I disappeared from the blog world for over a month and also from the real world.  I am suffering from Deep Depression and also very real Anxiety Attacks.  It all started with anxiety attacks back in July after I was in my 4th car wreck in 8 years.  The attacks were sometimes minor and sometimes bad enough I had to pull off the road and park for hours before moving again.  None of the wrecks were my fault but the fear of having yet another car totaled or hit would send me into a total panic.

(cross posted @ My Left Wing,Refinish69,
As most of you know, I was also very involved in the fight to stop the “Marriage” Amendment from passing in Texas.  As part of the campaign, I spoke of friends I had seen lose everything when their lover’s died.  I also recounted the final days of my Lover’s life over and over to explain how legal documents do not always protect people and the extremely high cost involved as opposed to spousal rights.  This brought a very real sense of mourning and loss back to the forefront of my mind and heart, which I thought I had dealt with many years ago.  Add to this the overwhelming loss at the polls statewide and you can see where my mind went on that one.

I turned 47 4 days after the election and realized I had spent the last 5 years working on campaigns that were abysmal failures.  I started to feel like a total failure myself.  I would have panic attacks just heading towards the front door.  Next came the crying jags that would last hours.  Forgetfulness, lethargy, and total lack of self-worth were soon to follow.  I stopped leaving home. I quit going to work or returning calls.  I would sometimes go out seeing anyone but the person at the drive through window at the closest fast food restaurant and that was only on the days I remembered to eat.  I did remember to feed and care for my dogs but I wasn’t too concerned with me.  What finally woke me up that I needed help was when I started thinking of finding homes for my dogs so that when I was gone they would be taken care of if I was not around.
I am now seeing a therapist and am on mild medication.  I am not well and I am not back at work yet, but hopefully will be by the end of the week.  I have many things to work through but at least I finally realized I needed help and reached out.

I am sure many are thinking “Why would he share this with the world?” I am doing as part of my therapy but also to hopefully help others.  If any of these symptoms sound familiar, please get help.  If I had talked to someone when the first panic attacks started in July, I would not have lost the month of December and the first two weeks of January.  

Depression Statistics
 Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults or about 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. This includes major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder.
 Everyone, will at some time in their life be affected by depression — their own or someone else’s, according to Australian Government statistics. (Depression statistics in Australia are comparable to those of the US and UK.)
 Pre-schoolers are the fastest-growing market for antidepressants. At least four percent of preschoolers — over a million — are clinically depressed.

 The rate of increase of depression among children is an astounding 23% p.a.
 15% of the population of most developed countries suffers severe depression.
 30% of women are depressed. Men’s figures were previously thought to be half that of women, but new estimates are higher.
 54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness.
 41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help.
 80% of depressed people are not currently having any treatment.
 92% of depressed African-American males do not seek treatment.
 15% of depressed people will commit suicide.
 Depression will be the second largest killer after heart disease by 2020 — and studies show depression is a contributory factor to fatal coronary disease.

 Depression results in more absenteeism than almost any other physical disorder and costs employers more than US$51 billion per year in absenteeism and lost productivity, not including high medical and pharmaceutical bills.

Depression statistics

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