I confess, I am an anchor baby. Well, actually, an anchor grandbaby. Or, as I prefer to call myself, an anchor offshoot. My alien foreparents and I have had our sins revealed very publicly of late. The shame weighs heavily on me at the moment, so I’ve decided that the best thing is to make a clean confession of our sins. Yes, thanks to the wise counsel of persons such as Tom Tancredo and others, I freely agree that the following noted faults of alien immigrants and their offshoots are true, as seen in my family and myself in particular.
1. Illegals and their offshoots breed like rabbits. They have dozens of children who, being citizens by reason of birth here, anchor their parents in this country.
How true. I’ll just give one example – a full confession would be too lengthy. Before birth control was generally available, GGGrandparents of mine – the Grandmale definitely an undesirable alien – had 18 children. GGrandparents had only 10. However, we are striving to make up for this: my four co-offshoots and I have produced only three offspring. This is a point of some confusion to alien offshoot families like mine, as it appears that certain forces in this country want to end the access to birth control that helped my family stop breeding like rabbits. If this happens, offspring of immigrants are going to fill this country – if they haven’t already done so without the knowledge of many citizens. Yes, we did breed like rabbits, we don’t any more, but we may do so again.
2. Illegals and their offshoots feed at the public trough.
How true. We did and we do. My spouse and I live entirely on public funds. I further confess to having at least 14 more family members (4 siblings and 10 other known direct foreparents) who were or are entirely supported by public funds. If I count cousins, of whom there are several (see point 1, above), there are many, many more. A dozen of us, I confess, were, or are, teachers. Two others became politicians. [Note: One of the 14 eventually became a union organizer (See point 3 below).]
3. Illegals and their offshoots consort with known lawbreakers, rebels, and other foreigners.
How true. We did and we do. One of the original anchor children in my family hung out for several years with the most-wanted purveyor of sedition of his time (known terrorist-rebel George Washington). Another was a member of a gang of ruffians under the leadership of a foreign agent who came to this land specifically to overthrow the legal government (French agent Gilbert du Motier, AKA the Marquis de La Fayette). In the recent past, myself, my forebears and co-offshoots have been guilty of breaking laws including trespass of public property by “undesirables” and transport of “undesirables” for purposes other than commerce (various anti-segregation acts). We have also fed and provided objects of shelter to other aliens and alien offshoots, and persuaded innocent clergy and others to protest good business practices such as construction of nuclear warheads and going to war in Iraq. We just can’t seem to accept “the law” as wiser heads have defined it: you know, as in some humans being worth less than other persons, e.g. just 3/5ths as much.
4. The children of illegals take jobs belonging to others.
How true. We did and we do. Another anchor baby descendant of the same alien immigrant as myself took a job that another person might well have had. (In this case, it was the Presidency, and Herbert Hoover, my something cousin, is the alien offshoot who got the job a True American might have had. What, like you don’t have a relative you want to keep in the closet?). My most recent alien foreparent dug ditches throughout his working life in this country. That job certainly should have gone to a citizen. His children, however, wised up and took even easier routes, living off the public (school teachers), soliciting direct donations from members of the public (clergy), or living as kept women (wives bearing various-sized large litters of children).
5. Illegals and their offshoots continue to consort with aliens and hold on to their alien ways.
How true. We did and we do. Some of my illegal forebears and their anchor offshoots and grandoffshoots have not respected the importance of becoming exactly like the True Culture of the nation. Several of the original alien foreparents refused to go to war on behalf of the nation on the basis of dubious religious grounds. Others have conformed only where their own selfish interests were involved. As an example, I cite my alien foreparent who did not speak English until he was into his third decade of life, and then only to entice a fine English-speaking local female into a no doubt debauched relationship masquerading as “marriage”. Another distant cousin with whom I share alien foreparents devoted much of his adult life to fomenting relationships between Americans and aliens of many distant cultures, at public expense (William Fulbright, see 2 above)! My co-nestlings and and I have provided living assistance to alien immigrants with political and religious beliefs quite at odds with the majority of U.S. citizens, and these aliens have had children in this country – more anchor babies. At present, I associate with at least 31 adults of childbearing age whose countries of origin I will not reveal, except to say that 19 different languages are represented. When will it end?
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I suspect Tom Tancredo and his ilk will forgive my family’s trespasses, as my alien forebears immigrated at various points from 1650 through 1850. Of course, we have continued to demonstrate all the deficiencies that immigration opponents so loudly bewail. Several of us are even Democrats.
And why should there be a statute of limitations on such heinous crimes? We violated the original intent of Founding Fathers before the Founding Founders were even born. And so, anchored as we are by multiple generations of immigrant children, I see only one honorable way out. My entire family must resign our jobs, pack up and return to our countries of origin. I`ve bought the tickets on an ocean liner (several ocean liners, in fact, see 1 above). I also reserved some space in steerage for Tancredo and his alien rabble, unless, of course, he comes from a family of original heritage on the American continent. If so, he need only prove his tribal membership. As we pull out of New York harbor and wave good-bye to the restored Ellis Island, I’m sure that the true Americans will see that their gangplank is raised and secured.
Kidspeak, thanks for telling your family story, it’s important to hear voices like yours. There’s so much demonization going on that it is often forgotten how long the history spans for “anchor babies” (I despise that term, it makes me sick). You and your family have contributed so much to this country with your presence, your hard work, and it continues today with those who make the trek from all corners of the world to this country.
Ah Manee, dontcha know the families of Tancredo, Dobbs and their ilk all arrived here on the wings of an angel and were fully assimilated before the first feather could drift to the ground.
BTW, have you seen this rant?
I did a very quick look, and the the first Tancredo’s that showed up in Colorado were after 1900, and born in Italy and Sweden. Don’t have any idea about their relationship to the Congressman, as he is silent on the topic of his parents – at least on his website – though was apparently born in Colorado.
I’m sure he doesn’t want his family looked into — because their immigrant experience (like that of all four of my grandparents who came here around the turn of the 20th century) would look almost exactly like the experiences of the illegal immigrants he rails against.
that was a great rant, thanks for sharing Andi.
Are you sure those feathers aren’t of the vulture variety? 😉
We call them turkey buzzards around here — very fitting.
and I took a long time deciding to use it.
I appreciate your kind words about my historical family. However, that history has a very dark side like many other early arriving branches. Some certainly killed or drove off the indigenous residents, even if others married and otherwise consorted with the “locals”. Like many families, it is easiest to be proud of some of those early ancestors, and overlook those we displaced and disappeared as this country was built.
At any rate, I’m not planning on joining the DAR.
Great Diary, Kidspeak! All this immigrant talk just makes my nuts. We all are unless we are privileged enough to be of indigenous heritage.
Wonderful family background you have. Why, it sounds too American to be true! I can’t imagine where these nut jobs come from with their ridiculous concepts of what immigrants are. Or is it the skin tone not to their liking.
Hugs
Shirl
I am certain that skin has a lot to do with it. Where I live, far from the U.S.-Mexico border, I hear things said about Haitians, Africans, West Indians, Asians of many origins, etc. I rarely hear anything said about persons immigrating from European countries, although we have a lot of them in the SE Michigan area.
And that explains for me why Frist and his cronies are so on the right track with their felonization movement. Go get the bastards!
Like I said, you just about got it all. Except for the most important factor in this immigration brouhaha.
You’re not Mexican.
<Please don’t tell me the heavy snark escaped you.>
You are right, I’m not Mexican. Some of my family did “go to Texas” before Texas became a part of the U.S. Some married the true locals. Other cousins came with their Cherokee and Choctaw families and lived in north Texas and Oklahoma. They “crossed the border” and many of them didn’t speak the languages that were most common in Texas at the time. I don’t know all of the cultures that are there in my direct ancestors, and I don’t think that’s very important.
It is clear to me that the current harsh moves against immigrants, particularly people who cross our southwestern borders, is racist and justified on the most ludicrous grounds possible. I lived in Texas for many many years. The entire concept of anyone saying that Chicanos are aliens, foreigners, trespassers on the land, I find utterly revolting.
Good diary Kidspeak. I hate that term anchor baby but you made good use of it. If more people knew about their own heritage they’d realize we are all in the same boat (or country).
BTW, at least the Bush administration is doing its damndest to make you feel better about your relationship to Herbert Hoover.