Oakland, CA (Rotters) – Jeeves the Butler, famed logo for the popular Ask.Com search engine returned to the premises of the California based company late today and attempted to take out his anger at being terminated on fellow employees at gunpoint. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but the office was left in a shambles from the angry tirade.
“You could kind of tell that this was coming,” said a fellow Ask.Com employee who wished to remain anonymous. “I know for a fact that Jeeves had been drinking pretty heavily over the last few months as things were falling apart for him. You could smell it on him today, too, but nothing cheap… that man knew his liquor.”
Jeeves apparently entered the building around 5 PM with four automatic machine pistols and thousands of rounds of ammunition hidden conveniently away in one of Ask.Com’s new Search tool boxes that they will be introducing on their home page in the near future. He insisted on speaking with the company’s CEO, and became enraged when an employee jokingly insisted that he just ask nicely. Jeeves, at that point, allegedly produced one of the machine pistols and began shooting at random.
“I don’t know if he was really intending on harming anybody,” said another employee, “Or maybe it was just the alcohol. For a guy who knew everything there was to know about guns, he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn today.”
Police successfully talked Jeeves into laying down the weapons after all of his ammunition had been used and his attempt to turn the empty guns upon himself was unsuccessful.
A police spokesperson described Jeeves as clearly intoxicated and incoherent upon arrest. “We attempted to question the subject after he was disarmed and handcuffed. All he could say was things like, “Did you mean to ask about my fashion motif?” or “I do not understand the question, `Do it’… Do you want to buy Nikes online?”
“Jeeves was really upset over this whole Google privacy lawsuit from the Bush administration,” said a Mr. French, identifying himself as a family friend. “He became angry when Ask.Com capitulated on the issue. He was devastated that the millions of questions that people had asked him in confidence over the years were now subject to government scrutiny. He began drinking heavily and he was never the same.”
A spokesperson for the Oakland Police Department stated that Jeeves was being held on a million dollar bond and would likely be arraigned tomorrow pending a further online search. A spokesperson for Ask.Com’s corporate headquarters stated, “Our sympathy is with Jeeves tonight, and we are just thankful that no one was either hurt or killed. It is a sad outcome for such a brilliant and knowledgeable man, but in this case, there can be no doubt that the butler did it.”
