On Fridays, other people cat blog. I have no idea why. I probably paid less attention to my cats on Friday than any other day. Here at the pond, I focus on frivolity. It’s hard to engage in frivolity when CNN is saying Armageddon is scheduled for next Tuesday and my inbox is filled with disgruntled email. But here goes:
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Damn!Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. a bad skydiver goes damn, whack.What goes clop, clop, clop, bang,bang,clop clop clop?
An amish drive-by shooting.How are a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.
Whaddya you got?
Oh man! thanks for that!! i love silly jokes. 🙂
she has been sharing these Hockey Haikus with others. Here’s her latest from this week:
mad hockey haiku kitty
summer time is here
the zamboni sits waiting
hurry up hockey!
Hurry up is right … 🙂 That looks like one po’ed kitty.
Thanks (((O)))
That’s not our Kitty btw. But a reasonable CATsimile. Kitty gets just as psychotic and does the old Owl Ear look.
She does watch hockey with us though. 🙂
Oh Man how I love that cat…I hope you remember how much I love cats..well, cats and dogs…
also, if you are rooting for any progressive candidates to win office this year (local, state, national) please let Kid Oakland know about it.
Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallows?
Cause he wanted sticky buns.
Ha! I’m teaching that one to my kids! 🙂
Quickies:
Quickies are GOOOOD for what ails ya 🙂
Cat blogging? Pffffft
The basset hound remains unimpressed.
I’m terrible with jokes so I won’t even try.
But I have a couple of movie recommendations for you. The first is frivilous indeed. I just saw a screening of Woody Allen’s latest, “Scoop”, starring Hugh Jackman* and Scarlett Johansson. The film is about as silly as they come, from premise to conclusion. But it was fun to just sit and giggle for a couple of hours. I surely needed that!
The other film I saw this week was one that won’t open until August – called “The Illusionist.” It was fantastic. Defitely see it before you read a reviews, as it is about a magician and a mystery, and you don’t want any tricks or hints given away by the reviews. It’s much more fun to learn things as they come.
*Re Jackman – I’ll share a little anecdote. When I was working on the Dean campaign 2003-2004, I was up in Vermont, meaning, I was only an hour flight from NYC. I went to the city on New Year’s eve to see Hugh Jackman for a second time in “The Boy From Oz” (I’ve always loved Peter Allen’s music anyway, and I also saw “Wicked” for a second time, so I wasn’t going only to see Hugh.)
After intermission, Hugh always did a riff with the audience, picking out someone and having them dance with him, from their seat, of course. I was sitting with a bunch of gay guys who assured me he was going to pick one of them to dance with. But I had just had a birthday, I was working my bleeding heart out to save Democracy, and I felt I had a chance. So when the time came, I was disappointed, because a couple of people stood up at the end of the music and held up a bottle of Champagne. Darn. They have it, I thought. They reached across the orchestra pit, long-limbed Hugh on his stomach to reach back. As he took the bottle and thanked them, he said, “Now where was I?”
I screamed out, “You were about to come dance with ME!”
He looked over, grinned, trotted over and said “put a light on that woman”. Suddenly I was in the spotlight! I was shaking. I was torn between how cool it was to be addressed directly by Hugh, and how embarassing it was to be spotlighted as the loud mouthed broad in the audience. He started to dance, and motioned for me to take off my jacket, which I did. Anyway – we had a fun moment together – him making jokes, me trying to dance from my seat, and him just looking me in the eyes with that penetrating gaze of his. It was really quite something. Afterwards, the gay guys were all excited for me. ;-D And just before the final number, as his character was summing up what he’d learned in life, he shot a look my way and said, “Right, Lisa?” How cool is that? He said I should come backstage after the show, which I did, and he autographed the towel he wore around his neck in the final number. He threw it to me, and I went out back and got him to sign it. It was definitely a New Years Eve to remember!
Thanks, I needed that.
Burning Monkey Solitare:
Q. Why don’t blind people skydive?
A. Because it scares the dog.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
Q. How do you catch a unique monkey?
A. Unique up on it.
Q. How do you catch a tame monkey?
A. Tame way, unique up on it.
q: Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?
a: Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan…
<groan>
is filled with Viagra ads. Like I need that.
I got sangria in hand and hip hop on the radio. Other than that, nothing.
Yours too!? I get viagra ads and penis enlargement offers… 🙂
You know, when’s someone gonna send me spam with a solution to doing laundry? Now that would be useful.
😉
Beware emails from a Nudist Colony asking you to help them bank accounts! 🙂
from W at the end of the world??
http://www.tierradelfuego.org.ar/webcam/anteriores.php?imagen=20060719-01
The Mel Famie Joke.
Being from where I was born, and with a grandfather such as I had, I am compelled – yes COMPELLED to share with you the Mel Famie joke.
Please bear in mind that you are getting off easy – this text version is somewhat abbreviated -a PROPER telling would involve much pantomime, repetition and take anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes.
I’ve seen it take 40. And DON’T ask about the suit joke – you don’t have that much time. Trust me.
——–
There once was a fantastic all-star caliber pitcher named Mel Famie. He was simply a great pitcher, a 0.45 ERA, and averaged 1.6 SO’s per inning! We he was ready to play it was lights out for the other team.
He did have one flaw though, he liked to sneak a six pack or two into the bullpen during games on those days when he thought he’d not be called in. Today the games in Olde Milwaulkee and he’s going to town.
It is the bottom of the ninth, the game is tied at 0-0. Mel had started on his beer about the sixth inning, figuring that he wouldn’t be used. One, two, three, four, the cans go by. By now, Mel is feeling a bit heated. The pitcher suddenly gets a cramp in his arm and can’t continue. The coach calls Mel to the mound to relieve him.
Mel quickly stuffs his beer can into his back pocket, and gets out there. His first batter comes up…BALL ONE! The ump yells. Soon the count is full, and sure enough, Mel loses him. The next batter comes up…Mel has him at 0-2, but then throws four straight balls and walks him too. The coach wants to pull him, but Mel snows him into leaving him in. Mel strikes out the next batter with three straight fastballs.
So, Mel feels confident and sneaks the beer out of his pocket, and sucks the whole thing down, and slyly drops the can behind the mound. He faces his next batter…and can barely see the plate. He throws a ball just a bit outside, and then a strike. Then three more balls in a row. Now the bases are loaded, and only one out, but Mel somehow convinces the coach he can throw a double play ball. He gets the count to 2-2, then 3-2, and then he throws a curveball wide for ball four, walking in the winning run.
One of the Brewer’s players quickly runs out behind the mound and picks up the discarded beer can. One of his teammates says “What on earth do you want that thing for?”
To which he replies, “Don’t you know?
This is the beer that made Mel Famie walk us!
That is SOOOOOOO Bad, words fail me.
So have you heard the one about the guy with the wold’s most expensive Coo-Coo Clock? One day it stopped going Tic-Tock like it was supposed to and only went Tic-Tic. Lucky for the owner, the lifetime warranty was still in effect. So he made the long trek to the factory in Germany (the black forest actually) where he met the clock companies best repairman. Having been shown the offending clock, the repairman (Mr Kruger, if you need to know) asked the owner to stand back and be very quiet. He then pulled a Luger pistol out of his tool-case and pointed it at the clock. Then he said, (I know, the suspense is killing you) “you know clock, we have ways to make you Tock!”
Your Honor
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 75?
Senator
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Congressman/woman
GDW…my man it is great to see ya again..hows things going? missed ya…hugs…hope the family is doing well….and you too….:o)
doing ok, some therapy and my family help me overcome the latest bout with PTSD, I have some progressives in my state to work for and hopefully kick that asshat Ryun out of the House and a couple of asshats out of the county commissioners office here where I live. My family is awesome and I now work a mere 5 minute walk from my home, no more commuting for me. I spend the extra 3 hours in the morning with my children and get home at 6:05 pm instead of 7:05 pm. My wife is up for a great promotion at work and life is getting better for us. I work at making my country better one person at a time. It is all I can do and I have faith that we can make America a far better country than it currently is under the fascists.
I hope you are well and doing fine.
It IS good to see you here, and to know that life has been good to you!
This has been one hellalous week for me. Saving lives can really be hard work..:o)>>>>>snark. You must know I love my job or else I would have stopped it long ago. My health is holding out so I can say things are going well for me. Every day counts now to make a difference in things….The dr I work with has been bugging the life out of me to go with him to SA for one year to help him get start in practice there…I looked at him squarely in the eyes and said..”HELL NO, I WANT TO LIVE A FEW MORE YEARS, IF YOU DONT MIND”…:o), besides it is tooooooo damn hot there…and I prefer to drive myself around, if you don’t mind..:o) I prefer to wear regular clothes instead of a black coat all the time to cover me up, then I said that might not be such a bad idea..but no still don’t think so….:o)
He said I could make a shit load of money tax fee, and I said well that takes out of the equation that one just has to die then in stead of die and pay taxes, like that is what we here in the US of A do….what a hoot this man is…right???!!!
Anyhow, am so very glad to see you here…an so glad you are on the right track…I almost slipped off the even keel the other day myself…had to step back and regroup..hugs GDW
That is great to hear, GDW.
always a pleasure to see you here, friend. paz
What do you call a village idiot with an IQ of 35?
President GWB
nurses call the shots
Subject: Pastor’s ass
A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so
pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it
won again.
The local newspaper read:
PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local newspaper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get
rid
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES…HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day….
The moral of the story is…. Being concerned about public opinion
can
bring you much grief and misery … and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life….. You’ll be a lot happier and live
longer!
That was truly funny. Giggling loudly here!!
I thought cat blogging started with Kevin Drum when he wrote CalPundit. Then it stopped when he moved over to Washington Monthly and others picked it up.
Detroit Free Press
RI has a new link…the one here is frozen.
http://rigint.blogspot.com/
…Booman could you change it?
Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Let’s go play outside.
How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb??
If their good, only one. But the bulb has to want to change!
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That’s okay, I’ll just sit here in the dark…
VIA AN EMAIL I RECIEVED TODAY: just toooo funny…:o)
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s
world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain
name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks.
Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following
(legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and
services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough
consideration:
1. A site called ‘Who Represents’ where you can find the name of the
agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it…
is http://www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at http://www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
http://www.penisland.net
http://www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New
South Wales: http://www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
http://www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
http://www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website: http://www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
http://www.gotahoe.com
“History is ruthless, and will never flatter anybody.”
Zhou Enlai