There was a friend of mine that used to be a member of this site. I met her once in a kind of unique situation. You see, I was down at a protest against the war in Washington DC and I needed a place to crash and someone had her room key. And she was going to be coming in at something like 3 or 4 in the morning anyway, so why not let me have her room?
But the thing was that no one was going to be able to tell her, because we couldn’t reach her, that a strange man was going to be in her room. So I figured I wouldn’t totally freak her out by getting in her bed and I laid down on the floor and watched some television until I kind of became unresponsive. That’s how it started. She came in, took some photos of yours truly nonresponsive on her hotel room floor. In fact, by the time I woke up and took a shower she had already posted those pictures on the internet, on this blog. Talk about a surprise!! I made the best of it, and then I got to know her. I got to know about her husband the helicopter pilot and her son that needed lots of surgeries to keep him walking, and about her upbringing in Wyoming. And I liked her. And I think she liked me.
Her life was extremely stressful, beyond anything I could imagine for myself. It didn’t make things any better that her husband was being asked to risk his life in a war he had a lot of doubts about. It was even worse that her doubts were even more severe. She went to Crawford to be with Cindy Sheehan. That put her husband’s career advancement in jeopardy. I could barely comprehend the family dynamics, let alone the courage involved in making that decision. I admired her.
She came to visit me once. She brought her son. I don’t know that I will ever meet anyone quite like her son. I’ve never met someone that age that was quite so intelligent and worldly-wise and, I guess, sophisticated. And he has to inhabit a body that is just twisted, wracked, built of rods, and steel. He is something to behold. He might be the most inspirational person I have ever met. He’s a wonder. A great, great soul. And his mother loves him. His mother has to love him and she had so many responsibilities she has to carry out to care for him and to get him to the next doctor’s appointment, the next specialist, the next surgery.
It’s inspiring, but it is also heartbreaking. I had to cut off this mother and close friend’s posting privileges today. I did it because I want to make sure she honors her own intentions to stay away from this community for her own mental health and for the well being of her family.
It was not an easy decision for me to make. She contributed some of the most poignant diaries we have ever seen here. Her story has inspired thousands of people. Her angst told a story so powerful that it had the power to change minds, if not provide the miracle that would bring an end to this goddamned war.
She wasn’t a perfect fit for this community. She agreed with us that the war was a mistake and that our government is criminal. But she wasn’t a peace activist in the traditional sense. It pained her to hear the military criticized for the mistakes of a warmongering administration. She was very sensitive. She knew her husband and his heart. She knew that he embodied the values we all want to see in our military officers. It pained her to see him misused, but it pained her more to see him disparaged.
She’s had a hard time these last few years. It has never been easy. People are doing multiple tours. Helicopters are getting shot down with increasing frequency. Her son has needed more and unexpected surgeries. A lot of the time she has just been groping around looking for a reed to hang onto. A lot of the time that reed was this community and that ‘New Diary Entry’ button or that ‘respond to this’ button. It kept her sane. But unfortunately, her situation wasn’t sane. This blog helped but it couldn’t purge the demons that lept at her from many angles.
She sometimes lost her bearings. She lashed out at people that were her friends. She overreacted to people that meant no offense, and she got wrapped up in a bad states of mind where she couldn’t see things clearly.
She made mistakes. She made enemies. She did things that are hard to excuse. And, ultimately, this community couldn’t be what she needed it to be. And we couldn’t make accomodations just for her particular circumstances. She had to leave this community today. And I’m sad about that. And I’m sad that a lot of people are angry at me, as well as her.
We didn’t ask for this war and we didn’t want this war to destroy families and lives. We want to stop it. We will stop it…and my friend will someday get some peace of mind.
I hope you didn’t lose a friend, Booman. There’s a lot of love in what you just wrote here. Once upon a time a wise man told me that if friendship is real you can never lose it any more than real gold can ever stop being gold or change to a less precious metal.
I think you did the right thing & I think you have helped, rather than harmed.
You should know that there are many who admire your compassion & wish your friend the best.
Godspeed – both of you.
Divide and conquer has worked morbid, horrible wonders against friends of all stripes throughout history. Doesn’t make it suck any less on a personal scale, of course.
None of this has been pleasant to watch, least of all in places like this and others that were formed to counter that grand plan.
Hang in there.
BooMan, you’ve written a lot of great stuff, particularly your impeachment stories. But that was one of the most poignant and heartfelt posts I’ve read on any blog in a long time, it was obviously a hard thing to do.
And if your friend is reading, my best wishes to her and her family. Nobody should have to go through either of those pains, let alone both of them at the same time.
Well said. I have known folks like you just described and ultimately, had to make exactly the same decision you have made.
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this used to be a statistic of good writing and of projects started by members which attracted readers and bloggers to the site. This has become a statistic of community raucous. Just a shame BooMan. If you are not aware, you haven’t lost A friend but MANY friends here in the blog community. In addition you are now so vulnerable on authority, as much esteem has been lost and correction has been lacking.
site meter or indicator of turmoil"But I will not let myself be reduced to silence."There have been many, many contributors here that have moved on, for various reasons painful and not, that I’ve been saddened to lose. This last wave is no exception. Each time, the community changes in tone just a bit. But FWIW, I come here for the content, and the sense of community has been sort of like icing on the cake. I haven’t personally invested much because I mostly just read, and only occasionally comment, but this is my ‘home’ nonetheless. This is the only blog for which I read the front page ‘cover to cover’ so to speak.
Each time there’s been a dustup around here, I’ve seen your reactions as doing the best you know how to accomodate everyone concerned. Hindsight often reveals that to have been a futile effort. You obviously care, not just about the site, but also about those you’ve come to know within. An admirable quality in my book.
So perhaps you’ve lost some friends, the blog has lost some contributors, more will trickle in over time and the place will change a little once more.
We live, we learn, we go on as best we can.
Dear BooMan,
Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. I feel your anguish and understand. There are times we can help others and then times we have to let them help themselves as we step back from the fray.
For those who are upset or mad about the situation, now is the time to step back and take a deep breath. I let one such situation drive me away from a blog I considered home for quite awhile and have sworn I will never let that happen again. I read a lot here at Booman Tribune, I respond once in a great while or I even post a few diaries that I think are worthy of reading. I avoid confrontation because my life for the past 40 years has been a nonstop confrontation with what I do in the political and civil rights world. This community and it is a community can pull together and get past this. It might take some work but it can happen.
The main thing is let it go! Enough of the dairies raking up the past week yet again. It is over and we need some time to get past all of this. If you have comments or suggestions, email someone- BooMan preferably or one of the other front pagers. I would hate to see this take on a life of it’s own like the Pie Fights and the Duc Tape and watch people pick at the scab forever and never let it go. Use that energy to make a difference in the world instead of hanging on to an old hurt or grudge. If this is beyond you, then maybe the blogosphere world is not the right fit for you. There will always be people you disagree with or who make you so mad you want to scream. Either ignore them or send them an email after you have calmed down. If this doesn’t resolve the issue, then ignore them, their comments and their dairies from then on. It makes life a lot simpler.
To all of the community, may you find peace of mind or some type of solace and move on from the past and strive towards a better future.
I will throw this out there for what it’s worth as a personal observation. This open internet concept with easy blog starting capabilities seems to be fostering breakups of people down to their lowest common denominator.
Because of censorship techniques along with the previously mentioned ease of new-personal-blog initiation, people get angry and opt to take the option to start their own blog, inviting like minded to come with them. This happens over and over! The end result will be small groups of folks talking the same exact tune to each other and making no difference in the world what so ever!!
I guess I must have missed why blogs really began because I always thought it was to learn the real facts and to strategize for political power. That does not seem to be the real case, as virtual social contact and self-fulfilling stroking of one’s ego seem to be more important than what I thought was the real function of political blogs. That will teach me about human nature, I guess.
It’s why we don’t all live in one huge city.
It’s fine for there to be lots of blogs out there. Let a thousand flowers bloom. The idea of having One True Blog is actually rather scary.
Agreed.
I’ve been part of a number of communities, and the first one is the hardest. I was a member of a bulletin board before the Internet was even public, and saw these same group dynamics play out there.
BooMan (I’ll try to remember to capitalize that properly from now on) did the right thing, on both counts. I think he was right to show extraordinary compassion to a woman who had been through so much. But he was also right to ultimately put the good of the community over the protection of one individual.
I wish those who’d left had had more compassion to understand where MT was coming from, and more faith and patience to give BooMan the time to do what he ultimately did – the right thing.
I am sorry to see people go, and very happy to see so many more choose to stay.
And mostly, I’m happy that these meta posts are moving off the recommended list so we can get back to the real business at hand – trying to save lives and make the world a better place through progressive activism and the gathering of true knowledge.
I never look for the lowest common denominator. If I did, I would not do the work I do to make the country a better place. I would give up.
Yes, and you’re still here, correct?
I ain’t going anywhere.
of this evil government and its war is the way it tears apart friends. I can clearly remember “losing”
a friend in a discussion about Viet Nam. (Yes, I’m that old.) We made peace years later.
Today, I can’t talk about most of what matters to me to the next-door-neighbor whom I love. My son’s bumper stickers send her into orbit. (Since she gets all her news from her church, we would have no base for discussion anyway.)Perhaps some day.
But like the commenter above, I read so much love in the diary that I know it will smooth over.
I hope that both of you will find some peace.
Friendly fire. Collateral damage. Unintended consequences. A few more bodies lost in the carnage. It hurts a little more because we know them, know their names at least. But hey, we’ll get over it. We’ll move on, right?
Just a few more casualties in this fucking war. Just add them to the pile of bodies this criminal maladministration ought to have to answer for. Jesus, Mohammed, and Buddha, how many more must there be before we lock them up and take away their keys?
BooMan, your words are full of love, empathy and understanding. I come here because of the excellent writing… yours, the other front pagers, and so many of our members. I stay because you are not afraid to show love, empathy and understanding.
Over time we’ve lost members that I’ve missed… none more so than those most recently gone. I’ll miss the eloquent and hard hitting writing, even those with whom I didn’t always agree. After all, I’ve learned the most by listening to well phrased opposing viewpoints and believe it or not, those are the voices that I will miss the most. I wish every one of them nothing but good things.
We may be dysfunctional at times, but we are a community.
I was on the verge of tears, but these words brought them on.
I shall miss them all and hold a special place in my heart for each.
Thanks, Kahli. I feel the same way. Things change, hopefully we learn. Peace.
I wanted to mention that a lot of spouses and families of people who are in Iraq also reach the breaking point and also can suffer from things such as PTSD.
I’m not sure what happened, but if you did this against her will and lost her friendship as a result, then I’m afraid you made a horrible mistake. Placating masses of acquaintances is never worth losing a friend.
No, she is at peace with her decision and with mine.
“Placating masses of acquaintances is never worth losing a friend.”
That is a very good statement, I do not think, though, that that was BooMan`s intention. I think it was a statement on his feelings, which I`m glad I`m not experienceing. He`s definitely going through a tough one, imo.
I’m not sure what others here regard as the meaning of “community”, but if we who purport to be members of one can’t absorb the angry and perhaps even inappropriate language and demeanor of one of our own friends and loved ones in obvious distress, then that’s really not my idea of community.
Cutting someone off from communication at such a critical time rarely if ever brings positive results, even in the best of circumstances. And most of us know that sometimes things are difficult and there’s simply no remedy at hand, no problem-solving help available. Cutting someone off from a community of which she’s been a stalwart, prolific, insightful and inspirational member for so long of a time, severing their link with that community fellowship at such a time is to me the exact opposite of what I feel is best, not only for her, but for us as well.
I’m all for banning the strong and aggresive when they beat up on the vulnerable, but to ostracize the vulnerable as a way of preserving the harmony of the strong has it exactly backwards as far as I’m concerned, even though such action is undoubtedly taken with the best intentions.
I am very disturbed by this, as I am with the recent departure of Alohaleezy and Supersoling.
for the record, Tracy made the decision to voluntarily walk away. I cut off her commenting ability so she isn’t tempted to come back and resume commenting.
And as far as I can tell the two members you mentioned left because I did not ban her on my own and took too long to help convince her she should cut herself off. Although, other stuff probably contributed to their decision.
I am sympathetic to your overall point though. I think this diary makes that clear.
Thank you for your response and clarification BooMan. I don’t know enough about what all has been going on with this so I’m loath to render judgment from an uninformedvantage point. I did feel it important to convey my broader perspective though , especially as I too have had seriously challenging times these last several years and were it not for those friends of mine willing to absorb my rants and frustrations and sometimes desperate anger and angst, I might have succumbed. Also, my participation on this blog primarily and a few others sporadically provided me with enough of an anchor in the real world that enabled me to reel myself back in eventually.
And for that I’m enormously thankful.