Senators Santorum and Lieberman displaying deadly Iraqi mustard cannister
Washington, DC (Rotters) – After being rebuffed by the press yesterday for disclosing a two-month old report on the Army’s continued destruction of deteriorated pre-1991 munitions containing evidence of mustard gas and sarin, Pennsylvania Republican Senator Rick Santorum accompanied by Connecticut Democratic Senator Joe Lieberman, as a sign of bipartisan support, produced one of the actual recovered canisters at a follow up press conference this morning. Santorum and Lieberman went on to reiterate that this was clearly evidence of the existence of weapons of mass destruction prior to the invasion of Iraq, therefore justifying the Bush administration’s actions.
“We have also clearly been able to discern that there was indeed a French connection involved in Saddam Hussein’s WMD development program after all.” stated Santorum. “We must support the president and our troops on the ground until their original mission is fulfilled and all of Iraq is free from the threat of mustard gas and saffron.”
“There is a story circulating that these canisters are largely empty or that the contents are no longer potent and long since expired,” stated Senator Lieberman. “This is a dangerous assumption to be making. As you can see, on this particular canister, it is clearly marked that the contents will remain potent through 2008.”
“We have further evidence,” continued Santorum,” that the insurgency in Iraq has been clandestinely hording stockpiles in refrigerated devices throughout the country, perhaps waiting for the right moment to spring a lethal trap. Our independent investigators have also concluded that this particular type of mustard as it deteriorates actually produces a far more noxious compound than the original.”
The White House refused comment on Santorum and Lieberman’s presentation, stating only that it relished the support from the two. White House sources stated that the president may have something to say on the issue after his return from Europe later today, but for now they were merely playing catsup on the story.
Critics immediately blasted Santorum and accused him of hot dogging for the press. Liberal blogs across the Internet seized upon Lieberman’s support for the story and began referring to him as “Joe Condimentum” in anger and frustration.
