We are not having enough babies.
You heard me – I’m talking to you. And you.
Things are looking bleak for Democrats unless we get busy getting busy and start producing more Democrats. Story
“The political right is having a lot more kids than the political left,” Syracuse University professor Arthur Brooks says. “The gap is actually 41 percent.”
Now, I’m no mathematician, but the way I understand it we Democrats and progressives are not keeping up with the right wingers in the fertility department, and we actively support policies such as abortion rights and marriage equality which naturally stifle the production of offspring.
I want you to know that I have done everything in my power to rectify this situation but you childless liberals out there are going to have to start pulling your weight. I’ve got four kids, every one of them a bleeding heart liberal, but I can only make up for, at most, 2 of you selfish people who have decided not to spawn.
C’mon you people – minivans are cool, I swear. And saggy boobs can be fixed for $8,000 – yes, I checked. And I can tell you from experience that This End Up furniture is indestructable and no matter how many times your child jumps or vomits on it, it will be around long after you’re dead. The leather furniture can wait. The sleek little car can too.
All you little ladies get your church dresses on with the shoulder pads and the big lace collars and submit to your husbands as the good Lord intended.
The future of progressive politics is at stake!