I guess I hate Hillary Clinton for all the obvious reasons, including which, she’s a woman. And — as if that’s not bad enough — she’s a woman who’s committing the unforgivable sin of showing her age. Now, if you don’t believe me that aging women are monsters, look at what happens to even the most beautiful and successful actresses as they grow older. Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, Jessica Lange, Glenn Close… even Meryl Streep, when they get older they all play monsters. Why? Because old women are monsters, duh! They are dried up bitter old sticks, and just looking at them reminds us that we will all get old and useless and ugly and die someday, thanks a lot, you bitches! Old men aren’t so bad, since for some reason men don’t lose their humanity as fast as women… probably because they have so much more to begin with. Besides, look at every term that’s used to describe older women: hags, crones, witches, etc. So this is just one reason why I hate Hillary Clinton.
Another reason I hate Hillary Clinton is because it finally gives me something in common with my mother. Mom and I have always been on opposite sides of the political spectrum. She has hated Hillary Clinton since Day One that Hillary waltzed into the White House on the arm of her president husband. Mom has Hillary’s picture up on her dart board right next to Rosie O’Donnell. Mom can hardly put one sentence together about Hillary Clinton without using the c-word. To Mom, Hillary represents every thing that’s wrong with the feminist movement. Even with such a successful husband, Hillary still has the audacity to speak for herself, live her own life, and have her own career. As far as Mom is concerned, there’s just no excuse for it. Who does Hillary Clinton think she is, anyway? She’s a ballbuster and it’s no wonder her husband had to go find his fun elsewhere. What is sexy about a woman who wears the pants in the family? Years have gone by since Mom and I have shared one single political opinion. She loves George Bush and loves rubbing my nose in it. She never fails to mention her membership with the NRA and all the contributions she has made to the Republican party, whenever I see her. But now we finally have something in common, since we can hate Hillary Clinton together.
Another reason I hate Hillary Clinton is because she’s destroying the Democratic Party. She’s totally selfish and amoral and a power monger who’s totally out for herself and only cares about winning. Clearly, she can’t win, but she doesn’t care if she takes the whole country down with her. Despite the fact that Barack Obama is obviously a saint who has the powerful dynamic presence and unique persuasive eloquence to save this country from disappearing forever into the swirling abyss of corporate greed and corruption that is the legacy of the Bush Administration, Hillary Clinton can’t help herself from pushing her own egomaniacal agenda. To persist in the face of so many setbacks, to get up out of bed every morning and come out smiling for another long punishing day of political campaigning, she must be the most stubborn and short-sighted woman who ever walked the planet. Imagine having someone like that as president. Thanks, but no thanks.
And I hate Hillary Clinton because she has the consummate gall to run against my favorite candidate. In the process of doing that, she points out what she sees as deficiencies in his background and qualifications, and/or flaws in his record… unforgivable. What’s worse, it makes her a racist, because anyone who dares to criticize or oppose Barack Obama is clearly a racist, no bones about it. There are times when the democratic process should be stopped in its tracks while people get a clue, and this is one of them. I hate Hillary Clinton because she can’t see that. I hate her because, by running against Barack Obama, she’s just giving the Republican party ammunition, free of charge, to throw back at Barack Obama after he wins the nomination. And we all know that the Republican Party needs a lot of help with their shit-slinging, since they don’t have a clue how to go about it. Now they finally have Hillary Clinton to help them out, so we will know who to blame when John McCain becomes our next president.
Most of all I hate Hillary Clinton for giving George W. Bush a free pass, thanks to her pathetic self-aggrandizement and megalomania. Anyone with half a conscience, who obviously can never win, should gracefully step out of the media feeding frenzy so we can start paying attention to the criminal who still inhabits the White House. If not for her, we might still be thinking about impeachment. If not for her, we might still be working towards the day when George W. Bush and his fellow criminals will be hauled up in front of an international tribunal for war crimes and crimes against humanity.
If not for Hillary Clinton, there might be some hope that, in these last days of the Bush administration, the people of this country could save themselves from being convicted by history for sitting back and twiddling our thumbs while Bush and his corporate bandits got away with mass murder. If not for her, we might be able to save ourselves from being convicted by history of looking the other way while the Bush administration legalized torture. We might be able to focus on the rape of our civil liberties in the name of “homeland security.” We might actually be focusing on electronic vote theft, or… what about an illegal, immoral, unjust war and those who are laughing all the way to the bank while they profit off it? This is all Hillary Clinton’s fault, especially since she voted to authorize the war in the first place. And I don’t think we have to strain our brains too hard to comprehend her devastating affect on the environment, while we’re at it.
So, I think this pretty much sums up my main reasons for hating Hillary Clinton. Oh yeah, she’s rich, I forgot that one. Feel free to add your own reasons. Let’s turn the entire left-wing blogosphere into one big Hillary Clinton Hate Fest. Let’s show that we’re not so different from those hate-mongering right wing extremists, like my mother. Isn’t it great to finally have an issue that can bring us all together?