In case you missed it, I watched it and wrote it all down…

Got back a little late from going out to some grub and we missed the entry of the people down the faux red carpet. But we did get back in time to see the introduction of the people up at the dais. The new guy elected to the board of the White House Correspondent’s Dinner got no applause. The photographer from the NY Times Doug Mills got no applause. Then Tony Snow and some other FAUX News guy got a huge applause. So did outgoing Press Secretary Flounder. On the other side of the dais was Helen Thomas who got some nice applause and then it was Stephen Colbert who got up and pointed at the crowd and did that gun with the fingers thing, hilarious. Classic Colbert. Then they introduced Laura, and the hilarious speech from last year.

Then they broke for the dinner portion and they’re showing archival clips starting off with Laura Bush’s speech from last year.

From Laura’s speech in 2005:

  • Oh the milking the horse joke
  • George’s solution to anything on the ranch is to cut it down with a chainsaw

Lawrence Fishbourne is in the crowd at table 156.

Now footage of Bill Clinton’s 2000 speech:

  • Jay Leno was the emcee there?!
  • Good god he’s a good public speaker. Oh I miss this guy.
  • Joking about how the Repugs only had 7 more months to persecute him. Joking about how he lost 10lbs in the last 2 months. Where did they go? Why can’t he produce them? Why did some of them end up on Tim Russert?
  • Talking about polisihing up his resume for later. Served 3 terms as President — everybody embellishes a little bit! Designed, built and painted bridge to 21st century. Oversaw Veep’s building of the internet
  • The hilarious video of the last few months in the emptying White House with Bill walking through the empty White House. Doing the laundry in the basement. Skinny Al Gore giving advice for the future. Intern making copies of his face. Dollar bill not working in the vending machine. Playing Battleship in the Situation Room. Makes joke about Al Gore making the next WHCAD speech and afraid that he’d be better than him.

Now they’re showing the faux red carpet stuff from earlier! Being played back in full later on.

  • Why was Phil Simms there?
  • Ed Helms in the house!
  • Philly’s John Legend enters and vogues for the cameras
  • Henry Kissinger comes stag
  • Andrea Mitchell sans Alan Greenspan
  • Ken Mehlman looking like he was arguing with a reporter

Now W’s first WHCAD from 2001:

  • Starts off with a slideshow of old family photos. Ugh.
  • So stiff.

Now Bill’s first WHCD speech from 1993:

  • Hair darker. Voice not as raspy.
  • Going after just about every media person and outlets in the room. Talking about the first 100 days grades. Andrea Mitchell and Brit Hume saying Bill talks too much; at the same time. Rush Limbaugh calling him too fat. The WSJ criticizing his economic plan… Jokes that Harrison, at this point, was already dead for 68 days.
  • Taking about how important the Freedom of the Press is as they must keep the President in check as the President has so much power they are more apt to abuse it — wow, that’s refreshing

More faux red carpet!

  • Helen Thomas striking some funny ass poses
  • Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame? I don’t remember ever seeing her before.
  • My fav: John McLaughlin! What a hoot
  • Big Ben Roethlisberger in the house — Wolf Blitzer’s guest
  • Ludacris walks in?!?! Whaaaa? On a side note, my college friend and roommate knew him back in the ATL simply as Chris… waaaay back in the day when he was a humble radio DJ

A tour of the White House Press Corps rooms. Wow, they’re shitty. They’re getting new digs. Water damage, metal rods crashing into the CNN booth downstairs. Three or four to a booth which looks about 10’x5’x8′ — it would probably fetch $1000 in NYC.

10.21p, 16 minutes late so far. W takes the stage with a double, you could say, a dummy W. Some scary makeup on him. Dummy W brings up the 36% approval rating. Brings up Dick shooting teh 78 year old and admits it was wrong to report it so late. Dummy W says Dick was drunk as a skunk off of 1 beer. Mehlman is yukking it up like a complete fuckwad. The Dummy W is Steve Bridges. W jokes that Steve was the one doing the debates with Kerry. Cut to Karl Rove and his flesh colored row. Ends it wit god bless the troops, duh.

Colbert takes the podium!!! He’s right in character. They’re not laughing so much. Do they not get him? Uses my favorite “Look it up” line. Look it up. A touchy joke about the Chinese making our Happy Meals possible. Brings up the more recent 32% rating poll and that the numbers are of people living in “reality” tainted by liberals. Completely muffs an analogy joke with the glass half empty and it actually beint 2/3 empty, don’t drink the rest of the water, it’s mostly backwash. Stephen believes in W because not only does he stand for things, but he stands on things like rubble, aircraft carriers, recently flooded cities… W believes the same thing Wednesday as he did on Monday, no matter what happened on Tuesday. FAUX News reports both sides: the President’s side and the Vice President’s side. Tells the liberal media to follow FAUX News and not report: the President decides the news, the Press Secretary tells the press and the press types it out; spell check and you’re done! Calls out Jesse Jackson in the audience and says interviewing him is like boxing a glacier and tells the crowd to remember that one for the children as they won’t know what a glacier is. Says hi to Antonin Scalia and gives him a Sacilian hello, oh man that was fucking hilarious. Says hi to that maverick John McCain asks what kind of a fork he used for his salad, surely it wasn’t a salad, most likely a spoon. Says hi to Joe Wilson and his wife Valerie Plame and then corrects himself and says hello to Joe Wilson and Joe Wilson’s wife – closeup of Joe and Valerie and Valerie’s turkeys are done. Stephen Colbert plays an audition tape for Press Secretary. And that’s a wrap.

Anyone else watch this thing on a Saturday night on C-SPAN?

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