While I had NOTHING to do with that one (oh how I wish I did, because “pinching the squid” is my new favorite euphemism), I had the unique pleasure of calling Patrick McHenry’s office today (this by the way is cross-posted at brendan calling).
Via Atrios, it looks like we have another example of supporting our troops from Rep. Patrick McHenry (R-NC, oted closet case and possible murder suspect):
We spent the night in the Green Zone, in the poolhouse of one of Saddam’s palaces. A little weird, I got to be honest with you. But I felt safe. And so in the morning, I got up early — not that I make this a great habit — but I went to the gym because I just couldn’t sleep and everything else. Well, sure enough, the guard wouldn’t let me in. Said I didn’t have the correct credentials.
It’s 5:00 in the morning. I haven’t had sleep. I was not very happy with this two-bit security guard. So you know, I said, “I want to see your supervisor.” Thirty minutes later, the supervisor wasn’t happy with me, they escort me back to my room. It happens. I guess I didn’t need to work out anyway.
God knows how many years the “two-bit security guard” has spent in Iraq, while 32 year old, able-bodied chickenhawk Patrick McHenry has been drawing a substantial salary and A-plus health benefits in the House, so I made a call.
Riiing. Riiiiiiiing.
“Hello, Representative McHenry’s office.”
“Hi, My name’s Brendan Skwire. I heard Representative McHenry’s regrettable “two-bit security guard” comments today, and I’m calling because I have several friends serving in Iraq. One of them is on his third or fourth tour of duty, he’s left behind a wife and two young children. No one knows when he’s coming back, but his marriage is strained and there’s been talk of divorce. So I did a little poking around and I noticed that Mr. McHenry’s only 32 years old.
“So I’m wondering why Mr. McHenry, who seems to be able-bodied, isn’t serving in the military? I mean, the military has extended the enlistment age and lowered its entry standards because they’ve been going through troops so fast. Maybe he can serve his country in a really helpful way, instead of shooting off his fat mouth about the soldiers he sent off to Iraq.”
“Sir,” the woman answered, “I assure you that Representative McHenry is serving his country in the best way he knows how.“
“Oh, I’m sure he is,” I responded. “Could you tell me how much money Mr. McHenry makes compared to your standard soldier? Could you tell me how much time he spends away from his family?”
“Sir, I understand your feelings. My father is in the military…”
“Ya know,” I interrupted, “I did a lot of research on your employer and found a number of unflattering things about him on the internet, something about a murder, and something about him being a closeted homosexual. So I have some problem with Mr. McHenry attacking members of the military which he can’t even join if he wanted to.”
“Murder? Wh– Oh my god. Oh my god,” the woman said. “Look, they were unfortunate comments, I have to go now.”
And she hung up the phone.
