[Guess this is “true confessions” week here at the Frog Pond…well, they do say that confession is good for the soul…]
I’m ashamed of myself this morning.
Last night, the spouse and I stopped at Carl’s Jr. for dinner. It was late, we were hungry, I’d just spent an hour plus lying flat on my stomach waiting for treatment on a cyst that burst. And Carl’s Jr. is at least a small step up from Mickey D.’s.
I made up my mind quickly, then waited…and waited…and waited while the spouse tried to decide what he wanted.
Then I did something I never thought I would do.
I hit him.
It wasn’t a major hit, more kind of a slap on the upper arm. Since he was wearing a shirt and a heavy jacket, it probably didn’t even leave a mark. But he looked slightly stunned. And I am stunned that I did that. What is it in me that made it easy for me to take that step? And will it return, more violently, without warning the next time I’m frustrated with him?
We hear much about violence against women — but it’s not all about men vs. women. It doesn’t get much press, but there are cases of domestic violence in the gay/lesbian community. When someone feels powerless, they have to show that they do have power — and in this world, that means acting violently. Look at our popular media…in the movies you’ve got cops who go with “shoot first, ask questions later” — and we’re surprised in real life when an unarmed man is shot. There are movies that glorify the camaraderie of war…then young men and women get to the battlefield and find it’s not all brotherhood and beer.
And look at our own government — instead of sitting down and finding peaceful solutions to disagreements, we rush out and kill thousands of innocent men, women and children, and for what? Afghanistan…Iraq…maybe Iran next…when will the cycle of violence stop?
When the spouse gets home from work today, I plan to apologize for my actions — he’ll most likely chalk it up to hunger, frustration, and a bit of pain. And maybe that’s what drove me over the edge — next time I have to go to the clinic at night, I’m packing a lunch. 😉 But I need to figure out my triggers, so I can keep this from happening again.
Would that it were so easy for our governmental leaders to go to war-ravaged Afghanistan and Iraq, and say, “I’m sorry — we fucked up. Let us know how we can make things right…”, and then figure out how to keep from resorting to violence as the first option instead of the last…
Mike and the Mechanics summed things up pretty well at the end of their song “A Call to Arms”:
In other words, I hope and pray
That time and tide keep the day away
When simple men with simple thoughts
Will turn to force as a last recourse
