As the last hours and minutes tick down before Election Day, we present a snarky smattering of the latest in Republican talking points:
Tony Snow-job: “Our records indicate that just 46 civilians were killed yesterday in Iraq, down from 68 the day before and 81 before that. See! This is proof positive that we are winning. Case closed.”
Dick Sureshot Cheney: “Things in Iraq are going just swimmingly for almost everyone. I guess that is except for that large number of corpses found floating face down in the Tigris River yesterday.”
George Chimpy Bush: “See, the Democrats, well, here’s their plan for dealing with terrorism. Yes, they do want to get Osama bin-Laden but they want to give him a time out in the corner and then ask him if he’s really ready to change. This means your fate and that of your family should continue to be placed in the strong arms of the Republicans, or else. A vote for the Democrats is a vote for bayoneting babies, smothering puppies and barbequeing fetuses. Now, that brings me to another concern. It’s too bad that my opponents have decided to take the low road and be so negative. Why the rancor?”
Condi Ferragamo’s Rice: Isn’t is remarkable how the Iraqi people have stood up. I consider this a benchmark moment in time, where the Iraqi people are taking control of their own destiny. The Shia have stood up and are slaughtering the Sunnis and the Sunnis are giving it right back to the Shia with one massacre after another. The Iraqis are taking lives into their own hands. This, lo and behold, is sovereignty”
Rush Limbaugh: “The Dems and their pathetic poster boy cripple Michael J. Fox all just want to whine. Talk about cruising for tea and sympathy. Vote Republican and make Fox-man sing and dance yet another verse of ‘shake, rattle and roll.’ Now, to my learned listeners out there, tell me, what do you get when you combine OxyContin and Viagra? Well, you know all about Hollywood. Here’s to Hillbillywood.”
Donald Studmuffin Rumsfeld: “Hey, stuff happens, free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things. Democracy’s untidy. True, Iraqis now have to walk over blown apart bits of corpses but that’s a freedom they weren’t able to enjoy under Saddam Hussein.”
Michael Disaster Is My Middle Name Brown: “There is absolutely no truth to the despicable rumor that my favorite band is Katrina and the Waves.
