(Washington, D.C.) – President Bush today addressed the nation and spoke bluntly about his vision for fighting terrorism, spreading democracy, and rejuvenate the economy.
However, half way through his hyped speech the President paused and turned to the Vice President seated behind him. Without any advanced warning, the President once again used his signature move to convince the American people that he was serious about fighting the war on terror and winning in Iraq by SHITTING that “the military was destroying insurgent targets and building institutions of democracy every day.”
Looking presidential, he looked in to the camera and said, “hindsight isn’t a strategy”, and “defeatism doesn’t work.” But to the surprise of viewers at home, as the President spoke, brown foam began to come out of his mouth with each of his words.
The Vice President and Speaker seated behind Bush grimaced, as the odor became visible on their faces. President Bush was once again taking a shit in the middle of the State of the Union Address. The feces flowing out of his mouth was apparent to everyone except those around him shitting with him.
The President looked so presidential he didn’t know what to do with himself. He smirked when he needed to smirk. He paused at the right times. He looked to his right and glanced to his left. Looked us into the camera and let us touch his heart. He let us feel his pain and consoled us in grief. But he still had shit flowing out of his mouth. The shit looked all to familiar.
Shit about wiretaps. Shit about illegally spying on American Citizens. Shit about the war in Iraq. Shit about fighting terrorism. Shit about capturing Bin Laden. Shit about values. Shit about democracy. Shit about everything that came out of his mouth.
Speaking bluntly, Bush shat on himself tonight.
His shit flowed from his lips in the same manner that rivers flow into the ocean. He was resolute and more determined than ever. He was confident in his shit, and more importantly believed his own shit.
“The U.S. supports democratic reform across the Middle East,” shitted Bush.
By the end of the night, experts said that President Bush once again delivered the “greatest SOTU addresses ever given.” He went beyond “the call of duty” said one pundit. “Bush was vintage Bush” said another. “He really knows his shit” said another.
As I went to sleep, I realized that I had heard all of this before. It was many speeches given in the past, put together, recycled and pieced together. By the end of the night it had the smell of feces–almost as though Bush was taking a shit out of his mouth.
