In his recent memorable rant, Arthur Gilroy summed up the necessity to dispense not only with the current administration, but the entire machinery – including pseudo-lefty bloggers and their ilk – that helps to maintain, and benefits from, the current, deplorable, status quo. He did so with a line from basketball player Michael Ray Richardson: “The ship be sinkin’.” It got me thinking of other lines from athletes I’ve heard or read over the years, and how oddly well they fit into the current political terrain. (They’re also funny in their own right.) See if you agree.
Batting first is basketball star Jason Kidd. Kidd was drafted into, and signed with, a pretty hopeless NBA team. Not to worry. As Kidd excitedly proclaimed in his press conference: “We are going to turn this team around 360 degrees!”
Sounds a wee bit like the Iraq Study Group and much of the hype we’ve heard about it, doesn’t it?
“These recommendations add up to nothing less than a 360-degree change of direction!”
At the end of which, of course, we wind up exactly as we started – minus the energy it took to spin around.
Batting second is baseball player Luis Polonia. Just after being traded by the New York Yankees, Polonia was asked why he thought the Yankees traded him. His response: “The Yankees are only interested in one thing. And I don’t know what it is.”
Consider, in that light, the many explanations of the past election – an election whose message was as plain as could be – given by ousted Republicans and clueless pundits and “centrist” Democrats.
“The voters are only interested in one thing. And we don’t know what it is.”
I think that pretty well captures it.
Batting third is a NY Islanders’ goalie whose name I don’t recall. Some years back the Islanders had put on an ill-advised promotion: Mug Night. Every fan in attendance got a free Islanders mug. The Islanders that night played as atrociously as was their wont, and the fans commenced to bombard their own players with their free mugs. Asked afterward how it felt, the goalie quipped: “I’m just glad it wasn’t machete night.”
The recent thumpin’? Ask any Republican. “We’re just glad it wasn’t machete night.” Machete night, however, is on the schedule; you can look it up.
Finally, batting clean-up is baseball player Mickey Rivers, a memorable character who played for the Yankees back when that team was utterly laughable. (And haven’t those years gone down the sports memory-hole? But I digress.) Rivers was asked by a reporter what he thought the Yankees needed. His response was so succinct, so expressive, and so applicable to the present – and to Arthur’s point (I think) – that I’ve made it my signature line. Thus, see below. Cheers!
What we need is a whole new everythin’. — Mickey Rivers
