In all the discussions of rape, incest, and abortion there is always a concern that as women we learn to distrust and hate men. Most of us don’t. We love the men that help us heal, the men that believe us when we are attacked, the ones that stand with us when others abandon us. You are our brothers, fathers, friends, uncles, grandfathers, husbands, and just special guys. You are average guys to the world. You go to work and raise families. We know the difference and we sometimes in our raging forget to tell you that. So this is for you.
This is a tribute to the friends and partners and families that love the victims and survivors. A special thank you and gift of love to those that love us – just as we are and what we may ultimately become.
What you see – and love in us: Are you crazy or what?
- You are the caring cop that talks us in the hospital or police station and treats us with dignity.
- You are the guy that wants to beats the crap out of some guy that attacked us.
- You are the guy that gets really pissed that the laws won’t let you beat the crap out of the guy that attacked us.
- You are the guy that rescued us from a bunch of bullies on a school campus.
- You are the one that rages at the judicial system that puts the victim on trial.
- You are the guy that cries with us…and it’s okay for grown men to cry over our pain.
- You are so many of the guys that read these diaries…and extend a virtual hand to us.
- You are the ones that don’t look at us differently after you hear our stories.
- You tell us you like us – just as we are.
- You look behind the bravado and see the soft hearted person inside of us.
- You simply give us a hug and chuckle when the child in us stumbles and falls – and like an indignant cat – will look around at you as if to say -`what are you looking at – nothing happened – I meant for that to happen!’
- You don’t turn away when we need to rage against the world…you sit and let us rage.
- You don’t turn away when you get caught in the crossfire of our rage – you know that the rage isn’t about you.
- You understand that we can be stubborn and defiant – and you still don’t back down from us. – You encourage and support and nurture that defiance into a constructive path.
- You hold us when we cry.
- You give us space to cry alone when to be touched is painful.
- You make us laugh.
- You don’t understand the inner child’s pain but you nurture and care for that child when it is hurting.
- You don’t understand when something sets us off – and yet you stay close by with the touch of a hand, a gentle hug, a quiet word, or just sitting next to us until it passes.
- You don’t understand our hang-ups – but you work with us to work through them…or simply accept them if that is what we ask.
- You hug us publicly to show your love and support.
- You stand proudly beside us as we stand terrified in public to tell our story. You are not ashamed of our past and support our work…whether it is one on one or in a large group.
- You call us friend or partner or spouse.
- You treat us as you would anyone else. You understand that 99% of the time we are just normal people and you don’t treat us differently.
- You tell us you love us. No questions. No strings. No commitments. Just love.
Simply: love given and love received
You give us love and accept our love in return. You teach us that love is freely given…and grows just as freely. You teach us that when we accept love – it is easier to give love. Love knows no boundaries or rules. You have taught us to love ourselves. You have let us love you.
This is my gift of love – to those that love us: past, present, and future.
With all my heart and soul: I love you more than any words can say – and bless you for touching me with your love. With a special love for my husband of 23 years.
Cross posted at DailyKos
