I feel special! I got another piece of hate mail today! Probably in response to “The Wizard of Oil”, but the author doesn’t say… I’m very thankful that my site is being visited now… I’ve been averaging 300 or so hits per day over the last week!
This is only the second piece of hate e-mail that I’ve ever received, so I’m hoping that this is the beginning of a groundswell! This is what “Mary” had to say:
“Yes you’re right. I’m enlightened that there are still idiots that spew this garbage and give aid and comfort to the enemy. You should join up with Jane Fonda. I’ve never seen a site with so much garbage and trash as yours. You should be arrested.”
{My hit counter says “You are enlightened one number …”}
This was my response to “Mary”…
Mary,
Sincerely, thank you for taking the time to express your opinion! I do listen to all criticism openly and honestly, and you seem to be very passionate about your opinions.
I am disturbed, however, that you believe me to be giving, as you say, “aid and comfort to the enemy”. If you could be a little more specific as to the nature and identity of this “enemy” and how you feel that I am providing “aid and comfort”, it would be greatly appreciated, and perhaps then I might be able to adjust myself accordingly.
As to “joining up with Jane Fonda”, I’ll have to admit that this does not sound too appealing to me. Some of her politics I sometimes have a little trouble with… for instance, I am very pro Nuclear Power, and I found her performance in “China Syndrome” a little too critical of the nuclear industry for my taste… but that’s just me. I hear that she’s excellent in her latest flick “Monster-in-Law”, though.
You and I are in agreement, however, on one thing… I get the impression that you care passionately about America, just as I do! I know it’s a big assumption, but I’m assuming that you mean when you say, “You should be arrested”, that it is over concerns over National Security. Is this the case? If so, I must insist that you immediately forward a link to my website to the FBI, NSA, or Homeland Security … here are their respective websites: FBI, NSA, and Homeland Security if this is of any help.
Mary, I hate to say this, but I feel that I must insist that you act accordingly on this, or I may, in turn, be forced to forward your email to the FBI and NSA. If you have evidence of what you feel is potential terrorist activity, you must act NOW. This is not something to be joking about. If you do not, I will then be forced to turn you in…
If you are worried that something bad might happen to me, because of your actions, don’t. Rest assured, given the revelations of President Bush in the last couple of days in regards to intrusions upon our civil liberties, I find it highly likely that my Website and I have already been investigated many, many times and found to be harmless, but stupid. Do your duty now! Please don’t make me have to turn you into Homeland Security.
Sincerely,
Dudehisattva
I appreciated your detailed response but I’m afraid it may just prove to be too much for Mary.
Might as well go ahead and ready up the followup to her next reply.
Personally, I hope her head melts into a little puddle like that old R. Crumb “Stoned Again” poster.
Bood, you are a blogospherical treasure. Keep up the good work.
Oh, and everyone else . . . I nominated “The Wizard Of Oil” for a Koufax for Funniest Post. Go thou and do likewise.
Maybe the phrase, It’s been suggested that perhaps you’re too odd to understand. Maybe that was awed.
Guess I’m off to see the wizard.
If I win, you can post it on your virtual mantle , too…
Hillarious! Thanks for the laugh.
They will do it, and unless you have been pathologically careful not to have anything at all, ever, anywhere on the internets traceable to any real life person, you could find yourself in very real life danger.
Bring it o.
.
.
.
hey,….you ok?
Did Mary get you before you could finish that comment?
damn,…some of ’em are pretty quick.
and the “Castle of Aggghhhh…” ; )
my sentiments exactly
Don’t mind the parrot. He’s not dead. He’s just resting.
He’s pining for the fnords.
Maybe it came directly from inside the WH? Remember I sent “The Wizard of Oil? to both the preznit and Darth…lol! Great response to MAry for sure.
Mary Cheney? Mary Matalin? They still hang around the WH don’t they?
you are safe with us!
But you have arrived! You know your stuff is good when the other side spies.
Yeah, I’m envious. None of my Sunday Griots ever got hate mail. A post chewing me out for telling Ojibway stories on Thanksgiving weekend, yeah, but not hate mail.
Let me know if that hussy ever tries anything. I’ll take care of her. Don’t you worry your magnificent mind about the likes of Mary.
Now if you should hear from Homeland Security, I am within boating distance of Cuba and can bake some mean brownies.
Nice job Bood. Go hate mail. You must be doing something right.
More than likely Mary is simply awed and envious of your abilities. (Like many of us.)
I sent more than one person to your site- many of them were righties– and they all LOVED it- said back to me-‘-That guy is amazing’ so there ya go–
And I don’t know anyone named Mary.
Your reply was just great and I’ll be remembering your masterful way of twisting the hate-monger’s words next time I’m looking for something to say other than “bite me”. The Jane Fonda reference really dates her doesn’t it?
Jane Fonda is the ever-present whipping girl of the Right. For all any of them know she could be forty years dead, they’ve just been told by the Zombie Masters that she is the embodiment of Liberal Evil and must be Hated. Yessssss, we hates her, my preciousssssss . . .
Ahem.
That doesn’t go for all of them. The first generation of Haters remember when she went to Hanoi to try to end the war. I’m guessing the younger ones just listen to them and perpetuate it without really knowing why.
I remember “Barbarella”! For that alone I could probably never hate her for anything.
The Preznit thinks he’s above the law and can order spying on Americans a la Stalin. Dissent is now becoming a crime. Well, that’s bullshit and Bush is an asshole….what’s that? There seems to be a knock on my door…Hold on! Hold on! I’m coming, no need to knock so loudly….
you can!
So when’s the release of Jane Fonda’s and your one-woman, one-man resurrection of the exercise video?
Mary’s gall bladder must be in an uproar. She’s feeling fat, forty-ish, and flatulent, isn’t she?
Brilliant.
Probably more head-spinning on her part than in The Exorcist.
I don’t think I’ve been served the same flavor kool-aid as Mary. The stuff I have tried is awful! Makes you spit it out immediately. Wonder what they put in hers??
You obviously have problems with authority figures. As your post of Bush cleans up Camp Casey, and Wizard of the Oil on those liberal blogs. I thought you might be saved…but I have decided against “praying” for you. I only hope Rev. Pat will spare you the shame of public humiliation on the 700 Club.
Mary Righteous..
and don’t forget I’m not far from Canada either, just have your passport ready…
but wth, ya done forgot all about Barbarella, couldn’t you have worked that in there somehow???
“Mary” strikes me as one of those millions of second-hand thinkers that make up the wingnutosphere; an unfortunate creature whose ignorance has been so thoroughly weaponized by her fellow wingnuts that she’s lost the ability for the critical thinking skills that would be required for her to even understand your reply to her.
Maybe if you had told her; “Mary, please call 911 and turn me in”, she might have understood, but anything more complicated than that I expect whooooshed right over her head.