I was literally forced into the computer world in 1990, when my boss said, “Learn it or leave!” I did not go gently, for my nightmares informed me that damned thing would somehow absorb my fingers, then my face, then the rest of me and I would be forever trapped in that little box. (too many Sci Fi films in my past)
Later, at a difficult time of having to leave the work due to disability, I discovered the internet and internet “communities.” Called forums then, they were literally a sanity saver for me, and I settled into a large one for women, and felt I had finally found a “home” in a harsh physical world that seemed to have on further use for me at all.
I was so grateful for the warm welcome, and their eagerness to accept my skills as a group facilitator and a writer. I gave that place my ALL for a very long time. I met friends there I still have and cherish.
Then it all went to hell in a hand basket. Internal conflicts all over the place, power struggles, warring divas, you name it, there it was. Like any good “family peacemaker,” I waded in up clear to my chinny-chin-chin, just positive I could help fix it all. For months, so afraid of losing my only “home” where I could belong, I lived life practically tethered to my keyboard. All for naught. The site finally went down for good. My “community”, so much of my “life” at that point in time, just went “poof, and I was devastated.
Then I found another “home” on line: this time in the recovery community, and guess what? Again I was welcomed with wide open arms, and in no time at all was given a Coordinator position and voted onto the BOD. Ahhh. Home again, in a place I belonged where I could feel useful, and wanted, and valued. Boy was I grateful. And did I ever work my buns off for almost two years, enjoying it all.
Until that is, I crossed swords with the it’s supreme guru (I never did “mind” well) and guess who ended up on the curb, once again, burned out, pissed to the max, and once again “homeless.”
Ok, I learn slowly, and hearly alwasys the hardest way possible, but eventually, I DO learn, and finally saw there was a need for a life in the 3D world, in addition to life online, and spent some time building one. I maintaied at a healthy emotional distance from any online community over involvement for quite awhile.
But then, I discovered a big liberal political blog, and thought for certain I’d died and gone to some kind of cyber heaven! NEVER had I see so many “like others”: people who felt like I did about the state of our nation. So, forgetting all the hard lessons learned, once again , my yearning to “belong” led me straight into another (subconscious) emotional over- attachment.
That “awakening” REALLY stung hard, and hit some very vulnerable scar tissue, when I was forced face to face with the harsh reality that so many of my trusted liberal brothers weren’t all that different from the other kind, and I really was only welcome there as long as I stayed in my reassigned “pew.”
OK. That REALLY was the last straw for this ol gal, in terms of believing in the illusion of online “community” as any kind of permanent place for ME. Three times and out!
I have very much enjoyed my time this particular pond place so far, and have written extensively about why I found it such a pleasant place to be. So many wonderful people I have come to know, through their contributions over time. I have learned much from you all, and hope to learn and share even more as time goes on. You have all made me feel welcome and valued on this website and in your midst.
But now I view `community sites” such as this more as meeting places, than a potential permanent community for myself. I hand out at community blogs as if they were meeting places where I can find others I can relate with, learn from, share with for as long as I want to stay. I usually choose to hang around awhile anywhere I can find stimulating, constructive discussions and interactions on issues that concern us all so much now. I like exchanging positive and constructive energies and info with good people in ways that just might actually do some GOOD in the larger world in time.
I just can’t do that if I get emotionally invested and embroiled in community conflicts, and there are ALWAYS going to be those, in all communities everywhere.
I like finally understanding that for me anyway, “community” is not a “place” or any one community website. It is a state of being “one with” like others. on the non material plane internally, in my own heart spaces and theirs.
My own form of community is getting larger all the time, and it is full of those special others I have met and bonded with from all sorts of URL locations over the years. Some of you have settled permanently here at Boo, some in other online communities, where I know where to find you . Others, like me, tend to roam around hither and yon. where we often meet up at wonderful unexpected times. ( Cyber-gypsies of a sort? Itinerant bloggers? )
My clue as to when I need to make some space between myself and any particular online community for awhile, is when I begin to become over -invested emotionally, in whatever the current whitewater may be. When that old desire to “fix things” or “change how people feel” becomes somewhat of an emotional compulsion, it’s time. When I start feeling like I need to “convince” someone to stay, or to take sides between people fighting with each other, I’ve become too over-invested again, for my own good.
I am not saying anything negative here about the benefits of blog communities like BooTrib or about those who DO embrace them as “true community” for themselves. I love seeing this in action, and watching the warmth and sense of belongingness flow around places like the ol Froggy Bottom, and on the threads, bringing folks closer together.
It’s a bit harder to see and sense the pain some people feel so often, however, when something goes haywire, because I also know how badly that can hurt. Hard lessons usually do sting pretty bad for awhile, and we all have our share to master. I think that’s really ok, if difficult, as long as they’re “growing” pains.
What absolutely astonishes me is that with ONLY the written word, ( without any of the other 60% of the (non verbal) communication cues we get in face to face contact,) that everyone does SO WELL in being able to communicate enough TO form communities and to bond up with each other as we do! Says a lot about what is missing, and what we need to do more of, and how able to do so we really ARE, even if limited mediums like this.
For me, it’s all about taking responsibility for balancing my own life, overall. (Not yours or anyone else’s either, just mine!) I’d say I need at least a 70/30 distribution of my life energy, with 70% of my life lived out in my face to face world and face to face reltionships with others, and no more than 30% lived out in my online world. I admit this is not always easy to maintain, but easier when I remain aware of the addictive qualities of the internet. (for me) Then I can use my tried and true recovery maintenance tools…like the old self-awareness switch kept firmly in the “on” position! And so we each go “Onward”, on our own unique paths to learning whatever we need to learn, finding heart-mates all along the way.
