to my fellow Trib-Tribers, Pond Wonks, and et al. That I’m back an owe a little explanation. Those of you who know me know about my PTSD and subsequent depression and alcoholism and know that I’ve been sober since last summer. You know because someone else posted a similar diary that I read, which shook me out of denial and I’ve commented on it.
Well, fell off the wagon on New Years, and real hard too. I had my very first visual flashback (obviously the alcohol helped with the trigger). I woke up in the morning strapped to a bed in the klinik I was at last year. Since I am in Germany, the judge had the legal right and put me the clinic for a week (Jesus! I was COMMITTED!!!!!). After that week, I volunteered to stay for therapy for four months. It was a great way to enforce my resolution.
My God, what a difference without the news, political lies, and the whole world just going to hell. Just the quiet of a sanatorium in the German mountains, think Thomas Mann’s “The Magic Mountain”. I was in the PTSD station with mostly people who were affected as victims of rape, child abuse, etc. I did, however, make a good friend with a young man who was a Kosovo Albanian and had been fighting since he was ten. For us it was a little different as we were both victim and perpetrator. Funny thing about the Germans, they really don’t have a lot of experience with war induced PTSD – they really don’t like wars at all and try to stay out of them, at least since that last bad experience. The therapy really helped…
In fact, not only am I alcohol free, but also NICOTINE free and dysfunctional girlfriend free! The only addiction left is coffee! I haven’t been depressed in a month nor have I been on medication for a month. The nightmares are seldom and I developed techniques to deal with the disassociation.
Man! I can’t remember ever feeling this good. It’s spring! It’s RUTTING season! My 40th is next month! And life is really good!
I’m going to get out there and start living it again!
