only need onen person who believes in us to survive. Believe in him, convey that you know he can and will get through this.
I was thinking last night of printing this all off and holding on to it and asking if he wants to see it.
Reading people’s deep opinions should be good for him now, I’d think. To know people are out here dialoging like this, to give stuff to ponder.
Damnit Janet!
What a beautiful heart and soul you have. . .but I already knew that. You are doing the work of the angels, and beautifully so. There is no wrong way to do it, and you are right, what he needs is just for you and others to be there for him. . .listening or silent, it doesn’t matter.
A lot of tears being shed all through this thread, let them combine to make a river of righteous love, concern, and determined action to rid ourselves of the criminals in the administration.
Beautiful job Janet. I’m very proud to call you one of my own!
Thanks for reading and crying along with us…
Sometimes I feel hopeful… and then I start worrying all over again. He hasn’t called and yesterday I kept going back and forth to the post office. ACK
you’ve been a huge part of keeping my eyes open with your daily work. You are amazing.
I feel bad for the troops, but like when someone says support Bush he’s your president, I always say He’s not my president, I never voted for him. And I feel the same way about Iraq and those who chose to go. I don’t understand the troops who know Bush lied to them how they cannot revolt and still choose to stay. At what cost does one not choose personal freedom especially when something is wrong?
I’ll never forget the big officer in the Navy who told me that women and children were the downfall of the Navy when I went to his office demanding to know where my husband was after him being out to sea for 6 months and their sub was over two months late…Turned out his sub was playing torpedo tag with a Russian sub and my ex’s sub got hit and damaged and was sent to a shipyard for repairs but the families weren’t told because it was ‘classified’.
Ever since then I’ve had no respect for the military and the “GAMES” they play.
And I feel the same way about Iraq and those who chose to go. I don’t understand the troops who know Bush lied to them how they cannot revolt and still choose to stay. At what cost does one not choose personal freedom especially when something is wrong?
Choice doesn’t enter it. Once you join the military you aren’t offered the option of picking and choosing your wars. You go when you’re deployed or you go to jail. Those are some options! We’re in a war now, where reservists are being forced to leave, in some cases, lucrative jobs to serve in Iraq for a tiny salary. They are finding that even though their contracts were practically up, in some cases, they have no legal recourse. Personal freedom in a prison cell sounds very glorious and idealistic, unless you’re the one behind bars.
I understand and appreciate what you are saying. I am a passivist and don’t believe in war or humans killing humans-idealist i know- but a troop does have the initial choice. Call me unpatriotic if you must but I try not to be hypocritical. I’m against the war so how do I justify supporting the troops? There is such a thing as mutiny and taking the higher road be it a stint in the brig or not. Somehow a stint in jail seems, to me, the lesser of the two ‘awfuls.’ I’d rather my child be alive in jail than dead from an illegal war.
Please respect my opinion whether you agree or not.
I think it’s grand that you’re a pacifist. I have no quarrel with your personal beliefs or how you make your personal choices. But you have placed judgments on the choices of people whose lives and motivations you are in no position to evaluate. Whether you think jail, loss of income, possible dishonorable discharge, etc, are preferable to doing the job our troops agreed to do, is irrelevant. We all have our own ethical systems, and for someone who signed on the dotted line and agreed execute the wishes of our elected officials, there are many other considerations, not the least of which is keeping their initial agreement. How honorable is it to say that you will go where the people send you and then renege? It isn’t just Bush the Liar who committed our troops to this action. It’s our elected officials, and by extension all of us. That’s the kind of question that has to be weighed when those orders come. I have no grudge against those who’ve refused and fled, either. They make their choices based on their value systems and the best decisions they can make in a very difficult situation. I can respect your opinion, but can you respect those whose value systems you don’t share? Your pacifism applies to you. It’s your belief. There aren’t a lot of pacifists in the military. To expect our troops to live by your code seems a bit unreasonable.
was in the military. Navy. Also in the 3rd Platoon.
He won’t hunt. When he fishes he’s a catch and release type of dude.
He went in because the Navy had the best high tech schooling for electronics in the entire world. Plus… he had to get out of the path he was on.
All 3 of his 4 closest buddies in the Navy were pacifists. My husband isn’t one as he will defend his family with physical violence if need be. Military Pacifists – they are there. Some go in so they can say they served or they feel the need to serve.
That’s so funny. My husband is a vegetarian, more for health reasons than ethical considerations, but he would never hurt an animal, unless maybe his life depended on it, for some reason. He also doesn’t judge me for my joyful consumption of poultry and sea creatures. He’s not the judgmental type. But, he’s a warrior through and through. He’s a skilled martial artist and a Marine, and would absolutely kill in defense of self, family, community, etc. I don’t know how a pacifist can be in the military, but I guess you can find a specialty, particularly in the Navy, where combat is unlikely.
Good for you. Ye are the salt of the earth.
Consider yourself hugged.
Damn.
Thank you for the hug. They get me through dark times here. Trust me, they do.
Told your story to hearten the anti-war troops at a Capitol protest today. Group of about 20. They like to hear that they are appreciated, and that their efforts are supporting the troops. Thanks DJ.
Glad it gave them some oomph 🙂
Have you read Steven D’s diary? Read it damnit 🙂
http://www.boomantribune.com/?op=displaystory;sid=2005/10/21/1810/6894
Today I met up with some pals … all by accident. I was posting up all the regular dissention stuff 🙂 and it was good to be amongst people who will hug me. It’s so much nicer to be hugged than mugged.
((((BostonJoe))))) our local bookstore is going to order your books the day they can!!!
Will read StevenD.
Glad you are getting adequate hug quota. You deserve it.
Thanks on the books. It was a rough day in bookstore land for me. But it is a long war (metaphorically, I’m hoping).
from even complete strangers everytime I wear this CodePink T-shirt.
Wow, great post, Janet. I surfed in here through a diary entry by Kos about how much our gov’t loves and supports our troops.
I’m in a running war of words over just this with some troll who insists on invading my blog with his crap. Of course, instead of giving me his side of the story, he just keeps saying that I don’t respect the truth.
He’s a former military man, you see, so he knows better.
Well, so am I. In fact, we enlisted the same year.
Oh, btw, he’s not a Bush support, he claims.
Uh huh.
Glad you surfed into these shores. The diaries here seem to be more personal based. I didn’t have to worry about nitpicking or trolls. I was free to share.
Isn’t it “nice” to be told by blind people that you yourself don’t see? 🙂