Maybe, just maybe we have gotten Bill O’Reilly wrong all this time.

Underneath that crusty. loofah-swabbed exterior lies a delicate, sensitive soul.
I type this because Mr. O’Reilly, the author, the commentator, the defender and savior of all-that-is-right-far right-in-America, has humbly taken time from his very busy schedule to warn the gullible, the dupable, the naive, the easily-influenced away from the cooing, brainwashing entreaties of communists, socialists, baby-killers, Christmas damners and other sirens who only wish to damage America.

This after he spent untold time and effort in saving American youth from despoilment with “The O’Reilly Factor for Kids: A Survival Guide for America’s Families.”

Bill is looking out for us!

For evidence, here is his latest outreach:

“The following media operations have regularly helped distribute defamation and false information supplied by far left websites:

  • New York Daily News
  • The St. Petersburg Times

These are the worst offenders. In the months to come, we expect to add more names to this list. We recommend that you do not patronize these operations and that advertisers do the same. They are dishonest and not worth your time and money.”

I say let’s take up a collection right here and now so that Mr. O’Reilly can continue his most-necessary work. All of you reading this who have spare loofahs and phone cards, please send them directly to Mr. O’Reilly at the FOX headquarters in New York City. This will enable our nation’s protector to continue his ‘missionary’ work with single young women, rescuing them from a life of loneliness and sexual unfulfillment.

Please spare no generosity. American femalehood is in jeopardy.

Bill, how can I say this to you gently. Realize that I am only emulating you, okay? Imitation is the sincerest from of flattery, right? “SHUT UP! CUT HIS MIKE! GET HIM OUT OF HERE! DIDN’T I SAY SHUT UP? YOU PUNK, I’LL KICK YOUR ASS…OH YEAH…GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU.”

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