This was originally posted as a reply to Booman’s post Carville and Thoughts on 2008, which was about James Carville’s self-serving predictions vis à vis the ’08 race. Self-serving because Jimmy the Skull has already transitioned from Roveish pol hustler to network talking head/celeb. Any blah-blah-blah will do. From Hollywood Tonight to DC Today. Same shit, different assholes. Nature abhors a vacuum and network nature abhors dead air. Why a talking head? Because it pays better and it is much, MUCH easier. Any asshole can be a talking head. It takes WORK to be a campaign asshole.
Carville on Hillary Clinton’s potential campaign: “I don’t think I’m going to work on it, but I’ll be helpful where I can.”
Riiiiiight…..
He’ll be helpful.
He’ll be spinning on TV.
What follows are my predictions regarding the ’08 Pres campaigns. The only part I am not sure about is Jeb. His future depends on how badly Butch W. fucks up in the next year or so. If not Jeb then some other space filler.
But Newt, Hillary and B.O.?
Yup.
Bet on it.
Read on.
’08?
My bet?
Gingrich vs. Clinton.
Remember…you read it first here.
Clinton wins in a in a close election.
Why Clinton?
Because she has the Dem nomination locked up.
Already.
Bought and sold.
Bet on it.
She has the convention all planned out. She has already hired the decorators. She knows the fabric she wants for the curtains, has her acceptance speech written and the first six moves of the campaign mapped out. Grandmaster chess, political style. (It’s a gift. It’s genetic. Like Mozart or Bobby Fischer. Bet on it.) Only a successful Dean-ish run could take her down. And the Arrrrrgh!!! press would take care of THAT sort of anomaly. Just like it did in ’04. Bet on THAT as well. Besides…who out there is ready to even ATTEMPT that sort of thing after seeing what happened to Dean? Feingold took a look and wanted no part of it. Dean has no eyes. So who? Nobody, that’s who. Hillary in ’08. Gore? Get real. Talking head v.2. Too hard to stay thin enough to win. The Carville syndrome redux, except that Gore already HAS enough money. By ’08 he’ll look more like Howard Taft than Bill Clinton. Sorry. That’s the way it is.
Probably with Obama as VP.
Why Obama?
Hillary won’t lose any votes with B.O. that she would not have lost anyway, and she will gain a HUGE minority and youth vote.
Hillary’s momma didn’t raise no dummies.
Watch.
And learn.
Big league politics.
Young voters and minorities…two groups that tend to not show up in great numbers unless really interested.
Add the female vote…Hillary’s da man.
Or woman.
Whatever.
And Gingrich?
Giuliani has zero class. Horse players have a saying. “Class tells.” Yup. He’s a front-runner. A nag. He’ll fold. He is ALREADY Keriked out of contention, really, but he is too stupid and too egocentric to realize it. He will wage a NASTY primary campaign…he’s Nixon without the effective slyness…and McCain will respond in kind.
Only McCain is old. And sick. Bet on it. And he will fuck up.
I mean…LOOK at him, fer Chrissake!!!
How long do you think he will be able to insist on photo ops that come at him only from his right side?
He’s got something growing on the left side of his face that is some kind of WORLD CLASS tumor. Looks like a squirrel carrying a walnut. He is already outta here.
9/11 Rudy and Hanoi Hilton John will cancel each other out and leave Newt the Slick still standing.
Newt will be the only Ratpub pol remaining that can rally the base. The white, conservative, Christian, stupid-like-a-motherfucker base. A good 30+% of the voting electorate. Not a bad start. He’ll win the nomination. On the numbers.
That’s ANOTHER good bet.
His VP?
Baby Bush, of course. (Provided W. doesn’t totally crash and burn first. Come running out on the White House lawn some fine sunny day half naked with a hardon and a snoot full of cocaine and anti-ADD pills, jabbering away about how beautiful our young boys are and killin’ gooks an’ ragheads an’ such. It could happen, ya know. He is ALWAYS just one razor chop away from a total meltdown. Lucky they got that toy red button installed before he hit the real thing. Ain’t it?) Newt will make THAT deal in a heartbeat (Newts have very quick heartbeats, y’know. Them as has hearts, of course…) if it gives him a few percentage points in the polls and endears him to the James Baker/Poppy Bush brigade.
By the way…did you know that newts have extremely poisonous body secretions?
Yup.
Especially the orange-bellied, rough-skinned ones. No WONDER Gingrich never shows up topless or without makeup.
Every known mammal spits them out instantly — except men in bars who have been drinking heavily. A 29-year-old from Oregon went into a bar July 9, 1979, and, on a bet, swallowed a rough-skinned newt. He was dead before the day was out.
No known antidote exists for a newt’s poison, packed by both juveniles and adults in glands in their skin, and even their eggs.
The poison is tetrodotoxin, or TTX, and is found in Japanese puffer fish and some species of South American frogs.
I can see it now.
Newt, Giuliani and McCain show up for their first debate. They all shake hands, and within minutes Giuliani and McCain have the cold shakes and jabbers while Newt speaks perfectly well, forked tongue and all.
Meanwhile, Hillary’s got it all figured out and in HER debates with the Newt wears so much makeup and hand cream that Newt’s poison doesn’t even TOUCH her.
Yup.
Them reptilians sho’ do got some sense of humor, don’t they, Zeke!!!???
Yup.
I’m ‘a think like I’m ‘a gonna to die laughing!!!
Yup.
I’m ‘a think like I’m ‘a gonna to puke.
Later…
AG
Snark?
Not hardly.
TRUE snark, maybe…
Later…
AG
Newt’s VP? He’ll be so desperate to give himself a chance that he’ll have to do something bold. Condi Rice fits his kind of thinking. He’ll drape himself in black-womanishness and think it will make blacks and women vote for him. It’ll soften him up.
But that ticket might just lost 48 states.
What, no Mitt Romney? And he’s attempting to look so, umm, presidential these days.
“Ahhh,,,yer daddy built Ramblers.”
“And lost to Rigid Richid Nixon.”
No more need be said about ol’ Mitt.
Not a chance.
AG
I love the way you tell it like it is, Arthur…
Thank you.
I try…
AG
I don’t think McCain has a tumour. He is showing all the signs of Bell’s Palsey which involves the loss of muscle function on one side of the face. The downturned mouth and hooded eye are classic signs (I have had two episodes and sometimes have that effect when very tired as the muscle tone on one side is much less)
It can be caused by a number of factors and at McCain’s age it could be the result of a minor stroke. Other causes include a version of the herpes virus or other infection affecting the ear channel through which the nerves pass. A surprisingly large number are caused by driving with the window down and that would also fit with the side it is on.
With non-stroke cases, you either recover in about 8 weeks as the inflamation subsides or you start to recover some time later as the nerves re-connect and find alternative paths. Maybe you have some other information on how long he has had this condition.
Sorry forgot to mention that a more recent cause of Bell’s Palsey is a botched botox job.
It is the swelling that bothers me.
Looks like a messed up salivary gland, at the very least.
Whatever it is.,…it is not going to help him to win a national election in our soundbite/photo-op driven world.
John “Mumpsie” McCain.
Nope.
AG
P.S. Driving? Himself? I doubt it. He is living in the armored car w/bodyguards and a chauffeur world now. HAS been since he started his primary attempt against Butchie Boy. If not earlier.
Isn’t the swelling on the side of his face where he had skin cancer removed? Would there be a connection?
Sure.
Buit…was it REALLY removed?
Is cancer EVER “removed”, once present?
The predilection for cancer?
That’s why they use the words “in remission” instead of “cured”.
Since they really do not know what cancer IS…I mean, they cannot even cure the common cold…then it’s all blue smoke and mirrors.
Giuliani had cancer too…but being who he is, it was hidden rather than right out front like McCain’s.
Up his asshole I believe, rather than right out there hanging off of his face.
Disease as metaphor.
Bet on it.
AG