On September 11, 2001 our country was attacked. The world rallied around the U.S. and mourned our three thousand dead. George Bush and company then had a plan to alienate our allies and start a war without end. Here is that story from the ancient Book of the Shortsighted Idiots……
On the day of the massacre the W was reading the Book of the Pet Goat. His mind wrapped around the powerful words and none could distract him. Having finished this powerful story the W sensed the danger and hid from his people. The W spoke with God. He began strategerize and saw that it was good. “I am a prophet” he said “I cannot show my face until the danger is past, except of course for free teeth cleanings.” The people believed and praised unto him.
When the danger had passed the W called a meeting of his ministers. They arrived one by one, The Dick, The Rummy, The Soldier Secretary, The Turd Blossom and The Condiment all gathered at his table. They were W’s deciders and they would devise a stupid and shortsighted plan. “Our plan will be as stupid and shortsighted as the Senile Old Reagan’s tax cut plans of yore” they exalted. “We will use the lies that come from the Dick he knows the words of the secret one called Curveball. We will attack not only the land of the attackers but the land of the terrorized peoples. The land we call Iraq. They have oil and gold that we can steal. We attacked them in the time of the W’s father and had much self-gratification. We will honor the Senile Old Reagan and take money from our children to pay for this shortsighted plan.” So said the ministers. “We will send the Soldier Secretary to the UN. We will give him the lies of the Dick and the Curveball and he will read them.” The Soldier Secretary was nervous “I’m not taking this bullshit to the UN” he said. But he was weak, and felt pressure from the Dick and the Turd, and so the war came to pass.
In the beginning the war was of great success. The Rummy laid simple and shortsighted plans, then stared trancelike upon his reflection. He would pause to create blizzards of snowflakes that served as testament to his unhinged thinkings. Then the Rummy would return to his beloved reflection and acknowledge no other. The W flew in a jet and praised the mission accomplished. He wore costumes and pranced about on the ships of his fleet. His love of self had no bounds. The ministers celebrated, called themselves neocons, then had orgies with their oracle Anne the Cruel. Anne the Cruel would scream and speak in tongues to obtain the affections of W and his ministers. She made not sense and smoked cancer sticks. She drank of the 80 proof fermented beverages and stimulated the orgies with lies and loathing. She proved herself a true seer for the neocon way.
The people watched the stupid plan from their homes. They watched on electric coliseums bought with gold stolen from their children. Many coliseums were flat screens with surround sound. They heaped praise on the W and his ministers. They grew fat and self-righteous to honor the plans of the W and the Senile Old Reagan. They saw their reflections and said that it was good. They called their way “American Exceptionalism.” Their love of self knew no bounds.
Unfortunately the war went on forever and the economy collapsed. Thousands of American soldiers died, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis died and it was all for nothing. Many of the people’s homes and flat screens were repossessed. The people’s descendants were broke and pretty pissed off. Sometimes they would steal the American Exceptionalist’s golf carts, then run them down and beat them with their golf clubs. All in all it was pretty ugly. Of course that’s what happens when you make stupid and shortsighted plans. They should have known right?THE END
I found this book buried in my back yard. I was using seeing stones to look for buried treasure. Serendipity eh? The next chapter is about how I should know a hundred women. I gotta quit my job and they have to support me and stuff. Oh well its God’s will.
