As President Bush’s approval rating keeps tanking, don’t be surprised to see and hear the following:
(to the receding sounds of The Village People singing “Macho Man”) President Bush, proudly wearing a flight jacket, strides to a lectern to address the nation
“Good evenin’ my fellow Americans,
I am here to protect ya’all. Just like that enemy brush I chop down and take out back at the ranch–I never waver. That’s why I mosey off to the ranch so often. Never let up. Brush up, then I take it down. Boom. I’m relentless.
(over the loudspeakers bursts this verse)
“You can tell a macho, he has a funky walk
his western shirts and leather, always look so boss
Funky with his body, he’s a king
call him Mister Eagle, dig his chains
You can best believe that, he’s a macho man
likes to be the leader, he never dresses grand”
Yes, (pelvic thrusts in various directions) whether it be al-Zarqawi or that other character, ya know…c’mon…Billy Bob…Laden, they all hiding. Off in caves. Scared. Frightened of little ol’ me. (goes smirkalicious) Won’t go mano a mano. They know I’m military-trained and ready for action (struts around the stage). I kept them high-flying Viet Cong outa Texas back in the ’70s. Word gets around. I’m a serious man. Don’t mess with me.
Now there’s some who don’t like what I’m doing to keep you all safe. Guess they don’t mind if we get hit again, like we did back in the previous administration. I keep sayin’ to myself ‘if only I had been President of the United States on 9/11.” But it don’t pay to look back, so don’t you go doing so. Ain’t worth the bother. Trust me. You’se in good hands with George Bush.
Now, I call them who don’t want me to safeguard this country the opposers. They don’t like me–don’t like you either as a matter of fact. Don’t want me bein’ a sentinel for your freedom. But I don’t pay them much attention ’cause they usually off reading or writing while I’m out on the prowl. On guard. For you. Yeah, you know the ones. The only camouflage they like is big words. Since when has a word saved you? Tell me. (goes smirkalicious) You want my head stuck in a book or on the lookout protectin’ you?
They all for givin’ sanctuary and providin’ refuge to those bad guys, the ones who wanta hurt you. Dangerous people who want to make your life a bummer. You know who I’m talkin’ about. Them that like to kick the puppies of aborted fetuses…who want to pull the plug on our delicate women when they just happen to be restin’ up for a few years…the ones who say go ahead to alternative lifestyles. Heck, I got a gay marriage, mucho gay. We’s happy as cooin’ lovebirds. But you don’t see Laura and I paradin’ around and about shoutin’ for this right and that right. I say there’s rights and wrongs, if you know what I mean. I defend the right rights. Your rights.
Them opposers are tryin’ to say we let New Orleans down. Well, I’ll let you in on the truthiness of all that. It was Al-Queda again. Yes, my friends, the right Reverend Pat Robertson told me so. Pat said he was commencin’ to cure someone’s hemorrhoids when he got a vision of Billy Bob Laden, along with Chavez and Castro. Called me right up and said them three were brewin’ up a big wind and wantin’ to hit Arkansas, Missouri, Kansas, Oklahoma, even Tennessee. But because we were ever so alert. we laid a trap and stopped ’em in their tracks at New Orleans. Now some of the opposers say I was off playin’ the guitar in San Diego when I should have been payin’ attention to the Gulf Coast. (shakes his head) They just don’t get it. That’s why we can’t have them in charge of protecting you. See, we had to fool the attackers into thinkin’ we were careless. Had to lure them in. Smoke ’em out. Make ’em think there was shelter from the storm. I think the Arkansas-ans, the Missouri-ans, the Kansans, the Oklahomans and the Tennesse-ans appreciate that we were so smart and vigilant. (goes smirkalicious)
Heck, I even got my staff is on guard, just like I trained ’em. Just the other day, why Vice President Cheney, he was patrollin’ in Texas, on the lookout for them Al Queda varmints. Some of them took flight and he nailed ’em. Sure, a member of the posse happened to get hurt a bit ’cause them Al-Quedans were headin’ right towards him but the Vice President saved his life. You see he even thanked the Vice President for doing such a bang up job.
So, now you don’t forget. On election day, cooooooommmmmmmeeeeee to Daddy. (goes smirkalicious)
The greek chorus of political commentators begin: “Oh, what sunny nobility he exhibits…”
