According to John “I don’t throw temper tantrums, Dammit!” McCain, Al Qaeda encompasses much more than just Sunni extremists in the Islamic world:
When asked today by a Fox News host about recent gaffes in which he confused Sunnis and Shiites, the presumptive GOP presidential nominee smiled, shook must his head and replied, “I’ve been to Iraq eight times, I know the leaders, I know the situation on the ground, I know that Sunni and al-Qaeda are closely tied… The question I was asking and the question that needs to be answered is, How widespread is al-Qaeda’s influence in the region as well as in Iraq?
“I believe that al-Qaeda does a lot of things,” McCain continued, “including with organizations and parts of the populations that are not necessarily just Sunni.” McCain did not elaborate.
To whom could Senator McCain possibly be referring? Who are all these non-Sunni extremist Al Qaeda members? Well, I think there is only one conclusion we can draw from his statements. He can only have been referring to the Republican party. In short, Republicans in Congress and in the Bush administration must all secretly be members of Al Qaeda.
After all, which public officials have continued to support George Bush’s war policies over the objection of a majority of the American public? Who keeps insisting on fighting a war in Iraq despite the fact that Al Qaeda’s principal leaders are all in Pakistan? Which members of Congress have most strongly supported the Iraq debacle even though our own intelligence sources have concluded that our military presence there has actually fueled the recruiting of terrorists by Al Qaeda, and thus seriously weakened our national security? Even though the cost of that war has helped decimate our economy and bloated our national debt? Even though our Armed forces are being broken by extended tours of duty there? Even though the price of oil has skyrocketed to well over $100 a barrel from around $30 a barrel since that ill fated day in March 2003, when Bush announced his “shock and awe” invasion? Even though Iraq had nothing to so with the attacks of 9/11?
Why (with the exception of a few fifth columnist “liberal hawks”), Republicans, of course. Oh, and Senator Joe “My Website was hacked by Ned Lamont cyborgs!” Lieberman, too (let us never forget the one and only member of the “Lieberman for Connecticut” party).
And who in particular keeps insisting we occupy Iraq for 100 years, if necessary, so more of our soldiers can die for a lie? Who hates Iran just as much as Osama bin Ladin, so much so that he changed the lyrics to an old Beach Boy song into “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb bomb Iran” while doing a stand up comedy routine at a Republican party rally in South Carolina? Who is running his Presidential campaign primarily on the issue of “Iraq today, Iraq tomorrow, Iraq forever”?
John McCain, the presumptive Republican (and Al Qaeda) nominee for the Presidency.
Glad we got that finally figured out. Thank you Mr. Straight Shooter! Now we finally know the identity of all those “terrorists” the NSA, CIA and FBI has been actively combing our private financial and internet records hoping to find. Should save us tax payers a bundle next year when those agencies’ budget requests are submitted.
