My earliest and most lasting civics lessons came courtesy of the Saturday morning cartoon infomercials called Schoolhouse Rock. My favorite all time episode was called I’m Just a Bill. I was such a fan, and so incredibly geeky, that I actually ordered the CD for my own kids.
For those of you who lack the exemplary education of a Gen-X-er raised by commercial television, I’m Just a Bill is an animated illustration of how a Bill becomes a law in the U.S. federal government. It’s actually a musical. The lyrics are still popping in my head some thirty years after first hearing them. Ah, the remarkable power of jingles.
Anyway, by this time, you might be asking yourself, “To what do I owe this small bit of trivial nostalgia?”
Well, I’m thinking about I’m Just a Bill, because on my daily walk this morning, around the snow-dusted and anesthetizing landscape of suburbia, I started thinking of a new law. And I started imagining calling up my fat little suited Congressman (my Congressman is not really fat, like the cartoon character in I’m Just a Bill, but he has worn similarly cheesy suits from time to time) and proposing my solution to a problem.
The problem I was thinking of is not as simple as buses stopping at railroad crossings. I’m thinking campaign finance reform. Or some system designed to defeat the overwhelming influence of money in the political system. And I think I’ve got something.
Problem: Since the advent of television, political campaigns have become heavily influenced by the new media. It is not only expensive for candidates to compete by buying sufficient air time, but the small time slots that can be purchased are only useful for advertising in sound bites. By and large, political speech has been dumbed down to a level very close to tooth paste marketing. No more town halls to look over the candidates and their ideas.
Proposed solution: Since there seems to be some constitutional issues which prevent us from taking the money out of campaigns, I started to think about an alternative. What if, instead of taking the money out, we started giving all candidates access to sufficient air time so that they could get their message out to the people.
This thought came to me the other night, at a framing workshop I attended. Essentially, it seemed to me, that what was being taught was not how to have better ideas about improving our country, but how to make better, more attractive sound bites. The whole thing was about getting better at selling tooth paste.
Now I have some natural ability, as a trial lawyer, when it comes to saying something slick and persuasive. I’m not the best, by far. But I was loads ahead of most in the room.
Problem is, as I saw it last night, was that I knew I was saying some pretty trite, surface level things, in order to sound persuasive. The shorter and sweeter, the better. The less actual substance, the better. And, as a country, I think we could really use a little substance right now.
This point was driven home, when one of my former college philosophy professors (Teacher Toni, since I spoke with you about this guy, I have bumped into him twice — a very bizarre random occurrence) tried his hand at “framing.” The man is a genius. And very entertaining. The things he said were brilliant. They honestly took my breath away. He evaluated all sides of an issue, and then synthesized everything into a thoughtful approach. It took him ten to twenty minutes, but it was wonderful. Only problem. He got basically an “F” for framing. Because there was no sound bite. Too much there, there. Which I think is total bullshit. And it occurred to me, that what the professor had just done, sounded a lot like what Ross Perot did in 1992 (only the Professor was brilliant, and Ross Perot was just entertaining, and perhaps right about “free trade”). What the professor needed was an infomercial. And what our country needs is a lot of infomercials. So that really smart people can talk to the masses about our problems. And how to fix them. Enough selling fucking tooth paste.
So here is my pitch. We all call our fat guys in suits and tell them that they need to adopt the following law:
A broadcast network will be established nation wide, to be maintained by a non-partisan commission. The purpose of the broadcast network will be to inform voters and give access to the public airwaves to candidates for office. The broadcast network shall be carried on all cable networks free of charge.
In every election for state and federal office, every candidate appearing in an election shall be given three one-hour time slots per week for the fifteen weeks prior to the election. Candidates air time will be broadcast only to such parts of the network that cover the election districts in their areas. All candidates on the ballot will receive equal air time, to be used as they see fit. Air time will be split so that the candidates for the highest ranking offices shall be given priority viewing times. To the extent that air time will not accommodate all candidates, candidates will be eliminated from the broadcast schedule based on a formula weighted to balance the importance of the office, and the candidates relative low standing in non-partisan polling.
In order to properly promote civic participation in election education, all commercial networks shall be required to run public service advertisements promoting the election coverage network. Commercial networks will provide public service announcements in an amount, and timed in a manner, in accordance with the average times, placements and frequencies of the largest 50 advertisers on the commercial network.
I know. I know. It would never work, right? I mean, they are our airwaves right? But what corporation is going to substitute a couple hours of a progressive professor running for office, when it could have the dim feeb Bill O’Reilly spouting babbling nonsense during this time.
So, what do you think? Is this something to send to the fat guys in suits. Can they cut and paste from our e-mails, and send a little animated bill running up and down the steps of the Capitol, down through committees, etc. Until he becomes a law or gets vetoed?
Just an idle thought, on a cold walk. And something to share.
