This is loser as applied to an individual, as in “You’re nothing but a loser,”, oh wow do I hate that label and no time more than this morning.
Let me explain:
My daughter is going through a divorce, as some of you might know from comments I have made, and it’s like a lot of divorces, not going well, in fact when I wrote that I thought, do any divorces or separations for that matter, go well?
Perhaps, but this one surely has it’s ups and downs…Just yesterday I was feeling good about the whole deal, she and I had worked through some difficult things, found that a restraining order was not a good thing at this time and I could write a bunch about what it takes to get one. Not good.
Anyway, she did not feel in physical danger, only emotional and she always has the option to call the police and the possible ramifications of getting the order itself seemed to out weigh the daunting process.
Fast forward to later that day, one of the things that had been in contention with him was that she would not go to counseling , mainly because she feels done with it. Then I thought, why not, you can counsel your way out of divorce and that might be for the best not to mention it could help the children to deal with the process. She texted him she would go, he was elated.
We spent the next few hours planning what she would do while counseling was going on,, such as organize her life, get grants for school and so on, use the time to her advantage and maybe save a little cash for herself.
All is well in the land of divorce, I can rest a sec, relax and think the worst is over. I have to add in here that this has effected me very emotionally, in all its ups and downs, I am losing weight (needed to, but not this way) and pretty much don’t even feel like eating, as in “this morning”, which brings me to loser and what happened today.
This morning I got a call from her, and something had happened that I wasn’t very sympathetic to her side, she got more upset, hung up, we texted back and forth, she called, we both cried, she texts that I should not worry, I text that I’m sorry, she calls again and still crying says, “I must be just a loser just like he (the ex) has always said, and I am worthless and ugly (she is beautiful both inside and out) and so I might as well do all the things I am always accused of.
Then she hung up again, more texts back and forth between us, and by now I am crying like crazy, imagining her on the freeway, hysterical, you know the thoughts, plus I can’t stop crying, cause and oh by the way I told her something her brother said that I probably shouldn’t have but I thought it might help her to see what she ought not to do during this process.
That apparently made her feel more like a loser, and so that all added up to make one big emotional feeling and breakout in both of us. Plus now my son is going to be mad at me for telling that.
Then we texted back and forth again, with the end result she said she is fine, don’t worry, hates to see me upset, stop…
So I stopped crying for a bit, but I keep feeling that label loser, I know how I hated when someone called me that once, boy it made me mad.
Loser as a label seems like the person is hopeless and irredeemable, just lost, just nothing, I really, really hate that label. Then if you are female, called a s..t, and a loser, well it’s not good how you feel. And by the way I hate the word s..t so much I won’t even write it out and I could include it here as well for the terrible ramifications it has on women and no equal word to apply to the male without the same venom and disgust attached.
Anyway,those labels applied to my daughter and I’ve felt the sting of those words myself, built up over the 17 years with (him) and out it broke today like a giant dam and washed all over my daughter and I and we both felt the pain and it hurt us greatly.
So please let’s wipe out those 2 words, for sure, and I wish we could wipe out divorce as well and probably a lot of other words too and a whole bunch of things. But for today I just want those two words of derision to stop.
I will end this by saying, words hurt, ‘yes they do’,’ and words help “yes they do’.
So I will give out these words today:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.–Reinhold Niebuhr,
and these Native American Indian code of ethic words:
Give thanks to the Creator each morning upon rising and each evening before Sleeping. Seek the courage and strength to be a better person.
Showing respect is a basic law of life.
Respect the wisdom of people in council. Once you give an idea it no longer belongs to you, it belongs to everyone.
Be truthful, at all times.
Always treat your guests with honor and consideration. Give your best food and comforts to your guests.
The hurt of one is the hurt of all. The honor of one is the honor of all.
Receive strangers and outsiders kindly.
All races are Children of the Creator and must be respected.
To serve others, to be of some use to family, community, or nation is One of the main purposes for which people are created. True Happiness comes to those who dedicate their lives to the service of Others.
Observe moderation and balance in all things.
Know those things that lead to your well-being and those things that lead to your destruction.
Listen to and follow the guidance given to your heart. Expect guidance to come in many forms: in prayer, in dreams, in solitude and in the words and actions of elders and friends.
Blessings of All That Is and Best wishes to all who read these words.
Love
Please share your thoughts as I have with you.
PS Oh by the way, she is ok and calm and we are ok with each other now.
