Back on September 22, 2004 I did a diary at Daily Kos called TOP 50 Republican Douchebags. It was inspired by Jon Stewart’s ongoing gag where he continually referred to Robert Novak as a douchebag of liberty. After getting some feedback from women, and some men, I decided to stop using the word ‘douchebag’ as a term of derision. I got a lot more education during the pie wars about how language should be considered carefully. And, in some ways, I’d like to forget that I ever wrote that diary. But, the main point of the diary was not to call people names, rather it was to identify the 50 worst people involved in the GOP at that time. And if we go back and look at the list, it’s amazing what has happened to them in the intervening 3 years. So, at the risk of receiving renewed criticism for using inappropriate language, I bring you the 50 biggest losers of the GOP from September 2004.
Each loser has a link explaining why they were included. Some of them may no longer be active.
1. Robert “Bob” Novak TRAITOR. Novak lost his job at CNN after losing his temper on the set.
2. George “Dubya” Bush CHIMP. Bush is at an all time low in the polls.
3. Richard “Dick” Cheney PUPPY KILLER. Shot a man in the face.
4. Tom DeLay BUG KILLER. Indicted and resigned.
5. John Ashcroft CROONER. Replaced as Attorney General.
6. Denny Hastert PIG WRESTLER. PederastGate.
7. Douglas Feith TRAITOR. Posterboy for the fixing of intelligence.
8. Ann Coulter THE POSTER CHILD FOR THALIDOMIDE. Routinely booed and harrassed on college campuses.
9. Rush Limbaugh BIG FAT IDIOT. Busted for using more painkillers than a Kentucky Derby racehorse.
10. Bill O’Leilly BIG BLOTCHY BULLY. Falafel.
11. Rick Santorum MAN ON DOG. Now synonymous with the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. About to lose his Senate seat.
12. Karl Rove GOEBBELS. Barely escaped prosecution for Plamegate, demoted, about to lose the House.
13. Zell Miller BENEDICT ARNOLD. Lost his shit on national television. No longer in office.
14. Sean Hannity LYING SCUM. Still kicking. Increasingly seen as a loser. Losing ratings to Olbermann.
15. Jerry Falwell BLAMES AMERICA FIRST, REALLY REALLY FIRST. Nothing’s changed. Not really.
16. Pat Robertson AGREES WITH FALWELL. Nothing’s changed. Not really.
17. Richard Perle CONRAD BLACK’S BUTT BUDDY. Now irrelevent.
18. Clarence Thomas SLAP THIS IN THE VCR, OR WAS IT A BETA?. Still a menace.
19. Katherine Harris WICKED WITCH OF SARASOTA. About to be trounced in her Senate race. Has gone insane.
20. Newt Gingrich I CAN’T BE WITH A WOMAN WHO HAS CANCER. Trying to reform his image for a Presidential run.
21. Ralph Reed DRUNK FRAT-BOY HYPOCRITE, SOUND FAMILIAR?. Embroiled in the Abramoff scandal.
22. Phyllis Schafly UBER-BITCH. Strangely quite as of late.
23. Sen. Jim Inhofe OUTRAGED BY THE OUTRAGE. Still in the Senate. Still nuts.
24. Rep. Marilyn Musgrave GAYS ARE TERRORISTS. Struggling to get re-elected.
25. Condoleezza Rice YES SIR, IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE A TERRIBLE PILOT. Now at the State Department. Currently enduring humiliating ineffectiveness.
26. Fred Barnes OOPS, I LIED AGAIN. Still a loser.
27. William “Bill” Bennett MORALS CZAR WITH A GAMBLING PROBLEM. Never recovered.
28. Rupert Murdoch WHAT’S WORSE? MY NEWS CHANNEL, OR MY FALL LINEUP?. Losing market share.
29. Donald Rumsfeld DEAD ENDER. Now universally seen as a political liability and a failure.
30. William Rehnquist I PROMISE NOT TO SELL MY HOUSES TO JEWS. Passed away.
31. Alan Keyes IS MAKING SENSE?. Was crushed by Barack Obama. Now invisible.
32. Ollie North I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT LYING TO CONGRESS, I THINK I’LL RUN FOR A SENATE SEAT. Now invisible.
33. Lynn Cheney PORNOGRAPHER. Husband shot someone in the face. Invisible.
34. Scooter Libby TRAITOR. Indicted.
35. Paul Wolfowitz THIS WAR WILL COST 1 OR 2 BILLION, TOPS. Quietly doing evil. Totally discredited.
36. Jeb Bush JEB TO BLACKS, “DROP DEAD”. Career coming to an end.
37. William Safire KERRY SOLD ANTHRAX TO OSAMA. Quietly shit-canned from the New York Times.
38. Antonin Scalia CLIMBING STAIRS IS GOOD EXERCISE FOR THE HANDICAPPED. Still there, still evil.
39. William “Bill” Kristol I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO TEL AVIV…. Totally discredited. Increasingly irrelevant.
40. Rev. James Dobson JUST READ HIS COLUMNS. FoleyGate makes him look foolish and unprincipled.
41. Trent Lott RACIST CHEERLEADER. Now a backbencher.
42. Sen. Jon Kyl DIMMEST BULB IN THE SENATE. Reelection is not assured.
43. Kate O’Bierne CAN YOU SAY “BIATCH”?. Husband exposed as a total incompetent crony idiot in Iraq. Looking more and more ridiculous.
44. Pat Buchanan HOLOCAUST? WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?. Now almost univerally seen as a xenophobe and a racist. Still loved by MSNBC.
45. Porter Goss HIT MAN. Fired as DCI.
46. Rep. Henry Hyde MY ADULTERY GOOD, YOUR ADULTERY BAD. Retiring. Seat looks like it might go to a Democrat.
47. Bob Dole IT WAS JUST 3 SCRATCHES. Wife presiding over implosion in the Senate.
48. Neil Kavuto ENORMOUS HEAD. Who?
49. Rep. Heather Wilson NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN MY NIPPLES. About to lose her seat to Patricia Madrid.
50. Michelle Malken A PRIME CANDIDATE FOR BEHEADING J/K. Now seen as the most hate-filled commentator in America.
