Damn, George Deutsch must have been installed as a White House Drug Defender or something, because they’re doing a urinalysis on an entire set of cities in and around Fairfax County, Virginia by examining the wastewater for “urinary byproducts of cocaine.”

Oh, yeah, I shit you not. Via RAW STORY:

“Apparently, they’re able to ascertain how many people may be using illicit drugs, in this case cocaine, with such studies,” Board of Supervisors Chairman Gerry Connolly tells WTOP.[…]”It does not indicate that we have an unusual drug problem in Fairfax County,” Connolly says. “I’ll be interested, obviously, in the results. It’s kind of an unusual study and an unusual request. Obviously, we’re prepared to cooperate with any endeavor to try to make sure the use of illicit drugs is discouraged in our community.”

So running a urinalysis on an entire county at the end of a sewer pipe is going to discourage cocaine users?

White House officials believe the wastewater testing will lead to a more accurate index of how many people use drugs than traditional survey research.

So let me see if I can deduce the equation. I mean, if George Deutsch was put in charge of NASA’s publications, I should be able to whip up a handy-dandy formula to figure out how many people are snorting/shooting/smoking the blow, right?

We have P as the number of people pissing during a given… say… hour, ok? Then you’d have I as the number of individuals who ingested cocaine by any method, and we know that every method of injestion has exactly the same urinary byproducts, right? Then we would have S as the selected X hundreds of gallons of wastewater to be tested. Again use S for the humongous fucking temperature strip to go over this gigantic barrel of pissy water. Now we would see E as Examination of sample for cocaine byproducts, and finally we solve for D; Drug Users.

So, without question, the more accurate way to determine how many people in an entire county are doing cocaine would be as follows:

P-I/S+S+E=D

(Cross-posted to: The Psychotic Patriot, Daily Kos, Bring It On!)

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