Booman City (FAP) – Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster High Priest BostonJoe told citizens of Dover, Pennsylvania that they had rejected the Flying Spaghetti Monster by voting their school board out of office for supporting “Flying Spaghetti Monsterism” and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if pirates struck.
BostonJoe, a former mystery writer and founder of the influential “Advice to a Batshit Loopy Prez” blog series, has a long record of similar apocalyptic warnings and provocative statements.
Last summer, he hit the headlines by calling for meatballs to be thrown at Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, one of the most vocal international critics of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.
“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you just rejected Him from your city, and His Noodly Appendage will not touch you at all. Ramen,” BostonJoe said in a hastily arranged press conference outside a Fazoli’s fast-food pasta restaurant.
“And don’t wonder why He hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted His Noodliness out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for His help because he might not be there, nor will his pirates. Or the midgets,” he said.
In voting on Tuesday, all eight Dover, Pennsylvania, school board members up for re-election lost their seats after trying to introduce “Flying Spaghetti Monsterism” to high school science students as an alternative to the theory of evolution.
Adherents of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism argue that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster, and that it was his Pastaness who created all that we see and all that we feel, and that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Opponents say Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is misguided, but still funny, and delicious.
The Dover case sparked a trial in federal court that gained nationwide attention after the school board was sued by parents backed by the American Civil Liberties Union. The board ordered schools to read students a short statement in biology classes informing them that the theory of evolution is not established fact and that the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists.
The statement mentioned Pastafarians as an alternate group of people and recommended students visit the official Flying Spaghetti Monster website. A decision in the case is expected before the end of the year.
Update [2005-11-10 22:1:43 by BostonJoe]: Editor’s Note: I almost forgot to mention that Pat Robertson is such a fucking tool. He has condemned a whole town to hell because they voted rationally. His god is kind of an asshole, I think. My god is warm and tasty. And very flexible, if boiled for 10 to 15 minutes.